MyAutismIsNotADisorder

I’ll move out of this country entirely and never come back… I hate the US with a passion more than ever now. Extremely disappointed, as an American myself. I’ve lost all faith for this country. I honestly wish I wasn’t American.

#sad #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AutismSpectrum #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #OSTD #Furious #LGBTQIA #ScrewTrump

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Triggers are real, and they are serious. Being “triggered” actually means that you’re having a very high level of stress, which can cause negative experiences like flashbacks, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, etc.

As someone who has many triggers, I’m so fucking sick and tired of running into YouTubers and many other individuals doing the “triggered” meme, it’s not funny, it shouldn’t even be a damn meme, it’s annoying and very misleading!! /vsrs /neg

If you can spread the word about this, that would be great, because I am so done with this BS.

#Vent #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #trigger #triggers #misrepresentation #AutismSpectrum

Why does the US government have to be so… ugh. My anxiety is a disability, and they don’t see it. Will I ever get my disability benefits? Should I just give up? This is the 3rd time, and I’m so freaking sick of having to explain to them that I’m non-binary for the 50th time. I poured all of my heart out about why I can’t work (reasons in the last post), and yet the judge has made the decision that it wasn’t enough and decided to take away the disability payments I was having for 3 months. My struggles aren’t enough. Would filing for another appeal for the 4th time be a waste of time at this point? Should I just give up? I’m so mad…

#hopeless #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #MYANXIETYISADISABILITY #ICantWork #unfair #sad #mad #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #FeelingUnseen

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Honestly, what the FUCK! I CAN’T FUCKING WORK! What is it that they can’t seem to understand?! My anxiety is a disability, damn it!!!

It’s been 3 FUCKING TIMES ALREADY, 2 FUCKING APPEALS, and I POORED ALL OF MY FUCKING HEART OUT ABOUT WHY I CANNOT FUCKING WORK, THE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA, THE EPISODES OF DEPRESSION, THE FUCKING HYGIENE ISSUES, MY SEVERE SOCIAL GENDER DYSPHORIA AS A NON-BINARY INDIVIDUAL AND AVOIDING MOST SOCIAL SITUATIONS OUT OF THE PURE FEAR OF BEING MISGENDERED, HATE BEING UNDER PRESSURE, HAVING MANY TRIGGERS! I was receiving payment for 3 fucking months, and NOW they’ve decided that my FUCKING STRUGGLES AREN’T ENOUGH?!?!

Honestly fuck everything. I feel like I’ll just never be truly seen by this US government. I’ve only just wasted my fucking time with them, and so really don’t feel like HAVING TO EXPLAIN TO THEM FOR THE 50TH TIME THAT I’M NOT MY BIRTH GENDER AND I AM NOT A BINARY GENDER!

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #MYANXIETYISADISABILITY #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #FeelingIgnored #thissucks #Trauma #angry #disappointment #LGBTQ #Loneliness #sad #Vent #venting

I hope this doesn’t come off as rude or anything writing this, I’m very sorry if this does, I’ll delete it if it does. I posted feedback to the app support about changing the tag/group from Autism Spectrum Disorder to just Autism as there are plenty of autistic individuals, including I, who feel uncomfortable with “disorder” or even worse “disability”. I don’t even use the popular Autism tag because of this. It’s been a week and no response, and I can’t help but get very anxious and worry that I’ll never get a response… I know it’s likely because they’re just busy, but my anxiety won’t shut up about this…

Edit: …You know what, I’m probably going to delete this post eventually, this feels so silly (in a bad way).

#Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #anxious

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I feel like I just want to give up, honestly. My anxiety won’t leave me alone. I had a meltdown yesterday morning and felt like crap about society all day. I need those meds again. I have an appointment today with that luckily, I need them as soon as possible. Otherwise, I don’t know if I can take this anymore. I’m so sick of this damn world. Things have never gotten better ever since AI and AI “art” or crypto was a trend. At the same time, what if I feel the same thing even with those meds? Is there a point in anything anymore?

Magnesium doesn’t work at all for sleep as I kept having stress dreams from my trauma almost every damn day. I’m so sick of this.

