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Do all abusive parents/narcissistic parents not love their kids?

This is something I have been wondering with my family. My parents have abused me horribly, and yet I still find myself wondering if they love/loved me

I can recount positive memories and times where they showed it or tried to. They perhaps did love me in their own way, but not in a healthy enough way for my well being

I sometimes feel irked by the mentality that all abusive parents are incapable of love

#Abusive #abusiveparent #Love #unconditionallove

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Now I'm Pregnant

I was emotionally and physically abused growing up by my father. My life was upside down and all over the place as a child. The abuse was endless and my life had more of a resemblance to a haunted house and terrifying roller coaster than a happy childhood growing up. But my father has no idea, he thinks he was an amazing dad. He threw boots at me that went through walls, he hit me in the head with a shovel, he pulled my hair and slammed by head against doors (just to name a few incidences off the top of my head). He called me the worst names you should never call your little girl, which out of respect for women everywhere I will not repeat here. He even insulted and abused my mother, who was my light and my safe haven right in front of me. In my mind my father is and has always been disgusting villain. If he tries to hug me, I hold my breath. He is repulsive to me. It seams cruel not to love a parent, but he just does not deserve it and bottom line, I don't feel it. I am pregnant now and want to keep my baby safe. I don't want to be near him because even on the phone he verbally abuses me. In person he makes fun of me and ridicules me. He even called babies disgusting the first time I saw him after telling my parents I am pregnant. However, he is still married to my mother. I care for her and have accepted she will not leave him. What should I do around holidays to have her in my life while keeping myself and my baby safe from his toxicity? #abusivefather , #abusiveparent , #AbusedChild #childhoodabusesurvivor

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Emotional abusive father

Since a child I have been emotionally abused by my father. I never knew what I was going to get when talking or being with him. Not only as a 33 year old, am I dealing with the effects of the childhood abuse but it continues, even as an adult, I am emotionally abused by my father. Even tonight, while texting him, out of the blue, in the conversation he says “L - if you want to have a positive impact on my life - get your shit together” when I told him I was in process his response was “Haha - in process my ass ! You can’t be trusted with shit !” It has been a struggle to admit I was and still am abused for many reasons. One of which is to a little girl, her father is her superhero. The person who is suppose to protect her and love her. How do I accept that the person who was/is supposed to be a healer, protector and loving is actually the one who has made me feel unloveable, unacceptable, and unworthy of anything? How do I stop letting the unhealthy relationship
With my father, who has never once approved offer, influence all my relationships with men? When any man doesn’t approve or criticizes me, I hear, “you’re unloveable, you’re worthless, you deserve nothing.” Yet, I still try to have a relationship with him, even if I may be abused. I still seek his approval, even though I know I will never get it. I keep going to him with the hope he will be what a father should be. I wish he knew how much his words have hurt me. How his words have impacted my entire life. I wish he knew he should never speak to another soul the way he does. I wish he knew that the way he speaks to me why why I don’t love myself. I know that until I move on and accept that he will never know or care, I will be in turmoil. I know that pain is in the resistance and that so long as I resist acceptance I will be in pain. Then I cry out in my head “BUT HES MY DAD! HOW CAN I NOT HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM!?” I know what I need to do. Detach with love. Approve myself. Love myself; but HOW!? #EmotionalAbuse #AbusiveRelationship #abusiveparent #Lettinggo

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The Silence That Persist

I sit in a dark corner, clutching my blanket.
Bound by the silence of our secret.
I don’t tell anyone because I am afraid of what you will do.
The silence persist.

I am a teenager now, yet I don’t feel like it.
I’m still bound by our secret, I still don’t tell.
The silence persist.

I am a young woman, trying to make sense of her past.
Trying to understand you and what you did.
I’m still not ready to tell.
The silence persist.
Until you give me no choice

Today, the silence has been broken.
I am no longer bound by your secret.
I may be afraid, confused and broken but the silence no longer persists.

For all abuse survivors, it is okay to speak up. You don’t deserve to live in silence and be abused. Reach out if you’re afraid to speak up. You are not alone and it is not your secret to keep. I see you and I hear you, most importantly l believe you. Healing is possible. The silence doesn’t have to persist.

