dysthymic disorder

Great (!) Psychiatrist decides that *now* is a good time to discharge me from outpatients. No one else here but Amitayus Caleb cat and much as I love him, he's not very talkative.

Psychiatrist won't refer me to psychologist because of everything that's happening (I'd have thought that was the perfect time TO refer me) and if I want to talk to someone I've to (and I quote), "ring voluntary organisations like the Samaritans."

He won't consider any other diagnoses saying I have #DysthymicDisorder and #EUPD emotionally unstable personality disorder. Would you *really* discharge someone who feels so vulnerable?

I feel let down by the #NHS in Scotland really let down.

I *am* seeing my GP about something completely unrelated so a friend has suggested mentioning what's happened tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

(the photo is of him watching the person leading the relaxation meditation on my phone)

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#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Depression #DysthymicDisorder #INFJ

The feeling of ennui, lethargy that overcomes you following repeated assaults on your sense of well being, dignity and outlook served by cruel and unforgiving fate! A painful and shameful separation, sabotaged repeatedly at work by rotten systems and work ethics being two of the many such setbacks that cruel fate dealt on me.

This has one totally capitulated and prostrate. A dreary and overpowering sense of wretchedness overcomes you from the moment you wake up... complete indifference, fear and loathing. A stigma too latches on to your persona and the few people you count on also ignore you... who wants to associate with a jinx, loser and a failure? and such unpleasant folks tantrums? and even if perceived charitably what do we tell such a person? I don’t have a family and i don’t work..., guess between the two much of modern life gets accounted for. And ergo folks look so askance when i encounter few. You become a ‘specimen’ and with such history and baggage a stigmatized ‘other’.

It’s been weeks since i have met anyone, or even had a conversation or chat whose purpose was anything other than transactional... Recall the time how one used to engage in certain banter and (seemingly) meaningful chats and meet up few folks. But then today when one thinks deeper we realise the sucker that one was in initiating such fraternizing and prop the vanity of many just to keep myself animated. So wish some would give me the same benefit of doubt today. It’s just my counselor(s) now...

So now that you have ceased taking such initiation, you are alone. And further on such recognitions, one becomes very diffident. You then recourse to other pursuits or distractions ... attempting to write a book, you read a bit... then some yoga... have a routine as well of scheduled cooking, gardening and listening to some music and netflix through the day... but nothing makes meaning or sense. Grieving alone and yet reaching to your depths to keep life and matters nominally functional is exhausting and deeply hurting...😢 How long will i be chastised by fate, circumstances and people...?? how long do i put up with such loss, shame and weariness? #SuicidalThoughts #Loss #Stigma #FailureToThrive #Shame #Loneliness #DysthymicDisorder #PerfectlyHiddenDepressedPerson

As a child I was surrounded by psychological services a lot , currently I suffer from anxiety and dysthymic disorder.
Mental disorders are difficult to cure because what is not seen by human is difficult to understand, it is important to try to recover on your own , to try to swim to the surface where thousands of hands are waiting for you and will take you out of this "ocean" .
Over time I visited many psychologists and psychiatrists, but it always seemed like I was a too complicated case, no one knew exactly how to help me, and that made me feel more and more lonely. I wanted to give up many times, but giving up without trying is like I never wanted to change anything, so I kept trying for the last time.🌸
I found a site that offered free counseling, I never trusted online counseling ...but I made an account, later I met the best psychologist and currently one of the best people I know who has become my friend.
This woman , 16 years older than me has become my friend. A person that I admire enormously, not for how she looks, not for her job or for her achievements, I admire her compassion and empathy, the way she thinks and the intelligence she has. It is not a romantic attraction, it is the kind of attraction that a child feels when the doctor offers him a lollipop, that admiration and pleasant feeling that you have when a stranger complements you, I am attached to this person who inspires me daily and who managed to use words to be there for me when no one was .. and for that I will always be grateful.♡
The basic idea is that we attract what we want, and the Law of Attraction is proof that we are capable of much more than the eye allows us to see and the mind to understand, I believe in the friendship I have with this person because it is something that I always wanted, a friendship like Winnie the Pooh and Piglet, an endless story.
It is important not to give up, good things need time but when they appear, you will need them the most. 🧡🐻

#Therapy #Friendship #Love

I'm looking for a new room to rent and it's making me miserable. Usually my kid comes with me on weekends and stays with me, but I'm not finding any place that allows that and I'm spiralling. My son visits makes my life bearable, and idk what I would do without them. I'm feeling so anxious, depressed and hopeless I can't bear it.
I'm afraid. So afraid.

#Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #DysthymicDisorder #Anxiety #Parenting

I miss my son so much. Currently he's living with his father, and I can only see him twice a month due to my job. If I continue to improve my life, my job, my health... maybe in the future he will stay with me. If not, why am I fighting?

The sadness is overwhelming. My chest hurts so much every time I think about this. I cannot breathe.

#Depression #DysthymicDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #Parenting

My Mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer a year ago... she died 6 months later... it’s been six months since then.... I was never good at life, but now it’s an impossible task... I can’t foresee anything changing
#PersistentDepressiveDisorder #EarlyOnSetDysthymia #DysthymicDisorder #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #lost