I’m so sick of dealing with this shit. I’m so sick of feeling like I’m not welcome here in this damn world. Sometimes I wonder if I’m better off dead.

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #neurodivergent #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #OSTD #OtherSpecifiedTraumaDisorder #tired #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Trauma #Milddepression

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Either I want to be a kid/baby again or I want to be dead. That is the mood I’m feeling right now. I feel like I’m losing everything nostalgic to me and I just want to get away from this stressful life… I’m so sick of dealing with this fucking life.

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Grief #sad #OSTD #Trauma

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I’m still alive. I mentioned how I was considering suicide without a plan to my therapist and she called the crisis team and ended up staying at a hospital for 3-4 days (which I really didn’t like). No one, including my therapist, saw coming about having to stay as the crisis team told me that if I didn’t like it there, I could leave.

That was a lie by the crisis team, intentionally or not intentionally so. However, my Dad explained to me why they say that anyway - they don’t know the individuals they are helping and want to help them incase they don’t go, they might end up hurting themselves more instead of getting the help that they need. Even my dad agreed that it helps most individuals, and that’s awesome, but there’s always that small percentage that will not work for them, and that includes me.

I, including my dad, all of my partners, and very likely my therapist as well, was so pissed that I had to stay there since Tuesday, and I left yesterday afternoon. All I got out of staying there was more anxiety, being more triggered, and medication (which I do hope does something, at least). I’m so glad that I moved up to another unit the day before I was discharged because I kept getting triggered by other patients’ outbursts that were happening everyday.

I was already done with suicidal thoughts a few hours after I got there the first day. I even scratched myself the second day (not in a suicidal way) because of how pissed off I was for not getting to leave that day me and my Dad wanted to (not in front of anyone or any camera, luckily, because I would hate to have to stay there even longer). I was grieving the life I had and felt like everything’s been stripped away from me. I wanted to see my dad again. I wanted my clothes back. I wanted my phone back. I wanted my polyamorous wedding ring back.

My dad knows everything that goes on with me. He knows what specific treatment I should be getting when it comes to therapy, and I always like talking to him about whatever is going on with me. He is very caring and understanding.

That hospital had good intentions, though. I understand that they couldn’t really do much about it because of laws (besides the doctor I had there making me leave early instead of 5-7 days, thank goodness for that), so I don’t blame them. But never again. I’m so happy I’m back home, and I’m so happy to see my dad again!! 🫂

#MentalHealth #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #SuicidalIdeation #Selfharm #Hospital #feelingbetter

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My laptop won’t turn on anymore. Everything starts up okay except that the screen is black. I REALLY hope that it’s just the battery…
JUST FUCKING WHY?! It was working JUST FUCKING FINE yesterday!!! I JUST HAD A GREAT DAY YESTERDAY, WHY DOES LIFE WANT TO HATE ON ME SO FUCKING MUCH?! GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!

I FEEL LIKE LIFE JUST WANTS ME FUCKING DEAD. I don’t know how FUCKING LONG I can take this pain. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t fucking know!

JUST LET ME HAVE A FUCKING GOOD DAY WITHOUT IT BEING HORRIBLE THE NEXT DAY, GOD DAMN IT! If that can’t happen, I should’ve ended my life sooner. I hate this fucking life. I hate everything (/not literally). Fuck everything!!

Maybe I should just fucking end my life already. I HAD IT!!

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #SuicidalIdeation #Grief #SuicidalThoughts #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #emotionaltrauma #Suicide

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Sometimes, I feel like I’m always in the same damn fate. How long can I tell myself that things will be okay? I don’t do it very often at all because of how much I don’t think it’ll be okay, but in this situation I’m in right now from the last post… how do I even believe that anymore?

Sometimes recently I have wondered if killing myself would be better for me so that I don’t have to deal with overstimulation, emotional trauma flashbacks, anxiety, or dysphoria any longer. I’m so sick of it, and I’m so done with it. Now, I’m wondering that again, but I’m not planning to. Just a thought.

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Selfharm #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Trauma