motherhood

I’ve never been the type of person who fears #Relationships without strings.
Casual connections don’t scare me. Emotional intimacy without romantic commitment doesn’t scare me. What does unsettle me is when someone isn’t honest about what they want (with me or with themselves.)

Recently, I got involved with someone I genuinely liked. We’ll call him Cole. And from the beginning, I tried to be upfront about who I was: an atheist, someone who doesn’t want biological children, someone who values honesty even more than commitment. He assured me none of that bothered him. He said it three separate times, actually.

But beneath those reassurances sat unspoken truths (truths he didn’t share until everything was already unraveling.)

One evening, out of nowhere, he told me he had been intentionally avoiding messaging me. Not because he was busy, not because he needed space, but because he was bothered by the very things he claimed didn’t matter. Suddenly my lack of #Religion (which wasn’t a problem before) became the center of his discomfort. My disinterest in #Motherhood miraculously turned into something he had secretly struggled with the entire time.

It was jarring. Not because he felt differently, but because he never said it.
Because he let me believe something that wasn’t real.

Then came the line that told me everything I needed to know: “If I wasn’t interested in you, I would’ve just ghosted you.”

I remember feeling a weird sense of disorientation, like he was offering that as some kind of comfort. As if the bare minimum (not disappearing) was meant to reassure me.

Of course, ironically, he soon began ghosting anyway.

When he finally resurfaced, it was with:
“I just need a break. I’m not ready for a relationship.”

It’s a familiar excuse. It’s gentle enough to soften guilt, vague enough to avoid accountability. But by then, the damage wasn’t the lack of commitment; it was the lack of transparency.

I’ve had casual relationships that were healthier and more emotionally stable than this one, because they were built on honesty. I’ve been in non-romantic intimate relationships that thrived simply because all parties were clear about expectations. But this? This was a slow erosion of trust disguised as politeness, wrapped in half-truths, and delivered only when silence became too heavy to maintain.

What made it more complicated was that faith suddenly entered the conversation. This was not something he lived consistently, but as something he used to justify withdrawing. He spoke about Christian values while simultaneously doing things his own faith would call dishonest, selfish, or irresponsible. As an atheist, I don’t judge people for their beliefs, but I do notice when someone’s actions don’t match the moral framework they claim to follow.

In the end, I wasn’t angry that he wasn’t ready. I wasn’t angry that our values didn’t align. What hurt was that he didn’t trust me enough to be straightforward.

Relationships (romantic, casual, or undefined) all rely on the same foundation: transparency. We deserve the truth, even if it’s uncomfortable. Especially if it’s uncomfortable. Being upfront doesn’t guarantee a relationship will last, but avoiding honesty guarantees it won’t be healthy.

What I learned from this experience is simple: I don’t need commitment from someone. But I do need clarity.
I don’t need someone to share my beliefs. But I do need their actions to match their words. And I don’t need perfection. I just need someone who respects me enough to tell the truth.

#Avoidance might feel easier in the moment, but it always ends in more hurt than honesty ever would. And while I walked away disappointed, I also walked away with something valuable: a renewed commitment to holding my boundaries, communicating openly, and refusing to make myself small for someone who isn’t ready to meet me with the same level of transparency.

If anything, this experience reaffirmed what I’ve known all along: Transparency isn’t just important: it’s the quiet backbone of every healthy connection.

Being a mom is already a full-time, no-days-off, ride-or-die commitment. But being a mom with bipolar disorder—who’s clawed her way out of addiction and still wrestles with manic episodes? That’s another level. That’s a battlefield most people never see. And if I’m being honest, most people don’t want to.

There are so many misconceptions floating around—about addiction, mental illness, and motherhood. People want to box me in: either I’m an “inspiration” or a “hot mess.” Nobody talks about what it really feels like to live in this body, raise kids with this brain, carry this past, and still get up every damn day and show the hell up.

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This Isn’t a Diagnosis. This Is My Life.

Let me be clear: bipolar disorder is not just mood swings or a bad day. It’s not “Oh, she’s just being dramatic.” Nah. It’s racing thoughts that won’t shut up. It’s impulsivity that makes your heart race. It’s full-blown mania that convinces you that you don’t need sleep, food, or anyone’s advice—including your own damn intuition.

And when you’re a mom in the middle of that storm? You don’t get to opt out. You still pack lunches. You still read bedtime stories with a voice that shakes. You still smile while your brain’s on fire.

Now layer that with addiction. Years of it. The kind that costs everything—relationships, dignity, custody, self-worth. I didn’t start using to be reckless. I used because I was trying to survive a life that already felt impossible. I was trying to quiet what I didn’t have the language to explain.

But I got clean. Not once. Not easily. But for real. And I’ve stayed clean. Through temptation. Through trauma. Through the kind of stress that makes relapse feel like a warm, familiar hug. Still, I don’t pick up. Not because I’m superhuman, but because I’ve got kids who look at me like I’m their whole damn world—and I refuse to disappear on them.

