#PTSD #migriane #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PanicDisorder #PanicAttack #Anxiety #Depression #SleepDisorders
Good Day everyone! I hope everyone is safe and well!
My work is getting stressful and my boss is getting ridiculous as the days goes by. He is just a year older than my husband. Sometimes i wonder isit my zodiac sign and his are mismatch which explains why me and him cant communicate and understand each other at all. - thats to make myself feel better?
He requested to meet up in the office today. But he is down with covid for a second time. ( how unlucky this fellow can be. Within the span of 6 months? Looks like he need to carry some lucky charm or something? ) I texted him and asked him whether is the meet up still on on Saturday evening (just in case later i get the blame for not taking initiative to ask him first.) he says he is still positive, therefore meeting will be via zoom today at 1pm. So, at around 12.50pm, i send him the documents via whatsapp and the zoom password to enter the meeting.
He then ignore it and text me via whatsapp and then ask me to call him. He told me it is inconvenient for him to speak on the phone via whatsapp call, but can speak via normal voice call.
He then never gave me a chance to speak the moment he picked up the phone and started his nonsense. He said i should stop taking in sales which my current client refer. I should take in other new sites. I told him, I did but its all a matter of time. We are dealing with services with commitments and its on contract terms, minimum with a year of services rendered,not some retail product sales.
He said you have been in for 4 months plus and just brought in a yearly revenue of $400K+ . I am loss for words. To be honest, in role at my industry, we will not bring in any sales to the company til we feel that the company is capable of handling our accounts. We will monitor the operations support and the back up team.
Over here, there is no operations support. Total mess, no HR support, no Finance support, no Admin support, like what a proper organisation should have. My colleague ( 1 particular guy) he cant get along with me and same here. In my previous jobs, I get along very well with my team as we know and understand, we are a team and we cant do without each other. But this guy is selfish and he even offended my client.
My client complained to me when I went to have a meeting with him. My client said he is very inexperienced. (Which i agree) His attitude is ‘Mr Smart Alex’ and ‘Mr I know it all’
I told my client, if you want a change in personnel, please write in and copy my boss in it. He screwed up my account and now for this month, I dont know how much damages charges will be deducted from my invoice. This in return will affect my commission payout.
I totally cant communicate with him. In his role, he should forsee and plan what is going to happen and maintain a good relationship with the staff on ground. I cant meddle with operations stuffs, if not my boss will come screaming at me.
I wish i could do everything by myself. But it is not my job scope anyway. I only do how much I am being paid. The more i care, the more i will feel so sickening why I got to work with such people.
My boss attitude is seriously stupid. Sorry to say that. Even when i am on medical leave. He can text me and ask me to reply to his mail or clients mail. Client can text or write to me and say its okay, take care and reply when you are back as nothing is urgent.
I dont know what he wants. I feel like telling him off. By asking him, he will say you should know, if i didnt ask him, he would say why you didnt update me.
Its really tiring and mentally draining working for such people.
My client told me - “ i award my site and other accounts to you is not because of your boss or your team, is because of you. Because i know you will take good care of my account” He told me please dont jump ship before my contract with your company ends.
This is really bad for my mental health. I am screaming and shouting every night at sleep. I dont want to go out anymore. To me, I feel so tired and sick.
I always get a panic attack wherever i see my boss text or mail. I always get so irritated when his name appears on my phone or my inbox.
By the rate this is going, I’m afraid the salary which I am earning will be all used for anti depressants and sleep aids.
I am holding on is because i get to work at home. I only head out when I need to meet clients. But whenever I need to do presentations or speak in a setting with many audience, no one knows, I am taking my anti anxiety medicine. Only my husband and my doctor knows about it. Without it, I will slutter and my heart will feels like its coming out and I will start to shake badly and i will be sweating like i just completed a marathon.
Its really not easy to be me.
I was put on 2 weeks rest by my psychiatrist. During the 2 weeks, i feel so relax, doing the things i like and spending time with my husband.
But the moment i know i need to head back to work, my heart sank and anxiety is back.
My medical certificate did not indicate it was from a psychiatrist. If ever my boss ever googled the doctor’s name. I will be screwed. Seriously, all my hard work will be gone.
The stigma of seeking help here is…. considering weak, crazy and you are not good at managing your own emotions.
But no one knows, how much i went through, and how much courage it took for me to see a psychiatrist.
Thank you everyone who read this and this get off my chest.
Please stay safe and take good care of yourself