Do you ever feel so conflicted with your thoughts and feelings that you don't know the best way forward? Life is super stressful for many most of the time, but since Covid hit the world, for some it's affecting them more than they could possibly have imagined. I'm one of those people. The one that quietly got on with life and suppressed those unwanted feelings, not allowing them time to present themselves in my mind, but when Covid hit, life changed, I had more time to think when I would usually be keeping very busy. I feel almost trapped by these overwhelming emotions and wondering if I should stay where I am or try to take a different path. I have a beautiful son, my husband and I have been together for 10 years. There was infidelity after our son was born and I've struggled since then. When you build a life with someone you love, share a child together and a business, it's a hard pill to swallow when trust is broken and the love and safety bubble gets burst by infidelity. It hasn't happened again, but I chose to stay because he was sorry and promised it wouldn't happen again. We have been working on things, but since Covid hit and turned our lives upside down, some feelings I have had locked away are resurfacing thanks to my Anxiety and feeling a bit depressed.
I am currently on a break with my Son away from my Husband, I called him last night and brought it up with my husband last night that I may need to make some serious decisions as I am just not in a good place. He was shocked but understanding, all he wants is for me to be happy and our son to live a wonderful life. He knows how much I struggle with stress and anxiety already. I just feel it's not so simple to walk away, I also would be taking our son with me if I did leave and I don't want to hurt our son by changing the way his life is now which is loving and warm and surrounded by family with a mum and dad all under the same roof. I love my husband so much and I don't want to hurt him, I know leaving with our son would be really hard for him and of course he will always be the father of our son and a special part of our lives, but I often ask myself if love is enough if we are both not really happy or in a happy place. I've never cried so much in my life. This year has really taken its toll on me. Hopefully I can find peace and an answer within myself . I'm so blessed we share a beautiful son together. And my husband is a wonderful loving father.
Life can be so Complicated . 😟