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Preanticipatory Grief

Have you ever felt #Grief before the person who is terminally ill has passed away? I know that it will happen, but I also know that my brain is unable to really focus. Since I am on #prozac it makes it difficult for some internal emotions to be displayed.

I am feeling #sad and feeling a sense of #Loss without actually experiencing it yet. I think that it is because my Aunt is very ill and should make it through the holidays if we are blessed enough for that. I am #scared because I know what it is like to lose a parent as I lost my Dad last year to #Cancer and it hurts like crazy.

It is also #horrible when you #Lose a job because you called out so many times. It is not a good feeling at all whatsoever. That is grief as well. I am struggling and I really would like a #friend .

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Live a Little

Hello Everyone.
It has been a while since I was last here. I used to post regularly, but things got caught up. My father passed away last year in #2022 and it was not fun. I was very #sad and did not know what to do. #Grief is never anyone's friend. Sometimes you have to live a little and let go a bit. Tonight I was #Thinking about #Life and all of the #wonderful things that exist. I also think about all the #horrible things that have occured.

I have been #focused on the wrong things lately. Especially with a recent #Diagnosis of #ADHD and how my #Brain never shuts up.

I wondered if I was insane sometimes. I have been #sick a lot the past month and even now. It feels like every other week I am sick with something (virus, stomach problem or a cold). I think I am #okay though. I am going to #KeepMoving forward.

How are you all doing?


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Memory Lane

Hello Everyone!

I believe we have officially kicked off the #Holidayseason here in central Florida. I am #excited but #sad at the same time. Do you know what I mean?

You see, the time change, mixed with the days being shorter, mixed with #Bipolar II and #Anxiety , it's pretty #horrible .

I am a mix of excited for the decorations around the #ThemeParks and I am looking forward to seeing what is happening in #WaltDisneyWorld next.

I do feel #Loved and #Supported , but I know that I am not 100% where I thought I would be at this point in #Life . Perhaps we have an illusion we are supposed to be something else, when nature always happens?

Let's hope this #Holiday season is #good for you!

How do you #celebrate the holidays?


horrible #

horrible thoughts#
#horrible thoughts #horrible
having one of those moments when all I can think about is my ex and his perverse sex fantasy and that he is now carrying them out with his new, young, thin and pretty girlfriend and I can’t get them out of my head, the trouble is that I now work on the area where his parents live and when I see him drive past it sends horrible anxiety through me, and I dare not look , because I can’t bear it. horrible, horrible, horrible 😢😢😢😣😣😣


Cymbalta is #horrible

I started #cymbalta last Saturday (a week ago). I was still coming off Effexor. Effexor made me feel horrible. I have recently been diagnosed with #Fibromyalgia . I have a whole book full of things wrong with me now so I wasn’t shocked. I also have IBS. But I usually only go 2 times a week. I haven’t been able to use the bathroom in over a week. I believe 1000% it was because of the cymbalta. I stopped taking it on Thursday and ended up in the hospital yesterday evening. I looked like I was 6 months pregnant! It was horrible. I’ve never had an enema before. Hard pass lol never again!


Anxiety isn’t just being sad.

Struggling in my marriage with being angry, anxious and yelling a lot. I try to explain to my husband that these are symptoms of my anxiety. He says he understands but just keeps treating it like I’m being mean. I can’t seem to stop. What do I do now? #Anxiety #pleasehelp #horrible #SocialAnxiety


Who am I?

I am nothing, I don’t have anything good, my whole personality is horrible, my body, my face, even my name is horrible, I hate me, I hate me so much. #Depression #hate #horrible #hateme #Hatemyself


We all make #Life harder and more #horrible in our own #Eyes

Unable to even just close my eye lids.
It’s not as easy as before.
Sleeping is harder.
And the longer I’m awake,
just writing in the dark
Whilst listening to what
I mainly hear on the days
That have been even
Harder than now.
Even when asking
How I do it,
There is no way that
Even I could manage to find an explanation.
It’s harder to fake this smile
Hide my scars
And to give
The loudest and
Joyous laugh
Strong enough to make
Anyone feel better.
Yet, the only thing I fail to do;
Is find a solution
For my own problems.
I’m just a brown eyed boy,
Who hides
Late nights talks
And deep conversations
All up in my fluffy dyed hair.

1 comment

Anger!! 😱

I really am sick of feeling angry&stressed all the time, mostly about nothing 😥😩it's beginning to make me feel like such a terrible&horrible person! I snap all the time at people for nothing... Everything has to be negative with me! Why the hell can't I just go back to being the happy, bubbly girl I used to be years ago? I hate myself at the moment, I hate the horrible person that iv become 😭 I'm always 'on guard' ready to defend myself, and horrible judgemental stuff is always coming out of my mouth, it just rolls out! I can't help it 😩 #Anxiety #anger #AnxietyDisorder #Stress #horrible