Abnormal

I have a #Daydream where I find the right #Job and lose my #unemployment and work 40 hours a week. It sounds like a #nightmare because a 40 hour work week is #scary for me. It takes away so much time from #Selfcare and #Recovery that it brings me to a point of #tears .

I began to do the whole #comparing myself to others and #Wondering why I could not be like another. I truly feel #helpless whenever I become #jobless

It is difficult for me to find a #Job that can work with a #Disability and not feel #stigmitized by my #employer secretly. I feel like I am this cat in the photo, in my own #World where everything around me is just blowing up. It is not that I do not #Care anymore, but it is that there is only so much I can do. I might as well take normal pictures along the way and try to be as #normal in my #Abnormal world possible.

Perhaps a "vocational" center will be #helpfull in finding a #Career rather than just a job... But I do not know how much #Stigma exists. I suppose I am just #afraid and at the same time #Brave for keeping applying and trying.

Wish me #luck !

Years I lived in denial about my mental health. I tried to stuff it away in a little box in the back parts of my brain. Anytime the slightest remembrance of it, I would shut it done so quickly. Once I was finally able to accept me for what I am, oh how liberating it was for me. I still have MASSIVE hurdles but by the grace of God, it hasn’t taken me out yet. So I’ll keep fighting.
#MentalHealth #Abnormal #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #mentalhealthwarrior

I'm not sure if it's my transition from #Manic to #Depression or my sensitivity to noise due to #CPTSD, but I'm full of so much rage today. I wanted to tie my dog up outside (he's never been tied up - ever), throw the cat outside, and scream at the garbage men, the mailman and my neighbors to quit being so loud. They wouldn't understand why I'm acting #Abnormal (I hesitate to use the word "#Crazy ") and I'm not entirely sure how to explain that every noise sounds like a threat. I get so flipping angry. I'm better now that it's later in the day, but the rage isn't gone - just subsided. I haven't been this bad in several years. Do you experience this? What brings you back from the edge? I don't have anxiety meds - as much as I really do need them - because it can cause Alzheimer's and interacts really bad with my pain meds. Now that the anger has subsided, I'm crying at the drop of a hat. Please tell me you know what it's like and how you deal with it?