I figured this would be the perfect platform where I could vent without judgement.
I am a survivor of #Incest and #EmotionalAbuse . Recently, I’ve been struggling with intense feelings of anger, shame, frustration, loneliness and hurt. People tell me I should be proud of myself for coming forwards about the abuse, that I did the right thing. Sometimes I don’t feel that way, sometimes I feel like if I hadn’t said anything, then things wouldn’t be the way they are.
My family wouldn’t be divided and against me. I struggle with feelings of anger and sometimes hatred towards my mother. She chooses to support my father(the sexual abuser) without hearing my side of things. She has destroyed the numerous chances I gave her to be a part of my life and to have a decent relationship. I beat myself up for being so stupid. I let her back in my life just so she could hurt me (not to mention she was the emotional abuser). I eventually had to cut her off which caused me a lot of pain.
My father is a different story. I can’t believe people support him and feel sorry for him. He made a choice to abuse a child and his adult daughter. I beat myself up for trusting him. He can’t sit there and complain about how horrible his life is when he made a deliberate choice. Yet, people support him. It makes me so angry, yet hurts so much at the same time.
When will I receive validation and justice? What about my healing process? The people that are supportive of me mean well but they don’t understand. As a trauma survivor, things are harder than they realize. It’s not a matter of thinking positive or getting over it. It’s much harder, especially when #PTSD when plagues you. #BipolarDisorder doesn’t help, with episodes of mania and depression. Sometimes the fact that people don’t understand mental illness makes healing harder. Unless you have been where I have, manic, depressive, suicidal. Unless you’ve been doing plagued by flashbacks, don’t tell me what to do or how to heal. Just offer comfort, empathy and support.
Don’t give up on me. Just let me work through this. Don’t tell me you understand when you don’t. Please don’t. Just validate me, listen. Comfort me when I need it. But don’t judge, criticize or tell me what to do. I am attending therapy. I am on medication. All I need is unconditional love and compassion.
Thanks for reading.
#TraumaSurvivors #Incest #EmotionalAbuse #rant #compassion #abusiveparent #Healing #MentalHealth #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #Relationships