encouragementiswelcome

I worked very hard for ten years to move up with in a company. I was doing real good. I was getting know as someone who did thing right and exceeded expectations. I began to deal with some things last year with sexual abuse I endured and others around me. And overwhelmed with emotions of my own husband sexually abusing his sisters durning his teenage years. I began to overwork myself 18-20 hr days. I was a main performer. But I cashed and stepped down to work on my marriage. Three months later my husband began to have an affair with a co-worker. She gave him everything he needed and wanted. He decided to stay in the marriage and end his 3 month affair. He quit his job ( A very good job and pay) my reaction to the affair landed me in the hospital. And I am depressed and have anxiety. I have completed my DBT courses. And returning to work. I was demoted. I feel heart broken the company I worked so hard, just dropped me. I feel sad. My marriage, my work, and my sons I feel like I lost it all. I really want to win back what I lost but I feel discouraged. #encouragementiswelcome

I was determined to get my laundry done. Three flights of stairs. Five heavy bags. I moved them alone. I drove to laundromat. I accomplished getting them washed and dried. I knew I had overdone. I can’t walk without crying today. It really hurts despite pain meds. I feel so disappointed in myself. I knew better. I am afraid for my future. I am an overachiever. I know I’m not alone in feeling frustrated. I am trying to remain grateful, but it’s very rough today. I really need encouragement.

Last Saturday, I managed to pull off a nearly “Pinterest-worthy” Minecraft party for my 7-year-old’s birthday. That’s an achievement in itself, but considering that I did this after a raging tooth abscess that put me in the ER twice, before I was finally able to have the 2 problem teeth extracted, it was practically a miracle. And, in typical #Fibromyalgia style, it set me back all this week.

Yesterday was my first day of activity, after a week of rest. My kids and I went swimming with my mom and teenage brother, followed by a brief follow-up dentist appointment. It wore me out far more than I expected, which was unfortunate timing.

Today was grocery day, and it took me 5.5 hours, because I couldn’t focus on anything, and my whole body ached from swimming. I also went over budget by $20, because I was so out of it, AND forgot a few things!

Now, I’m trying to get everything ready for a “camping” trip this afternoon. Thankfully, we’re staying in a cabin, which is totally cheating IMO, but I don’t think I could manage this time, otherwise. I’m currently trying to get my butt up and get busy, but all I want to do is sleep. I just need to vent in a safe place, because I don’t really have anyone to talk to who understands in any way. #CheckInWithMe #encouragementiswelcome

#SelfCareChallenge #Depression #PTSD #Anxiety #IAmNotAlone #52SmallThings #Depression #emdr #encouragementiswelcome

Life is overwhelming in more ways than one, it is stressing me out and draining.

Today, I'm hoping to focus on the small things in what I have already done and will be doing, to help myself. I have a small mental list of things I am working on and here's to finding ways to accept what I can do and allow myself for room to grow somehow in those I can't do.