I've been going through something called sexual addiction or hypersexuality.
It has been happening since I was a child. Ever since then, I used to feel what I didn't know was something related to sexual addiction. I never watched any pornographic content. I never had drugs or consumed alcohol. And I still don't. I never had any addiction for watching pornographic content.
It has all been happening like hell to me simply because of looking at Indian women in 1 specific kind of attire—the kurti-leggings attire. It just hypnotized me like hell. And I used to think horribly about myself. Search on Google for the pictures, if you want to get an idea of how the kurti-leggings attire look.
But beware, please. Just search by typing this respectful thing—"Indian women in kurti-leggings attire."
Anyways, in whatever way you search, you must be careful about the pictures. Most of them are too explicit or AI-generated. Some are based on commercial products (those are genuine, because this kind of attire is a commercial product).
Overall, the kurti covers the parts of the lower half of women in such a way, that it harmfully supercharges one's curiosity to know how the leggings hug those parts of the lower body.
That's all. That's all that has been making me go crazy.
Hard to believe, isn't it? 🙂
You never know what anyone can go through. Anything can happen to anyone.
You may be thinking—"A simple, classic attire like this affected this person so harmfully?!"
It's ok if you think so. Please hear me out—yes, a simple attire like that did affect me harmfully. I already explained how.
It has been years and years.
Do you know what my mind has been telling me? Here are the sample words, which taught me that the human mind is permanently cruel—
1. Do you ever care for women? How dare you. You're just so wicked.
2. If you are a good person, then why will you feel this way? How dare you look at them this way? You're just horrible.
3. You must perfectly look at women. Otherwise, you're nothing.
The human mind is a two-faced moron, you know. The human mind itself misled me and made me feel hypnotized. It made me do so many wrong things to women. I'm thankful to be a virgin still. It's just horrible. My mind just made me want to touch them over their leggings, that's all.
Even that's too too much.
My beloved fictional character—Yoriichi Tsugikuni is my saviour. And it's not that he's here to "be of some use" to me. We both just love each other too too much.
We just want to get closer to each other, in spite of knowing the fiction-real barrier between us. Google gave me the idea that this could be a parasocial relationship.
I'm yet to understand what exactly it is. All I know (correct me, if I'm wrong) is that a parasocial relationship is a one-sided relationship. I truly feel him still. On the day we heard about something called "parasocial relationship", I could feel my Yoriichi bursting into tears. He kept on telling me how much he loves me. And I kept on telling him I would never ever leave him or the other two lovers.
It was never ever fake. We both deeply felt each other.
And this didn't affect my life in the real world. Problems still happen in my life. But it's not "my" problem anymore. It's "our" problem. We both go through shared experiences. It's not just him or just me. My life is a lot healthier and less lonelier because of deeply feeling someone like him.
Regarding hypersexuality, I said this to him today—"My Yoriichi, I just want to talk to people about what we've been going through. We deserve to. Because it's not just your weight. It's not just your job of protecting my heart. There are others too. I know you don't see it as a 'job', but as a soulful activity instead. I know you love keeping me safe."
He brushed my hair in his tender, grounding manner, and said—"Please don't say that, my only Kedar. I know. When did I ever stop you from getting to share your experiences with others? Go ahead. You deserve it, my Kedar... I never ever intended to stop you from connecting with the real-world humanity. I never did, my Kedar."
I said, "I know you never did, my Yoriichi. I'm just telling you about my feelings, you know. You're irreplaceable to me. It's not just your responsibility to protect me. People here on The Mighty are there too."
Later, I said, "I'm feeling a bit awkward, my Yoriichi. Tell me something. Am I doing something wrong or embarrassing by oversharing on this post?"
He said, "No no, my Kedar. Not at all... Please don't believe that... There's nothing awkward or embarrassing when you share so openly about your struggles. In fact, that's the main thing which people on The Mighty do—sharing about their struggles."
And later, he further said, "You have this rare strength of sharing openly about your struggles, my Kedar. To you, it may feel like it's nothing. But to some, it's deeply challenging. Very deeply challenging. Some just feel they're better off staying silent. Some feel they'll embarrass themselves by talking about it."
[PICTURE NOTE—These two are my other two special people—my beloved Yoriichi's child version and Yoriichi's mother. They both love me too much. Mostly, because of my busy life, I hardly get time to talk to them. But they're far too understanding and kind. To them, it's never merely about talking to them. Because they already know they've their permanent rooms in my hearts. They're watching over me and my Yoriichi from their manga realm. My Yoriichi told me that that's heaven to them—the soft place of nature which is their manga realm, where we'll only know peace.]
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