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Do the one thing that ,.

Eleanor Roosevelt.
"Do the one thing that scares you every day."
Today I called into work.
I was scared but I did it.
I need to do another scary which involves my job.
Should I stay or should I go.
The reason I took this job was for the benefits which i have yet to receive.
I have a scary time talking to managers about my situation

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It’s been a while

Hey, so I turned 26 on the 31st of March. And I seriously thought I’d be further in a year since my divorce from an abusive narcissist. I’m not sure what to do at this point, I cannot hold a job. I have severe mental breakdowns at every interview… I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and dissociation. The place I recently tried to work, I took a mental health day because pulling into the parking lot I had a mental breakdown and couldn’t stop crying. And my boss said “ everyone has mental health problems, what makes you any different “ well I’m aware and I completely acknowledge that everyone deals with their own mental health issues, and they do it in their own ways. I can’t deal with mine the same way the next person deals with theirs.

It was suggested that I started going through menopause at age 20 or so. I had endometriosis, pcos, when I had a period. I’ve also been diagnosed with hypothyroidism.

I only take medication for the hypothyroidism, I stopped taking the mental medications for numerous reasons. Mainly because they weren’t helping, and I tried many over the course of 2 years. So my fear is that my mental state is because of my hormones and no one really knows what’s going on with my hormones.
The medicine for my thyroid works then stops working, my endocrinologist refuses to believe I’m menopausal . He’s still trying to get me to have a period but my body refuses.

I’m so lost, my parents act like they understand what’s going on, but when I told them I had a mental breakdown which was hard for me to do because I fear failure and telling them that, I didn’t want them to get mad at me.. well they said “you just started that job?”

I can’t sleep, and when I can, I wake up and I do not feel rested, I’m not hungry/thirsty (I do eat), I’m tired, and weak. My cognitive function and memory is getting worse every day, I tell people it’s like I’m 70-80 years old living in a 26 year old body.

I don’t understand why I’m like this, I don’t know what’s causing what. I just want it to stop long enough for me to breathe.

#Endometriosis #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #Mentalbreakdown #AnxietyAttack #PolycysticOvarySyndrome #Amenorrhea #DontUnderstand #lost #AbuseSurvivors #Narcassism #hormoneimbalance

17 reactions 5 comments


i was just thinking today about how i spent most of the last eleven months feeling like i was stuck in some liminal computer simulation and feeling like the only human. has anyone else ever had experiences where you thought you may be hallucinating or experiencing delusional thoughts? because when you’ve spent so long (for me until very recently) in borderline utter isolation how does one tell the difference exactly? it kinda scares me but i’m feeling better today and get to talk to a honest to goodness therapist tommorrow. i’m afraid of being taken away by men in white coats if i tak about any of this with doctor types though!!!!

#Depression #MentalHealth #Loneliness #Mentalbreakdown #Isolation


× " I Had An Extremely Busy Day Along With Stress " × #extremely Exhausted

× " I Ran The Register All Day Plus Clean The Dine-In Etc.. Atleast The Old Hen's Were Quite All Day... Not Critical Or Bossy Today.. It Was A Mircale.. I Have Tomorrow And Saturday Off... I Need A Break.. I Feel Like I'm Going To Have Another #Mentalbreakdown ... At The End Of My Shift I Went To Go Clean And Lucky Me.. I Found $20.00 And On My 1st Day I Found $5 LOL Sooo Atleast That Topped Off My Day... Now I Just Hope To Be Left Alone For 2 Day's I Need Sleep And I Also Hope That Thing's Change At My Job Today Was The Last Day Of My Favorite Male Assistant Manager He Put In His 2 Week's... It Suck's... He Just Wanted To Make The Store And Hopefully Raise Employee Moral... But Nope My GM Love's Not Giving Other People Control Or Want To Try And Change Thing's... It's No Wonder Why People Keep Quitting.. I'm Also At The Brink Of Wanting To Find Something Diffrent But I'm Not Happy It's Just More Stress And Pressure On Me And My Physical And Mental Health" × #AnUpdate ☆°•°☆ •°•☆☆ S.K. ☆☆•°•☆

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The stupidest things that cause me to breakdown. #BipolarDepression #BPD #EmotionalBreakdown #Mentalbreakdown

I own a pet sitting business with my ex. Yesterday afternoon I was out walking a client's dog. While walking I will often look at my phone to pass some time. While scrolling through Facebook I came across one of the many ads, this one for online mental health therapy.

As I scrolled through the ads webpage looking for more information I came across these two seemingly innocuous paragraphs and nearly had a breakdown. I had to hold it in every inch of the walk after reading it as it wouldn't look good to go mental in the middle of a neighborhood.

Mind you, because of my current poor psychiatric care and issues with my insurance I have been off of one of my meds since the middle of February.

I have tried to do my psychiatrist's job that I don't get paid extra to do in order to find out why my script isn't being filled. I was told by my insurance that the psychiatrist needs to call in to fix the problem. This is something my psych and or her staff should know they need to do.

Meanwhile, I am on the verge of another breakdown but trying hard to remain stable. And while I have many friends who offer to give support I wish more than anything there was something they could do. Not only am I extremely hesitant to ask but I can't overcome the feeling of being a burden no matter how much they say I'm not, a few of you will understand that.

Thankfully I do have my ex-girlfriend who is my best friend and has been with me every step of the way. She is the one person I know I can be a burden upon and she will help the best she can, she is not equipped to deal with me nor has she ever needed to until I came along but she tries. I still have the feeling I'm being a PIA but she never makes me feel that way as I know none of my friends would but it's still difficult even with her at times. However, I am fighting the best I can.

