anexity

I am learning about myself #Childhoodtrauma #Depression #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #DomesticAbuseSurvivors #anexity #selfsabotage #overthinker

My family amd friends notice ai repeat a lot. And it upset them or worries them?

I try my best to not keep repeating, but i just cant recall or it just becomes a subject that hard to redscrib in a setnece? Or i no know anymore?

When I not under stress, this happens a lot now adays?

But I did have a weird heart pain in July 2018, where I wasn't able to hear, swallow, eat, drink or move. Than for five days I have zero appetite... A friend who studies medical told me to take a bear aspirin, it helped.
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But my family took me to wait five days to see a doctor? My doctor told me it maybe do to stress, but when they took my xrays I wasn't aloud to see them? But my female doctor shown me on her cellphone photo..? They where concern of my odd looking heart but sujest it fine, but I couldn't inhale well.

#worries #past #healthconcerns #anexity

My Anexity demon breaks my Voice first..
Then takes me back to my past and forces me to see the things which I don't want to see ...
then I get stuck in the storm of Thoughts.. they're my own thoughts.
My thoughts forces me to think about the things I don't want to think..
My thoughts tells me you'll never make it. Then I scream at those thoughts and tell them, 'shut up.. I know you're not real. You're not the truth. Please leave me alone.' But they never leaves..
Then these thoughts attacks my optimistic side of personality and takes control over me.
I feel helpless...
I have thousands of Thoughts running in my head but anexity tells me, ' shut up, store 'em in your mind and cuss yourself until you hate yourself.'
And yeah then I start hating myself. My life, my thoughts.. everything.
I want to tell all about this and feel relieved but this demon tells me, 'go on! Tell everyone about you but remember they'll judge you. They will empathize with you in front but in back they'll laugh at you.' So, I never tell anyone about my storm of thoughts..
Then my insecurities rises their head. Tells me you're not good enough.
Shit.. I'm really tired of all these thoughts. Please ..I don't want to feel this way anymore.
I can't fight anymore against these demon...

I don't know how to explain my issues

how do you all date and have a relationship with mental illness??

I see that most people on here are in a relationship and even married! how do you keep a significant other?

I’ve only had two relationships and have never been in a healthy or long term one. I’m going to be 28 and I have two kids. I’m starting to think it’s because I don’t deserve it. it is the main cause of my self harm. I know if I had a man my mental health would improve and life would be better.

#Depression #anexity #Selfharm #Dating

to each of my parent who blame me and are toxic. they keep saying oh i havent talked to her so she doesnt know my side and i say to them talk to her all you want. go ahead my dad and mom can talk to them all they want. so far my dad hasnt gone and my mom just changed subjects. #Depression #PTSD #anexity #MentalHealth #Abuse