It's A Great Day for an Episode
I went to Disney World's Hollywood Studios (Florida) when I was little, my Dad participated in the Indiana Stunt show as a volunteer, back when they had them. I remember crying saying I wanted Daddy because I was afraid he was gonna die or go away.
It literally hit me hard today as I went to approach the seating area to watch the show today!
I felt like I was punched in the chest and could not breathe. I had to take medicine and within about 30 to 40 minutes began to feel better. It didn't help I had to try to hide my tears, sobbing and walk with tears in my eyes.
I try so hard to not let this still hurt me, but it does. I think I cannot ignore it, and that it's just going to continue to do what it does. Especially since it's coming close to the date he passed away just one year ago March 7, 2022.
I wish I didn't feel such grief. But.. at the same time, it shows that I loved my Dad.
I realized I have to pay attention to myself more. I started off very irritable. Then it went into a sort of blank state or unawareness, then I became anxious, then saw the stage, thought of my Dad, and then BOOM.
The other day I was hypomanic. I realized I didn't stop talking the whole 45 to 55 minute drive on the way home.
No One said anything to me until later my cousin was like "You had a lot to say today."
I was like oh shit 😡 I talked non-stop. Dude, as I get older, the bipolar disorder is harder to deal with.
I don't want to be a negatively charged person, or emotionally charged. Otherwise the discharge is required and I become emotional and sad.
What is #Wrong with me?