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    I walked out on my job

    SO...one friday too many knowing the day after would just be another hot, over exerted, dreamless of a repeat day followed by ONE day off just to do the whole nine hour day, six days a week thing--and my mind did a litte SCREW THAT.
    I went to ask a few coworkers what they thought I should do, and even though they recommended I just stay I literally felt like killing myself if I had to work one more minute. So, I told my boss I was going home. Didn't call or come in the next day or today and I won't be tomorrow either. I will however be calling my HR to see if I could possibly get my job back and under the condition that I apply for FMLA. Because obviously I need it to function. I don't get how aome people can work 60-70 hours a week...life is supposed to be more than work, sleep, eat. Has anyone else ever had to walk away from a job? Or gotten a job back after doing so?

    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FMLA
    #Depression #Anxiety #Work #bpdcoping

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    Sleeping beauty#Depression #bpdcoping #Anxiety

    When my anxiety and depression flare up I tend to go into this catatonic state where all I can do is sleep. I will sleep for hours on end and this also affects my eating habits because I end up sleeping right through breakfast and lunch and can only have one meal a day. I think I did bad in an exam but I also have another one coming up and I am afraid of doing just as bad as before so I can't even study because seeing my books sends me into a panic so all I do is sleep.#sleepingproblems #anxietyandsleep


    Today I managed.

    It’s been a bad few weeks but today my brain gave me a bit of a rest. I didn’t manage to do a lot - I just cleaned. I even laughed a little. I didn’t need to nap from crippling anxiety. When anxiety hit, I could practice my ACT exercises. I couldn’t face the world outside or any people though. Maybe another day.

    Even with this small respite, I still feel that monster trying to weigh me down. These are the days that scare me cause I don’t know if tomorrow I’ll keep climbing or fall back down. But I feel gratitude that today I could function just enough to tidy the kitchen and put away the groceries (the non perishables).

    Hope those that are suffering you get a day of respite soon. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #bpdcoping #Anxiety


    We deserve love ? #letterstoMike #134 #Relationships #bpdcoping

    Daydreaming today Mike

    Have you ever think about having a ‘normal’ relationship?
    Yes, those ones like everyone deserve, the ones who make you happy in an average way.
    Simple things as walking together holding hands, kiss you suddenly, texting every now and then, going to the restaurant and have dinner without talking to each other... asking how was your day, or complaining about the weather.
    Maybe I’m crazy but I’ve never had one of those, maybe cuz my BPD is quite demanding.
    But would be lovely to have a plain, simple and average relationship.
    Was about to text you, maybe to have lunch together a random Monday, but unfortunately I know your answer and it’s a nightmare, yes... my mind is playing games with me because haven’t asked you anything and I’m already sad because of your answer.
    My past is torturing me, the future worries me and my present, my present is gone because I spent the time thinking what if...
    Hopefully one day we can have an average date, just one day being normal is everything that I ask for.



    I made a major breakthrough last night! #bpdcoping

    My husband and I were talking last night and long story short, my mother was emotionally abusive and manipulative. I was remembering (last night) of how I used to overhear her talking to relatives and friends about what a lazy and mean child I was. All the while telling me how no one would ever love me like she did. Well no shit, you painted me in such a bad light that you literally made it so no one would love me but you...so, yea...that's a thing that happened last night 🤷🏻‍♀️

    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #abusiveparent #coping #Therapy #Breakthrough #EmotionalAbuse #EmotionalNeglect



    How in the hell am I supposed to make a relationship work when I am so scared of being left!? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #bpdcoping


    HELP!!! Recently Diagnosised, Terrifed, and Feeling Helpless

    I was diagnosised with BPD a few weeks ago and I’m terrified. Not only am I terrified, I’m ashamed to have it. I have read about the stigma and the difficulties getting help. I was told today by my social worker/therapist in the partial hospitalization program that I am in, that it will probably be hard to find someone who will help me because people with BPD “are draining.” That is what he said. I feel hopeless, helpless, alone, lost, confused, ashamed, and borderline suicidal. I feel like because of the stigma that I will never get the help I so desperately want. I don’t want to live like this for the rest of my life. I need some help. Anyone experience the same thing? Any advice? Thank you. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPDDiagnosis #BPDStigma #bpdhelp #bpdsurvivors #bpdcoping


    Tips for my gf about my BPD

    So lately I’ve been tryna make a list for my gf of things that will help keep me stable and calm with my BPD and anxiety. I have a few things but I thought I’d get some input. Anybody have some ideas? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #bpdcoping #BORDERLINEPROBLEMS #Anxiety #Seperationanixety



    So I had a call appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday, she is refusing to even entertain the idea of giving me medication. She said "you can't just take the easy way out, you need to actually put in the work" and "you can't just take a pill to feel happy" which makes me extremely frustrated, I understand medication isn't a cute, especially with BPD and it's wide range of symptoms, and I am fully willing to put in the work to get better and make progress, however I need to be able to function and to feel stable enough to even do the work to get better. Should I go to my family doctor about medication or bring it up with my therapist? Or should I just forget about it... What are some experiences you've had with medication and BPD?
    #Medication #bpdcoping


    BPD Coping and Minor Inconviniences #bpdcoping #Impulsivity

    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder and “Minor Inconviniences”

    Does anyone do something drastic when a minor inconvinience happens?

    I started a new job and LOVED it! leaving somewhere where I was invisible for 6years to being welcomed with open arms, support and an opportunity to smash it (which I did) then after 5 weeks I got moved (without a choice) to a different place within the company which triggered a breakdown. As you can imagine i felt rejected, abandoned and massively emotional because there was nothing I could do to change the decision and basically had to start all over again! Plus I’d settled and grew in confidence really quickly which for us is such an amazing feeling!

    I got my whole hand tattooed as a result. (I got my whole bum tattooed when I left my old job as a way of coping with the fear) As you all know a minor inconvinience is like your world has ended! I cancelled my wedding, relapsed with my anorexia! Lost a stone in about 2 weeks! And self harmed for the first time in about 10years! I was sobbing and the anxiety caused me physical pain!

    My low mood is slightly shifting but I still need to do something impulsive to regain some control! Sooo nipples are being pierced after work today and a new tattoo. The tattoo will symbolise my resilience!!
    “I was not built to break”