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What People Don’t See (But Should)

There are moments of joy in this chaos—real, steady joy. When my daughter climbs into my lap, safe. When my son belly laughs in the other room. When I realize I’m building a life I used to dream of, sober.

But those aren’t the only moments. There are also moments of complete exhaustion. Of overwhelm. Of shame. Of silence so loud it roars.

I wish people understood that living with bipolar disorder while parenting through trauma and addiction recovery isn’t a story of failure or strength—it’s both. It’s not a clean-cut success story. It’s a jagged, bloodstained, still-writing-the-ending kind of truth.

You don’t get to call me “strong” unless you understand what that strength cost. Unless you’ve seen me cry behind a closed bathroom door just to make it through the day.

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What I’ve Learned the Hard Way

✦ Self-care isn’t a luxury. It’s how I stay alive.

Not the cute, influencer kind of self-care either. I’m talking real-deal survival: sleep, therapy, boundaries, saying no even when it pisses people off, canceling plans when I feel like I might unravel.

✦ Vulnerability is my superpower.

I used to pretend I was okay, even when I was falling apart. Now? I’m done with that. I speak my truth—even the messy parts. Especially the messy parts. Because pretending doesn’t help anyone. Honesty connects us. It reminds people they’re not the only ones drowning.

✦ Healing isn’t linear.

There are days I win. Days I just make it through. And days I barely survive. All of those are valid. All of those count. Progress is messy. So is motherhood. So is recovery.

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To Anyone Walking a Similar Road:

Be kind to yourself. Stop comparing your pain to someone else’s highlight reel. Stop pretending you’re fine when you’re not.

You don’t have to be “strong” every day. You just have to keep going.

There will be backslides. There will be dark days. But there will also be light—real, warm light that breaks through when you least expect it. And when that light shows up? You’ll realize you are the one who created it.

You are not alone. You are not broken. You are becoming.

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The Realest Truth I Know

Being a bipolar mom in recovery isn’t some motivational tagline. It’s a complicated, exhausting, beautiful, infuriating, joyful, terrifying journey. But it’s mine. And I’ve earned every scar.

So next time someone says, “Wow, I don’t know how you do it…”
I’ll smile, and think:
“Neither do I. But I do. And that’s enough.”

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Want to support someone like me?
Educate yourself. Ask real questions. Show up. Offer help without judgment. Don’t assume the worst—or the best. Just be there. And if you’ve lived this life too? I see you. You are not invisible. You are not alone.

We’re still here. Still fighting. Still mothering. And that? That’s power.

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🖤 Kavi

So I had my daughter September of 2023. It’s been a wild ride. I met her father a week before she started growing in me, didn’t find out until a couple months later. Some people would call my “love story” a fairy tale. He found me when I wasn’t looking and I was in the first year of my bestfriends death so I was going through it. He was going through his own heart ache being a veteran with ptsd %100 disabled.
Not a likely duo yk? But on day three he told me he loved me and has been proving it ever since. We got married in March of this year🤍
What makes it work for us cause lemme tell you it’s not easy 🫛sy 😂 is that we are completely transparent with each other. He Chose to give me all his passwords and info that same day he confessed his love and got rid of any old relics of past relationships. I never asked for this bc I didn’t even know it could be this way. I of course reciprocated and he knows all my stuff too. There are absolutely no secrets between us. It really really takes the anxiety and stress of everything off lol. It’s scary putting yourself out there but for the right person it’s beautiful and acknowledged.
I never knew how important it was to choose a partner you consider your bestfriend until I became a mother and I was extremely lucky things happened the way they did.

I use to be that girl who overlooked anything and everything cause I didn’t want to be alone. Tho that’s not what I confessed to me I “wasn’t giving up on love” but I wasn’t even loving myself. I had many toxic and abusive relationships due to this lack of boundaries and self respect.

And he showed me I was worth it.
He showed me how important loving ones self is and valuing ones worth.

Raising a child is No Joke. And having the right partner makes all the difference. I’m blessed to be able to be a stay at home mom. I’m blessed my partner stepped up to be a father. He took care of me while supporting us and allowed me to find myself again. He cooked, cleaned and gave me breaks from babysitting. That’s what someone who loves you is supposed to do. Our relationship was on the back burner but that didn’t stop us from loving on each other and loving our daughter. She was our focus and honestly brought us closer together. This time with her is fleeting and we have forever to be together.

Now we’re about 10ms in and baby girl is growing so fast, she is starting to be independent all on her own 🥹 and we are getting more time to hangout and talk like we used to. And I realized how much I miss him.
It’s okay to miss your partner. Having a kid is hard but you just do things Your own way and do what works for you. Please do not let people tell you what’s right and wrong or how to raise your baby. What matters is your own happiness and if they’re not contributing to that they can Get tf out.
Motherhood has definitely caused me to be firm in my boundaries bc my daughter is my priority and so is my sanity.
I’m not here to allow the worlds negatively to effect my life.
I am in control.

