Chill

I have a love/ hate relationship with read receipts on text message. They sometimes just drive me absolutely bonkers. If it’s saying read it’s like cool they read it and are about to reply. But the more time ticks by it’s like oh crap did I mess something up, why are they not replying? 🦖 Then if it’s not read you sit there staring at it like why haven’t they read my message? Do they hate me? Are they trying to gently ghost me? Then it’s like your spiraling ideas pop in your head, no can’t do that because it’s desperate, no can’t do that because then you’re friend will think your crazy, and no you definitely can’t do that it’s vaguely stalkerish. I feel like my anxiety is just marching around in my head saying red alert 🚨🚨🚨🚨. Time to freak the heck out. Like no brain chill out they just have a life and haven’t had a chance to look at it/ respond. I swear my anxiety is better than a sports car 0 to 100 in less than a second. #Anxiety #Slowdown #Chill

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=RDJzIK5FaC38w

I've been super down since last night but this music has gotten me through the day. It's by this group called Explosions in the sky. They're purely instrumental. I feel like they understand me with their music (sounds weird to say). The music is soft, inspiring, hopeful. Very deep. I've been listening to them since I woke up. I've been playing their music on my many Lyft rides today. Their music is super mellow. I feel like I am in a state of wonder when I listen to them. Like I am discovering something amazing. Like going hiking through the forest for the first time. Besides this song I recommend, The Only Moment we were alone. #Music #mellow #Depression #calm #mood #Chill #Happiness

Quick backstory: someone very close to me who isn’t the best driver got a much larger vehicle than they’re used to. I texted random questions hoping to not be noticed that I was checking in on them. Then I logged into my security camera and watched for them to get home. I checked it every 15 minutes if not more, and started feeling like a stalker, so I forced myself to stop. A few minutes later they texted to let me know they got home okay. I checked the camera again. *sigh* Why can’t I just #Chill ?
#CheckInWithMe