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I can let what’s happening define me or refine me.

As the years have gone by I have had to change my life drastically. My family has had to change theirs. When someone in your home has multiple diseases & there are no cures, it doesn’t just affect me (the sick one) it affects everyone I love. I have had new symptoms start & am now being tested again. So, more waiting. I’m bed ridden for 90% of my day & in a wheelchair for the other 10%. I’m not going to lie, there are days it’s just to much. It breaks me & I just can’t take it anymore. And that is when I need God to pick me up & carry me because I just can’t anymore. There are no words. The pain, the sickness, the loneliness, the frustration you feel when your body turns against you & won’t do what you want it to. When you’re destructing from the inside out. Then there are days I can handle it. I put on my happy face so people don’t see what is really going on. My family knows, because they know me to well. But I won’t let what’s happening define me. It may be shaping me, molding me into someone I need to be. I do believe all of this has a purpose. I don’t know what it is, but God does. And his ways are always better than mine. All I know is- I want to be, “Those who have walked through the fire leave sparks of light wherever they go.” - Unkown Muse from a Mystic # Chronicdiseasewarrior #Fightingthegoodfight #NeverGiveUp #warrior #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #AutonomicDysfunction #ChronicKidneyDisease #MultipleSclerosis #ChronicMigraines #MenieresDisease #CentralSensitizationSyndrome #Fibromyalgia #ChiariMalformation #Godisincontrol #Family


Is my new (working) medication causing serious side effects?

The last couple weeks have been the best I've had in years. I think we finally found a medication that works for me (as well as getting off social media and getting therapy). However I've been having some problems (word finding, memory, and utter exhaustion). Long story short I was asked by someone if this could be a side effect of this medication that is actually working. I consulted Dr Google and sure enough the med I'm on can cause low sodium. That in turn can cause these problems I'm noticing. However low sodium can be dangerous and requires treatment.

My first thought as I was processing all this was my doctor may take me off my new med. That of course got my thoughts going and I started getting anxious. If I have to go off this med and my depression comes back full force than I will be the worst off that I have ever been. I was freaking out on the inside and I wanted to cry (first time in a 2+ weeks). Finally my thoughts slowed down just enough to remember that I don't even know if I have low sodium. I'm freaking out about something that may not even be true nor do I know what all options I have should I have it. Then a couple verses came to my mind and I was finally able feel peace. I hope you can as well with whatever your worries may be.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

#Depression #Anxiety #Worrying #TheBible #Godisincontrol #MentalHealth


A helpless helper

But Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
Matthew 19:26

It took me 8 years to get my master's degree and my professional license. I worked for 8 years in my field. I was at work one day and then not. I found myself applying for FMLA and when the 6 weeks that were approved were over I quit. Eight years of my life, work, heartache, and money down the drain. That sure made my depression worse.

Here I am over eight months later. I had my counseling session yesterday. My therapist made the comment that a helper has to accept their helplessness. I'm a trained and licensed helper. It goes against my very nature to accept the fact that I can't help everyone. But to be able to help others I must accept that I can't help everyone. I'm not sure I can do that. How does a helper accept that they can't help everyone?

#Depression #helpingothers #nocontrol #TheBible #Godisincontrol #helplessness

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Why is God making me go through this storm

I’ve been dealing with mental and emotional exhaustion and I don’t know where God is in all of this. I feel like this storm has no end in sight and goes on forever but I know it has to stop some time. I want to throw in the towel and give God a piece of my mind because I can’t take it anymore and I want out. I thought once I came to Christ everything would be a little better but instead I fight with depression and anxiety almost daily. Why does the Bible say God will comfort those who believe in him when all I seem to get is more anxiety and depression!? Why won’t he just take my pain away already? I thought God was a God of love but why am I so mentally and emotionally drained? Why won’t he just make these demons go away? What the heck did I do to deserve this!? Oh yea I challenged him to change my life and I forgot you can’t challenge God in my ignorance and arrogance. I dared him out of anger and hatred that’s what I did now I feel damned forever because of it. I feel like I’m like a little kid asking their parent a whole of questions but half the time I feel like he doesn’t answer. #Losingfaith #Depression #SuicidalThoughts #Godisincontrol #FeelingAlone #AngeratGod


Cancer wont win

Fighting cancer for a year and 7 months. Im fight a year and 1 month longer then the doctors expected. God has the final say so. Cancer has saved my life. Im more health conscious of what im consuming. Im completing my bucket list and doing things i never thought ill be able to do. Thank you cancer for waking me up.

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“I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.”

I know personally how hard it is to be content in your current circumstances. I know personally how hard it is to be content in patiently waiting for God to point you the way you should go on a certain job title that suits you. I know personally how hard it is to watch the people you knew going far in life when you feel like you’re stuck in one place. The list goes on.

While social media is good to stay in touch with family members and friends who are in another state/country, social media can also be one of Satan’s greatest weapons to throw at you in your mind with a dagger for you to compare your life at the moment with other people’s life’s, make you feel insecure about your looks if you see someone who looks prettier or healthier and your wardrobe if you see someone who has better clothes than you do, make you feel like you’re not wise enough or worthy enough to get a job no matter how many times you’ve applied for jobs, make you feel like your walk with God is not as powerful or strong as others do, and vice versa.

I know this is easier said than done, but don’t give in to Satan’s mind games. If you see someone going higher on the mountain God has put them on, cheer on for them to keep going headstrong with obedience! Compliment someone on how gorgeous or good-looking they look today because they might have posted that selfie for an extra confidence boost! Compliment someone on their outfit for today because they are killing the look! Compliment someone on their health journey and give them some encouragement to keep moving forward! Congratulate someone on their promotion or getting a job because they’ve been fighting hard to get that job title! Joyfully and genuinely praise for those true children of God for how far they have come on their journey with God!

Be content in where you are today. God put you where you are today in your life for a very good reason. Let God give you the strength and renew your mind to be content in whatever it is you may be going through right now. Bloom where God has planted you.

*Reference: Philippians 4:11-13

#Content #contentment #GodisGood #GodsPresenceIsEnough #Godlovesyou #GodlyAdvice #Godbelievesinyou #Godcaresforyou #Godisincontrol #encouragement

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