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Happy Humpday!

Here’s a throwback from the days when we were all slaves to the whims of the Mighty Ginger One. He is now chasing mice on the other side of rainbow bridge, and I like to think tripping up angels and scratching their exposed ankles when they least expect it 😹

But where would be without our little anipals… they help to keep our lives interesting. In doing so, lend it some much needed meaning so that his paw prints are furever in my heart 🐾

#Cats #MightyPets #humpday #DistractMe #Homebound #bedbound #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ChronicFatigue #Fibromyalgia #PeripheralNeuropathy #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease

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The Autumn Of My Years

Frank Sinatra famously sang in “It Was A Very Good Year”—a survey of his life of sorts—observing that it was a very good year when he was 17, and again at 21, and 35. Later the days grow short and he finds himself in the autumn of his years. Frank doesn’t share with us what age he is, but it’s 2022 and I’m 42, and I feel that I have reached the autumn of my life.

I am rooted in my bed. I can stretch my limbs as far as downstairs maybe once, twice, a day. I manage to water myself about twice a week, but even then, my trunk groans and creeks with the effort. Most things that I enjoyed when I it was in the summer of my life, have lost their lustre. And like the autumn tree, I have begun to shed my hair.

My branches held onto my leaves as long as possible. For that I cannot fault them. The rings of decay from the physical—and emotional—stress that were forming unseen inside me just become too many, and without my awareness. I saw countless doctors, all of whom failed to identify the rot that had set in, declaring me a mystery with my inverse T-waves, shaking limbs, falling leaves, and general failure to thrive. Finally, after two emergency room visits, a hospital stay (2 out of 5 stars, do not recommend), I finally saw an endocrinologist after a two month wait. He was confident that I had most likely gone from a state of hypothyroidism to hyperthyroidism without knowing it, for at least a year. With all the stress this imbalance of hormones placed upon my body, my hair started to break and then fall out.

So now I am in the literal autumn of my years.

The forecast is hopeful in that with the right treatment, most of my hair will grow back. And, after having weathered an unrelenting storm for the better part of the past year, my body just wants to hibernate. I am grateful that we are approaching winter, which makes sleeping all day feel like less of an indulgence. But I think about my hair loss and how for the past two months I have been lost for the right words to talk about it… particularly in the absence of a diagnosis.

There are things I can tell you though.

I can tell you that even though I couldn’t walk, developed alarming peripheral neuropathy, and needed a wheelchair, the thought of losing my hair scared me more. Despite developing what the doctors repeatedly referred to as “concerning” cardiac symptoms, my concern remained with the loss of my hair and with each parting strand, a part of my identity felt at risk. I can tell you that after being admitted to hospital for observation, I became even more afraid when my body hair started to fall out. Making each trip to the bathroom into a turbulent storm of anxiety, grief, and depression, as my body continued to shed more leaves.

This being a major outward sign of my condition, every day of increased hair loss made me feel like I was ever closer to being visited by the famed hooded logger, and thrust into the great wood chipper. And no Friends like Pheobe, Monica, and Joey to save me.

As I fixated on my hair loss, I learned many things.

I learned that there are all sorts of potions that you can buy, that promise to help regrow hair. There are wigs… so many wigs. But the choice really only comes down to two questions. “Can I pull off this radical new look?” Or, “if I cut this wig in a certain way, will it make me look like I did before?” Thyroid related hair loss apparently means any hair that does grow back, might not be the same colour as before. So that’s kind of like a present to look forward to, only it’s unlikely to arrive by Christmas. A full head of medium length hair apparently takes two, maybe three years to regrow. In that respect at least, I feel like I will be like a sapling again, with literal tufts of juvenile hair sprouting between what remains of my established leaves and locks.

I can tell you that in addition to the emotional pain, hair loss hurts, quite literally. It hurts to pull on it, and my hair band falls out often—I just don’t have enough to bunch together anymore. So I’ve invested in cancer hats. Only I don’t have cancer, so I also feel like an invading alien species. And of course derogatory as the term is, it is accepted that cancer patients are “brave”. The only thing worse than this enforced bravery is that there is no accepted lexicon, or field guide for what I am.

But I can tell you how I feel.

I feel like the lonely tree in a forest that doesn’t look like, or feel like, I belong with the others. I’m not quite sick enough to be offered any support to help prop me up, even though every day is a struggle just to hold myself upright. Being my kind of sick is to be that lonely tree in a field that people are happy to shelter under in a storm, but quick enough to cut down at the first sign of disease.

