major depression disorder

Haven't posted on here in a minute and wasn't going to but I'm in a deep black hole yet again *sigh*

In a nutshell I just turned 47 on 1/16 and my little one will be 9 next month. He's a sweet, good boy buuut the frustration that's making my anxiety totally maxed out is he hasn't been eating nothing but Goldfish, pretzels and other small stuff. I cook daily and know it's INSANE for me to keep being a short order cook, yet I'm not trying to have CPS called on me for not feeding him *sigh* I just don't know what to do about it anymore!#throwsintowel

Another reason my anxiety is maxed out is him again; this time about education. He's in 3rd grade and here in OH our 3rd graders have to pass a state Reading test, well he failed and I knew he would as I did remote learning 2021/2022. He has an IEP plan and I'm told it's ok to promote him but I just don't know. #Losingmymind

The last reason my anxiety is maxed out because of him is I've been a widow since 2015 when he was 17months old and I am THE only one in his life and all the above I said on top of feeling like because I am his only family has made me feel like 2019 when I had almost given him up for adoption *sad face* People ask what I do for work and I'm mom, which is great, however it does suck because when I had my first son 28 yrs ago it was so different and I had a few people in my support circle so I could get at least a part time job. Honestly though my anxiety sucks and I don't need to be working nowhere for fear I'd snap on someone. I also don't drive because of my anxiety and I feel I'm not a good mom because his friends go here, there and everywhere. I do take him on adventures thanks to our great public transportation system and what I can do being on a fixed income. I just feel again like I felt in 2019 maybe just maybe he needs this big family with aunties, uncles and all of that that can take him on big adventures. #maybehedbebetteroff

I do have a SO but I feel he's totally clueless about any of this because he has no kids. I did try to talk to him and all I got was crickets *sigh* #feellikegivinghimtheboot

I'm a mess! Thanks to anyone who reads this.

Hello. I have never been involved in any kind of group like this, regardless of medium. I am a #Csa survivor, and just would like to be able to communicate with others who are trying to heal. I know that everyone’s story is unique and complicated, so, I won’t dwell on too much detail.
I have only made my CSA public recently after over 30 years of silence, having been abused by multiple siblings. I have been diagnosed with other mental health issues and am two years post spinal surgery and still in recovery. I am also 11 years sober from a very complicated period of multiple addictions.
Thank you in advance for your time and patience. I only hope I can help others in this group. #SOBER #CPTSD #MajorDepressionDisorder #Anxiety #ChronicPain

I made the mistake of looking at Facebook today—which I never do because it depresses me. Saw lots of happy photos of my friends that I never see or talk to because, well, my #Depression . Now I’m really struggling. Downward spiral. #tears . #Loneliness . #regret . #Shame . #self -loathing. More shame. It hurts.

#MajorDepressionDisorder

I need to really admit and talk it out to someone. I dont think i can keep it to myself. I am in love with my pscychiatrist. OMG. The last visit with him, he rolled his chair nearer towards to me. Oh my, I nearly fainted. My heart pumping like mad. Like a little girl falling in love. And I wish I could hold his hand. The moment I see him, I feel that everything is fine for me. Like he is ‘always’ there for me no matter what happens. He is the one who understands me best. Oh my godness. I even dreamt that both of us are together and went on a date and we lived together. Arghh...

#MajorDepressionDisorder #AnxietyDisorders #PTSD

Living with MDD sucks!!!

#MajorDepressionDisorder #Anxiety

I’m supposed to graduate next week but because I was forced to take two semesters off I will be getting my undergrad a year later than expected. I’m really happy for all my peers graduating next week but I honestly feel left behind. I feel like everyone is progressing and I’m stagnant. I can’t work because of corona and it’s getting difficult to continue pay for school so that I may return in August. Having this on my mind and being in isolation for too long is sending me into a panic. It’s getting difficult to cope these days. #MajorDepressionDisorder #Anxiety