I just posted that I have been doing photography again as art therapy to help distract me from the depression. It is helping, but it is only short-term temporary relief.
I have also been in a lot of pain and discomfort with my back, so when I do go out to photograph things I really feel it afterwards. It also effects my job where I do a lot of bending and getting into abnormal positions.
My mind has been a big problem as well. I am having huge problems with focus, attention and retention. I get easily distracted which makes things take longer to do because I am constantly having to refocus. It is so aggravating. I am so frustrated with this. It effects everything I do in life, including the photography. I have seen doctors about this for years and have taken every medication to treat these problems. Nothing has worked. It has even gotten worse, especially after having ECT treatments.
I am really struggling and feeling hopeless and useless. What has really been frustrating and aggravating is that friends, doctors, therapists and well wishers all tell me this is all temporary and things will get better. Sometimes they do, but I always seem to end up struggling again. This has been anything but temporary. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for more than 40 years. I keep looking forward to better times. I have been let down so many times I don't look forward anymore.
#Depression #angry #inpain #useless #hopeless #ECT