And I do not know when it will be spring again.

But I hope that when that day finally arrives I will rush out into the wilderness and hug every tree I see. Even more so in winter—for I will know what it is like to be bare, and suffer from a lack of kindness or care.

#HairLoss #Hypothyroidism #Hyperthyroidism #GravesDisease #Grief #Loss #Depression #Loneliness #ChronicIllness #Alopecia #MyCondition #Anxiety #Stress #MentalHealth #MightyTogether #SpoonieProblems #Selftalk #Selfimage #Selfesteem #PeripheralNeuropathy #Neuropathy #WritingThroughIt #Disability #Homebound #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #Spoonie #Hope

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#Homebound #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Fibromyalgia

If you suffer debilitating pain😖that keeps you inside your place💒 & you live in an apartment 🏪or a home🏠where you can't grow a garden outside, an indoor garden 🌷🌸🌿can bring a lot of enjoyment !! Cuz I don't get much sunligh 🌞 in here, I have bought a couple "grow lights" to help.

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I💗my Gracie #Cats #pettherapy #Pets #Livingalone #Homebound

I honestly dont think I would be alive if I didn't have a loving pet living with me. I think I'd of been unable to cope with the effects living alone over a long period of time. Schizophrenia can get nuts with too much & too intense, complete isolation.


Feeling mighty low

I'm feeling completely alone and disconnected from everything. Also wondering why I can't get hashtag searches to work on this site. I tried #Depression and nothing came up. Tried it without the hashtag and still didn't work. I did this using the explore box / magnifying glass symbol. I feel like Charlie Brown. I can't get anything to work. I'm sick of being sick w #ChronicIllness . I'm #Homebound #isolated TV is my only source of structure. That often does not work. I don't even watch these reruns since I've seen them a million times. It's just for somethings that happen at the same time each night. Like rocks to cling to. Ugh. I have no hope of ever having a life again, or ever not being alone and isolated and sick. 🤢😖😨😰😫🤒🤕😨😓

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Together 💟

ID: text that reads: Will you still encourage virtual hangouts when social distancing ends? Will you stream movies and lectures? Will you broadcast concerts? Will you host online protests? Will your organizations’ meetings be easily accessed online?

Will you remember what this level of access meant to us? Will you pay mind to our complex emotions when it’s inevitably back to usual overnight?

Or will it just be us again? I think we already know many of these answers, but we’ll be okay. Together, we already were. #Accessibility #ChronicPain #Disability #COVID19 #Homebound

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Indoor Gardening

🌿🌸Indoor Gardening is a great hobby. Requires daily attention & care. It's great cuz it's not strenuous & it's indoors. For ppl like me who can't do strenuous activity & are #Homebound .due to #ChronicIllness. &/or are #Disabled in their mobility. Such as , for me for example,, #ChronicPain. #nervepain due to #Fibromyalgia . ....., 🌱The top left is my new "SPATH" plant🌿 - also known as a "peace . lilly". As you can see by looking at the pic next to it, that it is one of the easiest plants to #Grow indoors. Living in an apartment., I don't get enuf sun for most plants to live long. The SPATH, however, does best in "filtered" sunlight.
If you. like having indoor plants , you might want to pick something from that illustration. ( the bottom pic is my begonia🌺 & my fig tree🌳. (My sister got me a "grow light" last #Christmas cuz they, like a lot of plants, require more sun 🌞 .)


Uniquely Prepared for Self-Isolation & Social Distancing

It's interesting that I feel a tiny bit of relief in a time like this. I've been practicing self-isolation and social distancing for years now due to chronic illness and chronic pain. That makes me uniquely prepared for an event like this. I'm experiencing so much pain and fatigue, and of course loneliness, but I know I got this. And that gives me a small sense of comfort. I'm not gonna freak out because this is not all new to me. There are always positives to take away from negative experiences. Even in such a grim times. You can find a way to cope.♡
#ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #painwarrior #Isolation #Homebound #SocialDistancing


How do I get therapy Home bound can't afford it? #WheelchairUsers #Homebound #CerebralPalsy #BipolarDisorder

I have in past seen a family friend who was a therapist. He is the father of my former primary doctor. He treated me for free given our relationship and my circumstances. The therapist gave me some amazing tools. He has since retired & will no longer treat me. I get that. His son is no longer my primary because he moved on to hospital administration. I have a psychiatrist. He does not give me advice or coping strategies. Not his job. I know. It is profoundly frustrating when I only get "that is difficult to work through" as a reply. #Psychiatrists #Adviceplease #Therapist