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I recently committed infidelity and it eats me up alive. I did it only one time after missing what my boyfriend and I had. He knows about it and everything and I felt suicidal and tried texting the hotline because I wanted to jump out of my college dorm window. I cry and hurt and I love him so much. I don’t want one mistake to define me as a person. I miss being happy and I hate feeling like I don’t deserve to live. Him and I were arguing alot and I missed our “honeymoon phase.” He is also my first everything but we have came far over a year, about 17 months. With college to and my expectations of my parents I can’t make anyone happy anymore. Him and I are still together but after even the names he called me and apologized, I believe them and feel worthless. #Love #cheating #Relationships #Selfharm

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I’ve been dating a guy for 2 years and just found out he’s married! He got engaged right before we met then just got married in October. He was with me before and after his wedding!!! I’m in such shock I don’t even know what to say or how to handle a situation like this. I just feel so betrayed and I was only good enough as the second choice. I have extreme anxiety and this has put me into a very dark place. My soul is crushed. How can someone be so cruel and selfish? #Anxiety #cheating #mental abuse

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Anxiety About Being Cheated On Despite Currently Being Single

Ever since reading about this TV show where a celeb crush I like plays a character who cheats on his wife (note, said celeb crush at least so far seems a nice guy who wouldn't do that), I am terrified of it happening to me. Though I know, since I myself am a performer, that you have to play some unlikable people after a certain point, I feel so tormented by it. I think I have developed a trigger for adultery. I am afraid of falling in love or getting into a relationship, but that I won't be attractive or good enough and their eyes will wander to someone better. I find myself obsessing over it and getting upset about it, even though it's never happened to me yet, and wondering how on earth will I cope. #Anxiety #triggers #Love #heartbreak #betrayal #Relationships #celebcrushes #cheating #Adultery #Advice #help #Fear

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Me and my girlfriend broke up. I ended up finding out she has cheated on me 3 times in 2 weeks and has been cheating on me for a while with some new girl. My heart hurts. However, I have decided to focus on me and not her and not let her win. If any of you have any advice it would be greatly appriciated.#brokenheart #Girlfriend #cheating #Toxic

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Can’t make decision #Relationships #cheating #Anxiety #Grief #PTSD #CPTSD #anger

I’m so angry. I feel like I have so many unmet emotional and other needs in my current relationship. I feel unhappy. I feel tense a lot because I hate remembering all the betrayals and trying to rebuild my own self esteem in the wake. I have lost sight of me, and feel like I’m dying for validation of some kind. I’d rather be at work than at home, and just hanging on to the hope that one day things will be right. The tension sucks to the point we cannot be intimate even, and I’m starting to not even want to try. I cannot rid myself of the memories even tho I can see the efforts he’s made to change. I’m angry and defensive and scared because I’m not sure what’s the right way to go. My close friend thinks I’m scared to let him in, give a second chance, because I’m “afraid to be happy “. I don’t know what’s true and I’m exhausted from trying to figure it out. I need help teasing through the mess, but I know I’m the only one who can…


Greatest fear became reality

My heart dropped, right into the pit of my weak stomach. The blood in my body felt like it drained right out of my veins. And then, the nausea and shaking. When bad news becomes so devastating you throw up, you cannot breathe.

My birthday celebrations had been in full swing: my partner and small family, after a year of loss, homelessness and rejection from others/employers whilst dealing with bullying I just wanted a nice day. Just and hour before the clock turned 12 and I’d be another year older; My now ex partner would announce he slept with someone else, I knew something was up by his body language that evening. My intuition told me something is wrong, but I didn’t realise it would be this. Following this devastating news I find out he’d also talk to other girls on dating apps moments after we were close and intimate.

I wanted to stay ignorant, I wish I never knew so I didn’t have to deal with the pain.
This time, he isn’t coming back. He was the last person in my life that hadn’t left; my trauma prior to this has been so immense that not many people have bothered sticking around. I’ve finally found I’m now alone in this world. But the biggest realisation for me is that you can think you know someone, inside out. He would constantly reassure me that I’m the only girl for him, I’m gorgeous in every way for him. He only has eyes for me. But how wrong I was, now realising that it was a front, my rock and my love has completely betrayed me. Disrespected me, and now I’m left to pick up the pieces. I am not to say he was entirely bad, this is why it’s so hard. I was in love, to the ends of the earths with him; a month before he would make a proposal style gesture for a promise ring with a heart inside to say he will never leave and I have his heart. But unfortunately I didn’t quite have the rest of his anatomy.

