I just tried to get food at four different places.
I had a massive panic attack at each one.
My case manager won’t be in next week. I can call her boss but there won’t be any immediate physical assistance for at least a couple of weeks.
It’s not even just money. It is partially.
It’s that I am physically getting sick with panic before I can even complete the steps of doing the thing.
It used to be I had a hard time paying bc my card would get declined sometimes
Then I would have a hard time going into stores
Then I would have a hard time making decisions
Then I could only get a couple of items
Now I can’t get through the process of getting anything.
I dissociate and lose things. Important things. Like my phone
I don’t have anyone to call.
I tried asking for help for 12 hours this morning and I didn’t get a response.
I sit in crisis by myself sometimes for days.
Three of my medications have been interrupted.
I am fighting for my basic rights to be respected by two agencies.
I lost my core support.
I don’t have enough money for food.
I am going back to a place where I am not even acknowledged and there is a countdown for me to be out on her streets. By my former best friend.
I don’t have anyone to show up for me.
I am homeless, about to be living in my car.
People say to talk but when I try they can’t handle it.
And this is the one place I feel heard. (Thank you)
There is so much more. I am so scared.
#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #CPTSD #Agoraphobia #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #ADHD #ChronicVestibularMigraine #Migraine #ChronicMigraines #Trauma #DomesticAbuseSurvivors #CheckInWithMe