I don't wanna turn 40, I don't look it. lol But still don't wanna turn that age. UGH.
Before the start of my menstrual cycle, I feel so angry, irribitable, restless, sad, apathetic… I just feel like I absolutely hate the world and everyone in it that steps in my way. I despise that feeling because it makes me push away the people that I love and rely on the most and I immediately regret it during and after my period. It really messes with the way I process my thoughts and makes my usual logic super irrational… When these feelings wash over me , I feel like I can hear myself screaming through the walls in my brain to stop. It feels like another me takes over like the abrasive side from that one SpongeBob episode. I’m trying to just distance myself when I feel like ruining a relationship over minuscule factors but that distance just makes my mind race.
Today was a beautiful day. Very warm again. I love this warm fall weather/
Think one reason why i liked this new #supportworker is because she talkedLike any normal person. Not talked down to be like a kid.
Every 28 days #PMDD takes 18 days.
40% of the year is spent being me.
Don't be fooled into thinking that being me is filled happily dancing around, singing, holding hands, filled with the joys of spring, drinking in those good moments.
Being me means spending time picking up the destruction left behind after each episode, trying to piece my life back together, trying to hold my family together once again from the damage thats been caused.
It means the exhausting cycle of putting old plans in place & figuring out new plans to try and minimise the damage that the impending next episode is going to cause closest to me.
It means forever living with crippling guilt, shame, embarrassment because of things I've said, ways I've acted & a gut wrenching fear that one day I won't ever be able to claw myself out of that hole of continous thoughts and feelings of wanting to be unalive that each #PremenstrualDysphoricDisorder episode brings.
It means plastering in on a smile for my family while really I'm still crying inside for the days, hours, minutes, I missed with them, whilst a rising anxiety lurks inside me as I know what is coming.
The rest of my time is spent living as my alter ego, in #PMDDhell .
Angry, depressed, withdrawn, fatigued, in pain, disassociated from the world around me, in a constant state of self loathing & planning my own demise.
Even when PMDD is not present, it makes its presence known.
If you know someone with PMDD, please don't ever tell them it's just #PMS .
Okay sorry if this is TMI but I swear a couple of days before my period my anxiety becomes literally so high I can barely function around other people. Any external stimulation that I don't control drives me crazy and I can't make it through the day without a panic attack. This has started happening every month. I don't know what to do or how to explain to my friends and family members that this keeps happening. Does anyone have any tips? This is awful :( #PMS #Anxiety