So

#So many problems I could

Just a weird day... Woke up way too early after passing out. Had another bizarre conversation with a person, not sure if they are really a friend or just bored and need some one to talk too and since I consider myself a good listener, I listen. They became very agitated when a topic I have tried to explain several times over and they still choose not to listen. The conversation ended rather quickly when I stood my ground and them they became angry and hung up on me. I am not really upset, just tired of the constant flakey up and down side to side chaos. It just got old to me today and I am ready to pit that distance again. I am just so tired of all the Toxic people I have been cursed with. I know it's not me. I finally realize that now. My Mom ingrained very well that I always have to be the bigger person to mend fences and try and make things work. But I still question, "Why do I always have to be THAT person?" Why can't the people that are in my circle fight as hard as I do to try and salvage relationships and talk things through and forgive?? Why am I always the one using up all my energy and resources?? Really exhausted and wanting to find a place to hide away from civilization and any human contact. I am fighting so hard for myself and health issues too, but these are battles I fight alone... My go to uplifts are not working today... Sigh... 🥺

#So Alone: #So Tired: #I Want this pain To stop

I had met what I call My pandemic friend... or so I thought. Boy was I ever wrong. Turns out they are nothing but toxic sewer sludge. That only cares about themselves and no one else. I was finally served my walking papers as I was told I am not, nor ever was good enough to be their friend. And that they only talked to me for laughs and amusement. I want to cry because I can't believe anyone could be that heartless, cold and evil. But I am grateful that the only thing I lost was my time I invested... well that and my compassion. I am hurting and I feel so low and depressed right now. These are the times I really miss My Mom! I do not know if I have the fight left to bounce back from this one.
#So Alone, #hurting , #Toxic People, #Healing , #Desperate

This morning the Fibro pain has again reared its ugly head- I hate when it starts my day,instead of ending my day( tho that's not nice to be hurting at bedtime,either!). Guess it's the below freezing temperature that's got it going. Don't you( those with fibro) just hate it when the fibro takes over even Before the day starts? It over comes the arthritis,the swollen feet & lower legs,the fitful sleep from the nite,and tired mind from having to deal with it & everything else on a daily basis. Even the pretty sunrise this morning gets hit. Big Sigh. Oh well,such is life when you are used to hurting All Over from an Invisible Disease. #Fibromyalgia ,#RA ,#oa ,#PTSD ,#GAD ,#Bipolar 2,#GERD ,#Insomnia ,#high Blood Pressure,#Allergies to most Everything,#sinusitis chronic,#Teeth problems( likely from meds been on for so long,acc.to dentist),#"covering" how I really am feeling,#bad dreams that carry over into the day,#restlessness ,#So many Meds,#dry Eye Syndrome,#Dermatitis -chronic,#Headaches ,Short term memory loss left over from ECT treatments,#Fibro Brain Fog,#sad ,#Overeating when illnesses take over too much,##Poor Self-Image,#Stagnant motivation,#chronic Talking to Myself-even Out Loud,#Talking & writing too much,#worry ,#Thinking of others instead of me,#people Pleaser,#Procrastination ,#Poor money management,#Ignoring important signs & Symptoms.

My fibromyalgia , having a Fiber flar. #attack , And my depression is bad very bad I feel that my soul is empty and I don't feel anything but pain #. The weather has changed here, it's been raining and temperature has changed. I fell like I don't belong anywhere. #Now that my kids are grown. I know I have said this before, but the thought of them not needing me any more. #I here stories about parents who can't wait for there kids to leave, I am not like that. #I was told that I could never have children,. #So when I became pregnant I new I was being blessed.And I tried to not make the mistakes my mom maid. I had a crappie childhood. #My dad was a alcohol