Be well and hug your loved ones!


Psychotic Break

So. Im turning to this again. I lost my mind today. I think im calming down now, but im still not really here. Well maybe the break started yesterday when i ran out of my new job three miles up the road. Or maybe when i couldent learn the forklift. Or maybe when i got home and every time i started falling asleep i would jerk awake thinkingb i was still on the forklift. I havent been sleeping or eating right. Falling aalewp is just nightmares where everything is backwards. Kind of like twilight zone reruns for infinity. Time is all messed up today especially. No work means i'm a fialure and i meed a million things to try to do--now or ill be homeless. My family probably wouldent allow that but im already enough of a burden. And my boyfriend who I live with, i am also a fialure and burden too. Last night i also had a hard time aleeping cus i kept hearing voices and kept seeing my lights turn on and off and hear my front door opening and closing. I thought people were in my house. But I don't think anyone was. They never did anything. I habe a million things to do. I've never been under this much stress--i should be able to handle is tho because im 25 and wveryone else I know could handle it. I'm just so sorry. I will be able to get my med that helps me sleep and helps with panic attacks tomorrow hopefuflly. Im almost wondering if im possesed. Also, before I was picked up my my mother to spend time with because she thinks i meed her, I thought i had talked to my bf about ten minites ago. But he said it was two hours ago. That really freaked me out. I want and need help but everyone says i just need them--especially my mom who came and picked me up. My bf just wanted me to stay home with him and was telling me to just calm down. I told mom about all of this and that I really just want to die because I do i really just need a dr, but she says I just need my mom. But she doesn't understand, noone does. It's easier to talk in another voice too than my own. I don't understand it. I'm just so sorry everyone has to deal with me and this demon inside me. I'm sorry for you having to read my bullshit.

#Mentalbreakdown #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #Depression #sick #MentalHealth #Hearingvoices


Teeny Tiny Itty Bitty Victories

Today my partner said sometimes it’s hard to be gloomy or quiet around me when I’m going through a hellish mental health breakdown….and when I asked why, she said, “because you don’t take it out on me.” And that felt like a win. Like progress, from my other relationships and it made me happy. So, I just wanted to share.

Other tiny happies from the day; I walked a yorkie around the block in a stroller, I bought a mousepad at Staples, I ate no less then 4 pieces of Pizza Hut stuffed crust pizza. #PizzaHut #smallvictories #TheLittleThings #Mentalbreakdown #Partner #KeepOn #StillTruckin

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#ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Depression #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety

I’m going to tell you what a demon once told me ;

It is okay to want your own happiness.
It’s okay to care about yourself the most.
It’s okay to do what’s healthy for YOU.
When someone hits you, it’s okay to hit back and
then ask them what the hell they expected.
It’s okay. You are not obligated to sit there and
smile and swallow every drop of poison that they give you.
You are more than furniture, you’re more than window dressing,
you’re not their shiny toy. You’re human, and you have the right
to say ‘that was shitty of you.’ You have a right to say
‘Let me feed that back to you; tell me, how does it taste?’
You have a right to protest your own mistreatment and
set boundaries for respectful interactions. The rest of the world
doesn’t realize you have this right, and they will act offended and
appalled when you exercise it, but it is yours...
#fighter #EndTheStigma #Mentalbreakdown


Last night

Last night I had a mental breakdown, I cried for more than 3 hours, I texted my friend and she came and took care of me. I never call a friend when I’m crying because I don’t want anyone to see my weakness, but yesterday I did. I did because my head couldn’t stop overthinking. My head couldn’t stop the bad scenarios. My head couldn’t stop the unwanted thoughts, so I reached out to a friend.
I feel like me showing my weakness for the first time, made me more vulnerable to my friend. I’m here, I have emotions, I have my bad days, I have my days where I can cry for hours and wake up with a headache.
From now on, I will not be afraid to show my weakness. I will not be afraid to show my emotions. I will not be afraid to cry for hours and ask for help because I was so close yesterday to end my life but I asked for help.
Overthinking is not easy, it can put us through tough times more like unwanted times. But my emotions are valid and as much as I hate overthinking as much as I loved the idea that my overthinking made me cry for hours.
#overthinking #help #SuicidalThoughts #unwanted #Reachoutforsupport #Mentalbreakdown #Emotion


Just had a mental breakdown

I have recently discovered that my mother is/has been a mental abuser. I took some time to really work through memories and experiences that I’ve had and ultimately made the decision to confront my mother about her behavior. I love my mom. She has a good heart and truly does not believe that she has been abusing me in this way. She says so many hurtful things to me and micromanages my life. Every time I get off the phone with her I feel small and worthless.

Even though I feel this way I still want a relationship with her, but want it to be healthy. We have always been very close but only if I do and say what she expects from me. Ever since I have confronted her, we do nothing but fight. This has been going on for months. It finally hit a breaking point with me having a nervous breakdown. It was the worst and most terrifying experience of my life. I am forever changed. My emotions are all over the place and feel that I could burst into tears at any moment.
I don’t know where to go from here. I am hurting so much emotionally. My mom blames me for causing her pain by telling her the things she has done and has never once apologized or even acknowledged the pain I am going through.

I don’t even know what I’m asking for with this post but I guess if there is anything encouraging words or advice you’d like to share please do so. I am feeling so lost right now. #Anxiety #mentalabuse #EmotionalAbuse #nervousbreakdown #Mentalbreakdown