Every 28 days #PMDD takes 18 days.
40% of the year is spent being me.
Don't be fooled into thinking that being me is filled happily dancing around, singing, holding hands, filled with the joys of spring, drinking in those good moments.
Being me means spending time picking up the destruction left behind after each episode, trying to piece my life back together, trying to hold my family together once again from the damage thats been caused.
It means the exhausting cycle of putting old plans in place & figuring out new plans to try and minimise the damage that the impending next episode is going to cause closest to me.
It means forever living with crippling guilt, shame, embarrassment because of things I've said, ways I've acted & a gut wrenching fear that one day I won't ever be able to claw myself out of that hole of continous thoughts and feelings of wanting to be unalive that each #PremenstrualDysphoricDisorder episode brings.
It means plastering in on a smile for my family while really I'm still crying inside for the days, hours, minutes, I missed with them, whilst a rising anxiety lurks inside me as I know what is coming.
The rest of my time is spent living as my alter ego, in #PMDDhell .
Angry, depressed, withdrawn, fatigued, in pain, disassociated from the world around me, in a constant state of self loathing & planning my own demise.
Even when PMDD is not present, it makes its presence known.
If you know someone with PMDD, please don't ever tell them it's just #PMS .
Bad PMS Anxiety
Okay sorry if this is TMI but I swear a couple of days before my period my anxiety becomes literally so high I can barely function around other people. Any external stimulation that I don't control drives me crazy and I can't make it through the day without a panic attack. This has started happening every month. I don't know what to do or how to explain to my friends and family members that this keeps happening. Does anyone have any tips? This is awful :( #PMS #Anxiety
I'M the type of person who can't stay stuck inside the house all day. I go stir crazy. I have to leave the house, even if it's just going to get Tea. Anyone elise.?
My friend is selling craft thing she made. And nobody has brought any. She posted this.( Need someone to atleast buy one or a few bracelets) I feel bad for not buying one. It's not that i don't want to support my friend. I just don't have the money to buy one and if i buy one. I'm not gonna use it. Just but it away and not wear it. Waste of oney to me. #MentalHealth
I Don't Tell You Because
I posted on Facebook last week that I was suicidal, and considering a divorce. I did not know I was experiencing the worst days of my PMS, because my monthly changed its schedule.
In response I was given a phone number to a hotline, many thoughts and prayers and my wonderful aunt, freaked out.
When my daughter was born I promised her that I would never take my own life and I would always get help. I promised the same to my son when he was born. I do not break my promises.
My course for when I feel this way, I go to bed. I take my anxiety meds, leave my medications with a and go to bed.
My aunt was having none of it. She was texting me nonstop for over an hour. While I appreciate her well meaning, my gods take my answers at their word!!!
I don't talk about how I feel on Facebook because the people there instantly freak out, think the worst, make snap judgements about what I need, and hound me about my wishes.
I ton't talk to anyone about this stuff because it is a symptom of my PMS that I become irrationally angry, overly emotional, have suicidal thoughts, and have attempted suicide in the past, and no one understands.
I don't talk about it because I have seizures that accompany my PMS and the first day of my cycle that make me feel awful and make life a thousand times more difficult.
I am tired of explaining myself all the time. I don't owe anyone explanations, I don't owe anyone anything. So when I finally discover my diagnosis and share it there with everyone "concerned" when I was suicidal and having awful seizures, and no one responds like I never said anything. That is when I know they didn't care.
#Depression #OurSideOfSuicide #PMS #Epilepsy #CatamenialEpilepsy #PMDD #PremenstrualDysphoricDisorder