Instead of using 'The Mighty' to weep and moan. Maybe... just maybe...I can use this site to better myself. It wont happen today and I don't expect it to happen tomorrow but there was once "Hope".
My initial thoughts after the "incident" were feelings of relief and hope for the future. The relief was short lived but I managed to remind myself that there was "hope" for me.
The relief was important because it signified rock bottom. It was only up from there... The difficulty for me was that I had come from the top; I just didn't know it at the time. I was forced to rebuild my life and it was incredibly difficult.
I have been picking up the pieces for over ten years trying to clear my name. My old friends were not willing to forgive me and my new friends ditched me & left me broken. I knew I had to change my life and stop the anti-social & self destructive behaviour.
I started to rebuild my life one thing at a time. I was still miserable, bitter and angry. My parents were supportive but didn't have the tools to help me.
I didn't even recognise myself and I had to learn to love myself. I wish I had the insight to realise that the solitude was a blessing and an opportunity for self-reflection. Instead of doing the work and bettering myself, I locked myself up and threw away the key.
I thought time would heal my trauma. Time has provided separation and offered me the opportunity for reflection. Unfortunately, I did not take the opportunity and continued with the same negative outlook towards life. I continued to look for external gratification to fill the void although I finally made the conscious decision not to go back for more punishment.
It's now time to start working and bettering myself. Learning new techniques and attending therapy to work through my anxiety, depression & self-loathing.
I am ready to start healing and setting myself up for the future. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself and want more out of life. I want genuine friendships & relationships without the need for alcohol and substance abuse.
It's going to be a long and difficult road but I am now willing to start the process of piecing myself back together little by little.
I lost a friend.Not by death.He said to walk.Ive traumatized him because of my own cptsd.Im in treatment and therapy.This person picked me up at my lowest.Called almost daily for weeks.Two years later with multiple diagnosis.But for months now, hurled insult after insult at me.When questioned why?He explodes.Then I rationalize and stay friends.I spent two years confiding,venting,crying,laughing and encouraging him for years prior.We had an appreciation for eachother at one point.I showed him my most vulnerable truths.I never imagined,at my age, someone would say the things he has said.He defends how much he cares for me but won't take accountability for making believe I had support from him.He stopped asking about my life or health.Minimum contact other than txt.I stopped asking about future plans as friends.He Let me know how wonderful the other women in his life were.After saying he's too busy for me.On three occasions,he tried being spontaneous to meet up.I called him on it.Said yes.Where are you! He would Immediately change plans.fit me into a two or three weeks routine.Rushed over a coffee and hour of his life.Telling me over and over how he has no time.His stressors and triggers on full display because I trigger him he say.it took almost a year to see his masks drop.The past year was embarrassing to watch.Munipulation is very transparent to a person whos lived it from childhood on.to a fault.Even with candor and grace,people do not like to admit it.I ask and value the truth at all times from people in my life.I have had to learn everyone lies to a degree.Including myself.I feel and see the motive and intent.it is sad to watch someone blatantly try to set you up,deny,backtrack,
project and blame.I'm no longer putting that expectation on those closest to me.I know so much more than I show.my silence before was for others protection.I have to look out for myself first and only.I have my son and my spouse.A friendship.A loyalty.love of my life.We still have our stories and how it started.A journey.We didn't go out of our way to hurt eachother meanness.We protected eachother.Pick the other up when needed.We made a home.A safe home for everyone.We might be passively aggressive at times.We still have a fight for eachother.Once ego falls.We laugh.And can laugh at eachothers lives.We lived it together.He would never say those things out of anger.my enemies would never say those things.
Instead of expressing how he felt and why.it is over.I realized he didn't want the friendship and had been trying fir a long time to get me to end it.I kept hoping I had a real friend, like me.I am sensitive not weak.I have endured too much despair in a short time.I wont be screamed at.I wont be belittled or disrespected with name-calling or insults of my family.The arragance,to deny ones owns faults to a friend, sets the other to question All intent.What is an apology if its not real.Its a lie.it shows intent to hurt the other again and again.There is no win.no one is spared in his rage towards me.
