breaking

I'm in #Love with my ex-boyfriend. We decided that we should break up (yes, it was mutual) because we both need things like, hugs and kisses, and we can't get those right now due to #COVID . But it's killing me. I talked to him about how he felt about it and he said that he still loves me but he can't mentally have me right now. I understand where he's coming from, for sure....but it doesn't make it #hurt any less. He's the guy of dreams and more, but I can't have him and it's heartbreaking. He was always able to make me happy and laugh no matter what else was going on. So...when we broke up, I skipped dinner and decided that all I wanted was to be in the comfort of someone else's arms. I ended up watching his favorite movie (The Outsiders) 3 times through. All I wanted was to be held and loved, so when I couldn't have it...I felt like I was breaking if I'm being completely honest here. He's the man of my dreams but all we can be is friends. He says that someday we'll be together again, and I hope he's right. I don't know what to do with all of these #feelings except shove them away. I don't know how to love someone as much as I love him, but then not be able to show them the love. I found a song called "Wish you were here" by Avril Lavigne.....it almost perfectly captures how I feel.

" I can be tough, I can be strong

But with you, it's not like that at all

There's a girl that gives a shit

Behind this wall, you just walk through it

And I remember all those crazy things you said

You left them running through my head

You're always there, you're everywhere

But right now, I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did

Didn't think about it, just went with it

You're always there, you're everywhere

But right now, I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn

What I'd do to have you here, here, here

I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn

What I'd do to have you near, near, near

I wish you were here

I love the way you are

It's who I am, don't have to try hard

We always say, say it like it is

And the truth is that I really miss

All those crazy things you said

You left them running through my head

You're always there, you're everywhere

But right now, I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did

Didn't think about, it just went with it

You're always there, you're everywhere

But right now, I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn

What I'd do to have you here, here, here

I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn

What I'd do to have you near, near, near

I wish you were here

No, I don't wanna let go

I just wanna let you know

That I never wanna let go, let go, oh, oh

No, I don't wanna let go

I just wanna let you know

That I never wanna let go

Let go, let go, let go, let go, let go, let go

Damn, damn, damn

What I'd do to have you here, here, here

I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn

What I'd do to have you near, near, near

I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn

What I'd do to have you near, near,

I wish you were here"