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    Frustrated, angry, in pain, depressed and feeling useless. #Depression #angry #useless #inpain

    I just posted that I have been doing photography again as art therapy to help distract me from the depression. It is helping, but it is only short-term temporary relief.

    I have also been in a lot of pain and discomfort with my back, so when I do go out to photograph things I really feel it afterwards. It also effects my job where I do a lot of bending and getting into abnormal positions.

    My mind has been a big problem as well. I am having huge problems with focus, attention and retention. I get easily distracted which makes things take longer to do because I am constantly having to refocus. It is so aggravating. I am so frustrated with this. It effects everything I do in life, including the photography. I have seen doctors about this for years and have taken every medication to treat these problems. Nothing has worked. It has even gotten worse, especially after having ECT treatments.

    I am really struggling and feeling hopeless and useless. What has really been frustrating and aggravating is that friends, doctors, therapists and well wishers all tell me this is all temporary and things will get better. Sometimes they do, but I always seem to end up struggling again. This has been anything but temporary. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for more than 40 years. I keep looking forward to better times. I have been let down so many times I don't look forward anymore.

    #Depression #angry #inpain #useless #hopeless #ECT


    #Fibromyalgia #chronic back pain anxiety\depression

    So I was referred to a pain clinic since my primary no longer wants to prescribe me pain medication since she’s so against opioids. The ARNP at the clinic told me that in his experience vigorous exercise and Tai Chi has helped tremendously with his Fibromyalgia patients. Has anyone found that to be helpful?? I’m so tired and hurting all the time I don’t see how vigorous anything will help!
    #inpain #Trying to get through the day



    I’m living with this great anger and deep sadness. It feels like I’ve lost a part of who I am and now I need to play a part. I can no longer talk to my parents about any of this because I get shut down immediately.

    I wish I wasn’t an overachiever at work, proving to those I’m qualified and to see me. I wish I’d just been mediocre. I would be lying if I didn’t say I enjoy the perks of being full time however how it was done and the loses it’s caused have haunted me since no matter what I do. My head is spinning, I don’t know what is right or wrong anymore just the anger, pain and sadness.

    #sad #sadnesss #Anxiety #On #On #Depression #angry #inpain #Pain #help #soalone


    Trying to stay positive but it’s hard.

    I’ve been flaring for so long and I feel like I’m at my breaking point. I’ve been trying to stay positive through all this but the pain is becoming unbearable and I can barely do anything unassisted. I want to be held and just cry... #inpain #tired #flaring
    #Arthritis #Lupus


    People Suck #Feelingdown

    People suck as if I wasn't having a hard enough time just getting through the day. Today I posted a picture of myself to my Instagram and some fucking troll just felt the need to call me fat. Its things like this that made me avoid social media and still make me avoid people. But somewhere along the line I decided that I wanted to be a part of the airsoft cyber verse. So I created a account and started posting. Idk why I bother with it heck even here I feel like a outcast. But I guess that's what I deserve for thinking that I might be able to be a part of a world where people just live to hurt each other, and the worst part is that there is nothing I can do about it. If I respond it'll just make things worse. I just need someone to know how much even something as simple as that hurts me. #Feelingdown #feelingaloneandlost #inpain #SuicidalThoughts #PTSD #MajorDepressiveDisorder #CheckInWithMe


    Someday soon

    My hope is that one of these days I will just die and be done with everything. No more worries about finances, finding a career, using my college degrees, being loved, looking for friends, and absolutely no more pain. #SuicidalThoughts #imtired #ChronicPain #mysurgerydidnthelpme #imscared #imlonely #inpain #ineedsomerelief


    Do migraines always need abortive therapy or will they eventually subside on their own? #Migraine #inpain #Decisions

    What has been your experience with letting a migraine run it's course instead of getting rescue treatment. I've only done it once and the migraine continued for 3 months until I had to be hospitalized for 5 days. So I hesitate to try again but I want to know what other people experience. Is it always best to get rescue treatment and get it over with? Can it resolve on its own without intervention?


    Want to disappear #stressed #Anxiety #tired #inpain

    I just want to disappear. Get in my car with my dog and just drive as far as I can from it all. I’m in almost constant pain from the arthritis that has taken over my upper back. I’m tired of the physical therapy that does no good.

    I’m tired of being the only person responsible in my house and yet ridiculed and questioned when I do things, particularly by my youngest child (16) who tells her mother everything I say or do that she doesn’t agree with. I’m tired of my wife (her mother) siding with her constantly and second guessing my decisions only to have the same decisions that are suddenly okay.

    I’m tired of debts that never go away and only being able to get a part time job to try to pay them.

    I’m tired of having no friends near me who care and living in a place where I am constantly the outlier on almost everything I say or do.

    I’m tired of being a screw up.

    I’m so very tired physically and emotionally all the time.


    Arthritis Flare

    My joints are swollen, my chest hurts like hell, and I can’t move without assistance.. I hate flare ups. I’m in so much pain where I want to cry my eyes out but I just can’t. #Arthritis #tired #inpain #Wanttocry