Constantpain

Everyday I find myself pushing myself to get up, go to work, to be a normal healthy person when reality is I’m not. I’ve been ill for nearly 18 years now, and each time I’ve had operation I’ve got worse or they diagnose something else. I now live with ME/CFS, depression, anxiety, endometriosis, bladder issues and appear to be the only person in the world that is allergic to fibre, plus so many other illness. Yet everyday I get up feel like I put a metaphorical mask on and hide behind it and push myself to go to work. Why do I do this you ask but the truth is I don’t know the answer myself. I know it causes more health issues and when I’m not working I literally don’t move from my bed as I can’t function, yet still I continue the same cycle week after week. Is it because I have this deep desire to prove that I am strong and can fight it all when in fact inside my body is screaming at me to stop. Or is that I have this feeling inside that for one day I want to be pain free and be seen for me not for the woman that has all these excuses why she can’t go out, she can’t does this or that, the woman that’s always at the surgery or hospital or the woman that takes so many medications she surely keeps the pharmacy is business. Why do I try to hide that I’m in pain 24/7 and that I’m so fatigued it takes all my effort just concentrate on the task. Why do I do this to myself and torture myself when I know eventually I’ll crash and I’m slowly killing my body off. Why why why?? The only answer I can give is I love my job (I work in mental health) and if I can help one person feel better than I do then surely it makes all my suffering worthwhile or is that I have this illusion that I’m good at pretending I’m normal? What even is normal?

I have to be in bed by 6pm because I just can't take the pain anymore. I work so hard to get to 6 and still feel like a loser when everyone else in my family is getting together for fun. # # #chronicillness
#ChronicPain
#RheumatoidArthritis
#BackPain
#SpinalFusion
#SpinalStenosis
#somuchmore
#fibromaylgia
#Constantpain

Anyone else out there with multiple autoimmune/health conditions that just keep piling and piling up start to wonder what the point of it all is? To be forced to live out every single day suffering in immeasurable amounts of pain, barely able to take care of yourself anymore, just because others would be sad if you weren’t here anymore. I mean really this really isn’t any type of quality of life anymore and there is no end in sight to the pain. I only get diagnosed with more and more health issues as the years go by. I’m 26 years old and am making a will for Christ’s sake. I guess I’m just wondering if there anyone out there in a similar situation who understands what I’m saying.

She meant well, and shared how she coped.

"I just think about the people who have it worse. There is always someone out there who has is worse than you."

I bit back the retort I usually give, because she is a survivor too. That is the tool that helps her to continue on in strength.

But inwardly, I felt angry and somewhat crushed. I know others hurt more than I do. I know others have been hurt worse than I have. But that knowledge doesn't make the #Flashbacks go away, or my #Constantpain ease, or my #Anxiety back down. I'm still living with the fallout of #ChildAbuse , and likely will for the rest of my life, regardless of whether I can think my way out of it or not.

I guess my takeaway from that interaction is that what works for someone else may not be the best for everyone. She is doing the best she can with what she has, and so am I.

Some people will not understand--and that's okay. Other survivors will look down on me, and that's okay too. My moccasins are not theirs, and theirs are not mine. It is only my job to be kind and compassionate to all, no matter what my internal reaction is.

#CPTSD
#Anxiety

I’m a 19 year old woman just trying to get on the right side of some symptoms. #OvarianCyst
#Migraine #dietaryproblems #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #fybromyalga #Constantpain #cramps

I had to get off of my Fibro meds due to pregnancy, I'd like to stay off of them but the pain is extreme. What are some ways you manage the pain that work despite or as well as the meds?
I'm always hurting weather I'm on them or not but maybe you have some ideas?

#Fibromyalgia #Constantpain #painmangement #help #shareyourstory

I can’t eat sleep piss shit can’t bearly walk nothing Im in so much pain every second of everyday I try to push myself even when my body is telling me to stop I also try to stay as positive as possible. But at the moment I can’t take sleepless nights no more I’ve had “mental breakdowns” (just when I can’t take no more and cry and just can’t keep it together) but tonight I can’t no matter what. I know other people feel like this what do people do when they are just lost and can’t take one more second. I’ve tried mindfulness many times before i really need some help here.