It’s not always sunshine and rainbows
We fight like any other couple. But I do appreciate how we always make it a point to repair and make up.

I do not miss those sleepless nights, the wacky schedule, the finding time to eat and shower, the lack of personal space and many other things I’m sure but I’m glad I had him by my side.

I hope all you mama’s know you’re not alone even if things are rough. And that you are worthy and it really does get better.
Take a breath, take a break whatever you need. They grow so fast and before we know it we won’t know what to do with ourlselves. 🫶🏼

As you embark on this incredible journey of transitioning into #Motherhood #Motherhood and becoming a parent, it's important to remember that having a strong and supportive partner can make all the difference. The number one #hack for being a parent and alleviating the challenges of #postpartum is choosing a good partner to begin with.

While this realization may come after having kids for many of us, it's crucial to seek out character traits that indicate a person's ability to be a true teammate in parenting. In this article, we'll explore the importance of finding the right partner and how it can positively impact your parenting experience.

The Power of Partnership

Parenting is a lifelong commitment, spanning over 18 years of your life. It's crucial to consider the long-term implications of choosing a partner who will be an integral part of making your daily life more manageable.

From the beginning, we should prioritize the desire for a true partnership and a teammate who will support us not only during #Pregnancy but also throughout the period and beyond.

Identifying the Right Traits

Finding a partner with the right traits is essential for a successful parenting journey. Consider the following qualities when choosing a partner:

Communication and Empathy:

A partner who excels in communication and empathy will create a nurturing environment for your growing family. They will be there to listen, understand, and provide emotional support when you need it most.

Shared Values and Goals:

Finding a partner who shares your core values and parenting goals will ensure a harmonious upbringing for your children. Aligning on important issues such as discipline, education, and family values is key to creating a cohesive parenting strategy.

The Crucial Role of a Supportive Partner in the #postpartum Period

The #postpartum period, particularly the first six months, can be an intense and challenging time for new mothers. #hormonal fluctuations, sleep deprivation, physical recovery, and adjusting to the demands of caring for a newborn can feel overwhelming. Having a supportive partner during this time can make the transition into #Motherhood that much easier.

A supportive partner understands that is a period of adjustment and exhibits patience and empathy. They validate your feelings and thoughts related to the changes of becoming a mother, offering reassurance and understanding when you need it most.

They actively participate in caring for the baby, easing the burden on you as a new mother. From diaper changes to late-night feedings, a supportive partner is willing to help as much as possible with the baby, allowing you to get much-needed rest and self-care.

Additionally, a supportive partner recognizes the importance of taking care of you as a mother. They understand that when you are well-rested, emotionally supported, and nurtured, you can better care for your baby. They encourage you to prioritize self-care and provide the necessary support to make it happen.

Modeling Healthy #Relationships

As parents, we play a vital role in shaping our children's understanding of relationships. By modeling a healthy and respectful partnership, we can teach them the qualities to seek in a future partner.

Even if your current partner doesn't possess all the desired traits, it's essential to have open conversations with your children about what's important in a partner. This will empower them to make informed decisions in their own lives.

Nurturing Your #relationship

Maintaining a strong and fulfilling partnership requires investing time and effort into nurturing your relationship.

Carve out quality time together and prioritize self-care as individuals to strengthen your bond as parents. Recognize that #Parenthood is a shared responsibility.

Encourage open communication about parental duties, delegate tasks, and provide support to each other to ensure a balanced and harmonious parenting experience.

Building a Strong #Parenting Team

A strong parenting team relies on open and effective communication. Your partner should be someone with whom you can discuss parenting challenges, share responsibilities, and find solutions together. This collaborative approach fosters a sense of unity and strengthens your bond as parents.

Recognize the importance of balancing parenting responsibilities. A supportive partner actively contributes to household chores, childcare tasks, and daily routines, ensuring that the load is shared equitably. This balance allows both parents to feel supported and appreciated.

During the journey of motherhood, emotional support from your partner is invaluable. They offer a listening ear, a comforting presence, and words of encouragement. Their unwavering support helps you navigate the ups and downs of motherhood with confidence and resilience.

As you embark on your journey into parenthood, remember that choosing the right partner is the ultimate parenting hack. By seeking a partner who embodies the traits of a supportive teammate, you can create a nurturing environment for your child's growth and development.

Remember, it's never too late to model the kind of parent you want your children to have and to have open discussions about what's important in a partner. With the right partner by your side, your parenting experience will be enriched, and you'll be better equipped to navigate the joys and challenges of raising a child.

Parenthood is a beautiful adventure, and with a loving and supportive partner, you'll have an even greater chance to create lasting memories and forge a strong foundation for your family. Embrace this incredible opportunity and enjoy the journey together!

I’ve been recently diagnosed with BPD and I have a 16 month old boy. What has been most helpful for you? What has been the most challenging? If you have a partner, what do they do to best support you? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Motherhood