I know many people will share my feelings in their own stories of infidelity and cheating. As a BPD sufferer, I’d always worry he would leave me, or find someone better than me, the thought of him leaving my life was horrific and painful.
It’s such a crushing feeling of total violation and a loss of trust. I question myself, was it me? Was I not good enough? Was she what he wanted? I wish it never happened, sometimes I wished I stayed ignorant. But that is my denial still at play. I don’t know how I can move onto trust another, when you were once so convinced they were the most loyal and faithful person you’ve met. I still feel sick, I cannot eat, I cannot sleep without crying. Heartbreak is killing my soul inside. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #cheating #Affair #abandonment #Abandoned #Depression #lonely #Fp #Grief #Loss

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Today would have been my anniversary with my ex-wife. 9 years together, 3 married.

It was a year ago last week that she told me there was someone else. Then she took it back and we tried to make it work for 7 months- the entire time she was cheating on me.

About 2 days before I came out to Utah for treatment, we called it quits for good. I couldn’t ignore the multiple forms of proof she was cheating, and we just were miserable.

I came out here in April and pretended she never existed. I ran from my problems. ​
But problems always catch up with us, don’t they? ​

A couple weeks ago, I started feeling really depressed. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t get out of bed. Then it hit me that the anniversary was coming up.​

I talked to some people today and cried. Really cried. I let myself feel the pain. It’s sucked so much, but it’s necessary for healing.

I asked my therapist to sign the papers for me to leave AMA (against medical advice). She told me I could sign them and leave, but she’d have to call the cops because she knew my level of intent to kill myself was so high. ​I told her they would’ve find me in time. She said she’d call them to pick me up right then and there. She knows how much I hate psych wards.

I told her I’m just so tired of being in so much pain without reprieve, lately. And I have no idea how much longer it’d last. Everyone keeps telling me it takes time, and it’s getting harder and harder to hold on. ​

I asked if she was frustrated with me and she said, not exactly. She said she doesn’t know how to help me.​ She said her heart hurts for me. She cried.

I told her that when therapists and other professionals had gotten to this point, had said they didn’t know how to help, that’s when they leave.​

She told me I’m projecting previous therapists’ and others’ actions onto her and it isn’t fair. ​

She says things sometimes that hurt to hear, but definitely affect me. I need to hear them. ​

#Therapy #si #SuicidalIdeation #Anniversary #Relationships #Divorce #Affair #cheating #feelings


Anxiety & Depression from a traumatic break up

I always felt like what I was going through is invalid because other people have it worse than me so I have a hard time opening up about what I'm going through. My long distance boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me last month. He was the love of my life and we planned out our entire life together already. We werent able to see each other for more than a year due to the pandemic, so when I finally got to reunite with him after missing him so much he broke up with me. At first he blamed me for it, gaslighted me, manipulated me and made me feel like I was the burden and to blame. So much lies just being said. more than a week later I found out he had an affair for 2 months already. I confronted him about it but he blocked me on every social platform and i never heard from him ever since. Before, during and after the breakup -- I was put in a period of daily stress and anxiety for 4 weeks straight that I never was used to experiencing. I'd have only an hour of sleep no matter how many sleeping pills i took, I didnt eat, couldnt function. i felt like a robot. there were so much triggers everywhere then i would have anxiety attacks. feeling of betrayal, disbelief and not worthy all at once. almost 2 months since the break up and I still am trying to pull myself out of this dark place, fighting the anxiety and depression really is a struggle especially during the pandemic. The mind is indeed so so powerful and the daily struggle and battle with myself to counter my thoughts, my triggers, the trauma, the anxiety and depression really is mentally exhausting. Anyone out there whos been through this and has made it out whole?

#Trauma #Anxiety #Depression #breakup #heartbreak #Gaslighting #manipulating #cheating #MentalHealth


Wtf am I doing #Anxiety #Bipolar #cheating ?

I’m loosing my shit that’s what’s on my mind unsure if I have been manipulated to the point of utter and complete confusion or life is happening and I’m freezing because this is what I do when trauma happens
I’m unsure of everything at this point anyone ever get to a point where there like is this mental illness or real life I see no line in the sand ..


I think he's cheating.... Not been intimate for 5yrs , asked him about it and he shrugs it off