#SexualAbuse #PTSD #abusiveparent #ChildAbuse #SexualAssault #Healing #Hope #MightyPoets

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I figured this would be the perfect platform where I could vent without judgement.

I am a survivor of #Incest and #EmotionalAbuse . Recently, I’ve been struggling with intense feelings of anger, shame, frustration, loneliness and hurt. People tell me I should be proud of myself for coming forwards about the abuse, that I did the right thing. Sometimes I don’t feel that way, sometimes I feel like if I hadn’t said anything, then things wouldn’t be the way they are.

My family wouldn’t be divided and against me. I struggle with feelings of anger and sometimes hatred towards my mother. She chooses to support my father(the sexual abuser) without hearing my side of things. She has destroyed the numerous chances I gave her to be a part of my life and to have a decent relationship. I beat myself up for being so stupid. I let her back in my life just so she could hurt me (not to mention she was the emotional abuser). I eventually had to cut her off which caused me a lot of pain.

My father is a different story. I can’t believe people support him and feel sorry for him. He made a choice to abuse a child and his adult daughter. I beat myself up for trusting him. He can’t sit there and complain about how horrible his life is when he made a deliberate choice. Yet, people support him. It makes me so angry, yet hurts so much at the same time.

When will I receive validation and justice? What about my healing process? The people that are supportive of me mean well but they don’t understand. As a trauma survivor, things are harder than they realize. It’s not a matter of thinking positive or getting over it. It’s much harder, especially when #PTSD when plagues you. #BipolarDisorder doesn’t help, with episodes of mania and depression. Sometimes the fact that people don’t understand mental illness makes healing harder. Unless you have been where I have, manic, depressive, suicidal. Unless you’ve been doing plagued by flashbacks, don’t tell me what to do or how to heal. Just offer comfort, empathy and support.

Don’t give up on me. Just let me work through this. Don’t tell me you understand when you don’t. Please don’t. Just validate me, listen. Comfort me when I need it. But don’t judge, criticize or tell me what to do. I am attending therapy. I am on medication. All I need is unconditional love and compassion.

Thanks for reading.

#TraumaSurvivors #Incest #EmotionalAbuse #rant #compassion #abusiveparent #Healing #MentalHealth #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #Relationships


Letter to an abuser

Has anyone ever written a letter to their abuser but never sent it? What has this therapeutic exercise done for you? Was it healing? Triggering? Any thoughts would be helpful as I am thinking about doing this. Thank you. #HealingVoices #PTSD #SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #abusiveparent #BipolarDisorder

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I Heard That! #abusiveparent #PTSD #Anxiety

When you’re raised by someone who is borderline/narcissistic, you get to know gaslighting really well!


Holiday Season and Trauma

With the holidays coming up, I can’t help but be excited. On the other hand, as a #traumasurvivor I know it won’t be easy. I am working to break the trauma bond between myself and my parents. Holidays were huge for us. We had so many traditions. During this time of year my #BipolarDisorder gets more intense, with the lows being almost unbearable. My #PTSD also gets triggered because of all the memories. I want to enjoy the season but I know it is going to be difficult. Has anyone else experienced this? What can I do to break the bond with my #abusiveparent and enjoy the season?


Trauma Bonds, Grief and Stress

I am working to get out of a trauma bond. I have been grieving my emotionally abusive mother whom I recently cut out of my life. The memories and emotions are overwhelming at times. Yesterday I burst into tears because of all the pain. I went through the same process with my father and was able to somewhat move on. I feel so overcome by a mix of emotions. I want to cry, scream and lash out.
I can’t say I miss my parents but there are certain aspects that are hard to forget. I know a trauma bond is toxic and that it’s an addiction to being abused (the highs and lows) but in a way I feel sorry for them. They are mentally ill and were abused themselves. I know this does not excuse what they did (the sexual or emotional abuse) but it further complicates things.
Work is not helping me to calm down and process what is happening. It puts me more on edge and makes me more agitated. I know what they did was wrong but I miss what could have been. I just hope that when I’m done grieving that I come out stronger. #Grief #abusiveparent #SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #PTSD


How did you cope with cutting off an abusive parent?

I recently decided to cut my abusive and toxic mother out of my life. I am dealing with lots of different emotions, from shame to loss. I am looking for support from others that have gone through the same thing. #abusiveparent #nocontact #NeedSupport