enlightenment

I trapped particles of smoke in a bowl the other day, and stared at them for at least 30 minutes. I could move the smoke around, and look super closely at what the inside of smoke looked like. I believe that would be particles? Ever since I’ve depersonalized ( #DepersonalizationDisorder , DPDR), I have clear, accurate thoughts about physics, the universe, creation, peoples personalities, philosophy, etc. I came to multiple conclusions on my own, that my psychoanalysis later confirmed where popular opinions of philosophers, specifically Freud. I became sick about a year ago, and stepped outside of my body to diagnose myself, because the doctors weren’t trying hard enough. I figured out what was wrong, and now they want to study my brain and my body. Does anyone have any experiences like this? It’s like the most depressing version of #enlightenment #Depression #DissociationDisorders #DissociativeIdentityDisorder

I am a woman of contradictions. I'm okay with that. I've suffered many losses from many causes. Today's topic is: #enlightenment
The type that you possess within you but may not make itself known until the proper aspects your universe move into #alignment and suddenly your body and mind welcome you to #Awareness ! My feelings on such situations (since #Iamnotincontrol ) is #dearlordwhatlooparewegoingthrunooooow ? Along with #ohnohurryitup and #alltheusual wishful thinkin's. Well, dramatic intro aside, I deep down, truly, [despite official diagnosis at age 19] and the #familyhistory just did jot want to believe I was #Bipolar . But today I finally could no longer unintentionally deny that I have been repeatedly #Manic so manic times over the past years.

It may seem odd that I am a functioning (use of that word here is questionable :) ) mostly accepting previously #BipolarTypeII ... But, I look at it with some apparent clarity and I see the storied tales of bipolar starlets of the golden age... The age of the #manicdepressive , #doll 💄💎. My family does not like to accept with any emotion, illness. Which does not go well with a #HighlysensitivePerson , or #HSP . I am #hypervigilant and also an #empath . An #empath is a being who is extra sensitive to their environment, some people are able to sense more in certain areas than other persons but these gifts are very draining on the person who has them. They cannot be turned on or off, however people can try to learn #tactics to help them deal with the #negative effects. Back to bipolar!

I am still feeling like I am in shock. I feel fairly alone in this aside from some new special friends of mine I met recently. I also have a #RareDisease which causes me daily pain and degradation of my joints/spine with no cure. My story is a big one. I would love to tell everyone out there. I am just in a situation... Jeez! Lol.
#✌#🦓#Pride