desperately

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    A Disney Day

    It was a Disney Day at Magic Kingdom in Lake Buena Vista, Florida. I had an awesome time walking around with my cousin for her #Birthday . She is 40 years old, and I am 36! How the heck did we get so #Old ? I thought about #Life a lot this week, and I wondered about what the future holds for us all.

    Are any of you trying #desperately to avoid watching the #News on TV? I sure do. I don't watch news clips on YouTube or read news articles that contain #negativity because my brain cannot handle it. Can yours?

    I wish that things were #different . I know that we all wish things could have been improved as it feels pretty horrible right now. I would be lying if I said I did not go on YouTube and watch a few newsclips. #Youtube is always my #Outlet to receive #Communication from the world and watch my favorite creators. However, It is #hard to get myself away from the news section. The #gasprices alone are enough to cause a concern.

    So... I want to spend as much time as I can visiting Magic Kingdom while I have the chance. I am thankful for my annual pass, as we bought it before I lost my #Job with Universal Studios.

    *sigh*

    Anyway... how are you??

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    #extremely -frustrated #ineedhelp ##ineedtreatment

    I am totally frustrated and worn out, I have gone to my Psychologyst asking for help, I have been on treatment with him since 2005, all I get is drugs. I am so tired of... I want to get to the root of my trauma which is much,
    C- ptds since I was a little girl.
    #War #ChildAbuse #abondonment #Rape#loseofmyfather
    #almostdeadlycarcrash
    #spousalabuse ; #mental #verbal;
    #religious ; rape by his friend;
    #caretakerofothers ; #watchin #watching death many times over.

    I left my husband with a suitcase,
    I've been living mostly out of my car, my brother's couch for the last eighth years... While he has a wonderful life with a family and Hardley Davidsons.

    I have fought to stay sane, but at this point I feel I am loosing my battle... I asked my Dr. To please send me to a treatment center .
    The problem is I have Medicare as Primary. And Tricary for life as seecondary.... This week has been hell for me, the only place Medicare will approve is
    "Wilmington treatment Center"
    I have heard some bad things about this place...
    Has anyone been there, or knows of someone that has been there?

    Or knows of a place in the Raleigh area that they would recommend.? Please I am begging. # #desperately #searching

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    #CheckInWithMe GRIEF

    #CheckInWithMe It’s been a year since I lost 2 sisters 2 months apart. I have #bipolar and #borderline. At the time, I rushed around trying to be strong for their kids. I cried for maybe 2 days, but not really #grief crying. Just #sad.
    Now a year later I’m #devastated . My heart is #breaking I’m not just sad I’m #distraught with #Grief . I’m unable to function and just #sob with agony #grieving 
    I wonder if my #Borderline has anything to do with making my #Grief so incredibly #intense ?  I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how long #grieving should last or if this is really #grieving Is it my #Borderline playing up It can’t be there’s no reason. I #desperately want to feel some kind of happiness. Even 5 minutes. But inside it feels like I’m slowly #dying .

    Please someone help me.

    4 comments