I hope this helps. Try to stay #calm , diminish noise,
My Cousin got married last weekend. We have a summer home that’s been in my family since I was a little girl. This is a view of the front lawn. I’m standing on the pier looking back.
This has always been my #happyplace This is the one place where I truly feel safe🙂 This place has nothing but #happymemories for me. I feel #peaceful I feel #calm I feel #Love when I am there 🙂❤️
It’s always been a magical place for me 🙂
I want to share my magical happy place with everyone even if it’s only through this photo 🙂
May you all find that special place that makes you feel loved 🥰
Feel free to tell me your happy place in the comments below 👇🏻
All my LOVE
Back in the day,
We used to play outside till dawn
Now, we're just another government pawn
Back in the day,
We used to live, laugh & grow
Now, we are forced to work our asses off bro
What is this shit? (mind my language)
Death is a trap to try and get us to submit?
As kids, we couldn't wait to be adults
Now, I reflect and I am like that was truly nuts!
The days when we could cry and be comforted
Childhood turned to adulthood and those days plummeted
Now, we're struggling to make ends meet, Who would have thought, childhood was only a treat
But it's life,
So put away that knife
It is what it is -
God is good, all is his
Better days are ahead
So, go and continue to chase that bread!
#Life #resilience #NeverGiveUp #Suicide #SuicideAwareness #Selfharm #selfharmawareness #strength #courage #bravery #Independence #freedom #freedomwriters #useyourwords #expression #expressyourself #creativity #Deep #deepthinkers #bold #Spirituality #Meditation #Spiritual #calm #Zen #gowiththeflow #liveinthepresent #loa #TheSecret #manifest #manifestation #Positivity #PositiveVibes #GoodVibes #vibes #Energy #YouCanDoIt #Believe #Hope #Care #Empathy #compassion
How do I put into words what it is that I am feeling right now? I am confused and wishing I could be just neutral.
I went shopping a little while ago, and on my way home my husband called me. He told me I should not have went shopping and spent money. I bought him some things for father's day and when I mentioned I got him some things, he became upset. It is because I don't have a job. He was upset with me about us having one income and going shopping.
He told me to not put up roadblocks into me finding a job, or doing what it is that I want to do. Professionalism is not something that comes easy for me, and with my mental health issues it's harder than that of a person without them. It is not an excuse to stay where I am, but it does not make it as easy as someone else's level of difficulty. I know everyone experiences difficulties. I swear it will be OK. I just have to find something that I love to do and go for it.
Today is a day of mixed emotions. It's driving me nuts... But it's something that I have to deal with. I am hoping for a better tomorrow since today is a Mix of a Mess and a Blessing.
#Love #Trying #iamhere #sad #happy #MixedMood #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #jobless #lonely #notalone #up &Down #PanicAttack #PanicDisorder #Crazy #Wild #calm #confused #shoppingaddiction #Mourning #grieving #Grief #FathersDay #dowhatyoulove #lovewhatyoudo #Loveislove #PrideMonth #Trying #doing
Bruce Lee was a Hong Kong American actor, filmmaker, martial artist, and the inventor of Jeet Kune Do, a style of martial arts. He was also an impressive philosopher who had a brilliant outlook on life.
These are my favorite bits of advice from him.
1. Be yourself no matter what.
“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.”
2. Don’t be afraid to own your mistakes.
“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.”
3. Don’t waste your time on nothing.
“If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.”
4. Always go with the flow.
“Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind.”
5. Don’t anger on a whim.
“A quick temper will make a fool of you soon enough.”
6. Humble yourself.
“Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory.”
7. Whatever you do, give it your all.
“I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.”
8. Life is about more than yourself.
“Real living is living for others.”
9. Strengthen your endurance.
“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one”
10. Develop love wherever you go.
“Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.”
11. Keep it positive.
“As you think, so shall you become.”
(From tracking.truthfinder. com)