Join the Conversation on
162 people
0 stories
8 posts
Explore Our Newsletters
What's New in
See full photo

I Have to Surrender My Cat Friend #Grief #MightyPets #Depression #Trauma #anguish #devastated #sad

I am a tearful zombie today. It has become obvious that I can no longer keep one of my companion cats. I must surrender him to the shelter as soon as I can bring myself to do it and am devastated. We are bonded and I love him like crazy but he has issues that make him drain my positive energy too much.

He is 10 years old and has had a good life. I say it that way because I know he is not adoptable and will probably be euthanized. Do NOT try to convince me I am a horrible person. I already feel that way. My niece gave him and his “brother” to me because after nine years they could not handle him anymore. He is very stressful to have. He is what is known as a “scarf and barf” cat. In spite of feeding him food for a sensitive stomach and doing other recommendations from the vet, he eats too fast and throws up a lot. Some weeks it’s multiple times a day. This is not hairball-related, and yes, I have tried special bowls to slow him down. Don’t get on my case. I have tried everything and this is tearing me apart.

He is also very aggressive and gets in my face and his brother’s face regularly. It’s nice up to a point, as he often just wants to extreme snuggle, but overall it’s invasive. He also has very long, very sharp claws that he cannot seem to control. I am covered with scars and scabs and fresh bleeds, not because he tries to hurt me. It never happens in anger, just every time he needs leverage to hang onto me or push off to go somewhere else. When he is happy and kneading me it includes painful claws, although he is purring at the time. My clothes all have holes from loving this animal.

He is abusive to his brother, regularly biting him in the back of the neck when he is sleeping. His brother is very meek and shows signs of trauma from this.

Many of my days begin with the sound of him wretching. I am constantly cleaning up vomit from the carpet, from the cat tower, from furniture, from my comforter, from literally any surface. I often find it dried somewhere because I didn’t hear or see him do it. It is burdensome.

He can’t help it. I understand that. But it weighs me down on top of having chronic pain, depression, anxiety and other health issues, plus the relentless burden of being the sole caregiver without respite for my disabled husband who has no short-term memory or executive function. I have to do everything for him, including making all of his decisions about what he needs and when. He looks completely normal and is ambulatory, but cannot connect his thoughts to expressed words anymore. If he is watching a video and it ends he just sits there looking around with out the capacity to start another video or call out and let me know he needs help. It is an overwhelming and daunting way for me to have to live. Oh, and we have to move and I have no help to make that happen.

So I have to get rid of my sweet cat friend to try to minimize my stress. I have more to say, but… I have reached the character limit.

See full photo

Art Therapy

I’ve been wanting to try some art therapy recently & since I’m not much of an artist, I thought a collage would be a good place to start.

I had planned to make something for my husband for Valentine’s Day. I thought that would be a great expression of my love for him.

BUT last night he told me he loves someone else so now I just feel crushed and incredibly sad.

I made this for him instead. All of my pain on the left and my longing for love on the right. The empty space represents the emptiness I feel inside.

Here’s to everyone struggling with relationships today! I’m happy to have this space to turn to for support.

#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #devastated #Relationships #ArtTherapy


Pure humiliation

I went to a fill in GP this morning as my GP is out of town. I asked for a refill of tramadol and my gosh, she just went on and on berating me and humiliating me saying I was too young to be on it. That kind of pain relief won't help arthritis or fibromyalgia, she only gives that to cancer patients, she knows chronic pain and she will give me naprogesic. If I want that go to a pain specialist. I said I have been to a pain specialist and he was the one to prescribe this. Then she just kept going on and on about me being too young to take it and that pain relief won't help my chronic pain she knows chronic pain. I said dealing with chronic pain and living with it are two different things and this is why she is a GP not a pain specialist. Well, she closed my file, cancelled the referral she was writing me and kicked me out of her office. I've never been so defeated, humiliated, devastated or shattered. I told her she completely invalidated my experience as a pain sufferer but no, she didn't believe she did so she was right. HOW THE FK CAN SOMEONE ELSE DECIDE WHAT WILL AND WONT WORK FOR YOU? HOW THE FK CAN SOMEONE ELSE THINK ITS OK TO BERATE SOMEONE LIKE THAT? I am completely devastated. If I feel asleep and didn't wake I'd be happy. #Fibromyaliga #Osteoarthritis #RheumatoidArthritis #PCOS #shitdoctors #MentalHealth #devastated


Quarantine nightmares

During quarantine, I have nightmares and not because of the coronavirus, because of my ptsd. The past keeps on making a very unwanted comeback. I am so lost. I have no idea what to do. I don’t take medication because they can stimulate nightmares. I am so sick and tired of waking up in panic mode, completely shocked. Please can someone relate of help out? #PTSD #Nightmares #sleepless #devastated

1 comment

Devastated #checkinonme

For the past 4 months the only thing getting me through each day was knowing that Bluesfest was just around the corner. 3 months away, 2 months away, keep it together Angie it’s only 1 month away. Bluesfest is a tradition for me. It’s a time where I have no worries and just feel free to enjoy myself. Today it was announced that the festival will be cancelled due to COVID-19 risks here in Australia. I’m lost for words on how to describe my emotions. I feel like everything I’ve been holding onto has now disappeared. I have put so much expectation on this for me to be “happy” that now I don’t know what to do. This would have been the last hurrah before starting a family, the last thing for ME. Now I feel like I’m not ready emotionally to start a family because I needed this. I don’t know if any of this is making sense or if anyone is going through the same thing. Just feeling lost. #Depression #devastated #losinggrip


help me

it’s been a week since my husband of 17 years decided he wanted a divorce. I’m panicking. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I’m devastated and I can’t seem to shake this self blame. we had our issues but I can’t understand why he just gave up on me. please anyone give me advice or words of wisdom. I feel like I’m not going to make it through this. my kids are having a hard time too 😔😢😭💔 #Depression #devastated #Divorce

See full photo

One of my kitty babies is sick #MightyPets

I have four cats & they are my family, they are literally what’s been keeping me going throughout all this #suffering #ChronicPain #BipolarDepression #Fibromyalgia #SuicidalIdeation #ChronicFatigue #PTSD #Divorce My poor baby Maric is very sick. Hes barely eating & it’s had me so distraught. We have him going to the kitty hospital today for an ultrasound to see exactly what is wrong & I’m so afraid it’s going to be bad. The #Anxiety has been overwhelming but I’ve been trying to just hold out hope that it’s something we can deal with & that he’ll be okay. If it’s something fatal I will be #devastated I love him so much. I love all my boys so much & I cannot live without them. Theyve been instrumental in me coping. He has to be okay I can’t lose any of my babies. #TakeItOneDayAtATime


#CheckInWithMe GRIEF

#CheckInWithMe It’s been a year since I lost 2 sisters 2 months apart. I have #bipolar and #borderline. At the time, I rushed around trying to be strong for their kids. I cried for maybe 2 days, but not really #grief crying. Just #sad.
Now a year later I’m #devastated . My heart is #breaking I’m not just sad I’m #distraught with #Grief . I’m unable to function and just #sob with agony #grieving 
I wonder if my #Borderline has anything to do with making my #Grief so incredibly #intense ?  I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how long #grieving should last or if this is really #grieving Is it my #Borderline playing up It can’t be there’s no reason. I #desperately want to feel some kind of happiness. Even 5 minutes. But inside it feels like I’m slowly #dying .

Please someone help me.