beyou

I'm not even sure if that makes sense, I'm not really sure of anything right now!today I was told that my urgent referral to get the swollen lump lymph node in my neck may take upto 6 weeks !ive had it since Sept last uear and was palmed off numeroustimes till last week my specialistsaid she was very concerned(and that is being classed as urgent)Due to my previous cancer and treatment before Covid hit and now to the way this is being handled and considering I had Covid and was hospitalised for nearly 6 weeks and since have been suffering Long covid issues I know how serious it is.But I felt so angry that I'm already dealing with all my usual issues,then this catheter in,still retaining, slipped disc so on crutches to get about and everyday and night I am worried sick about if this lump is serious !and now thinking I may have to feel like this for however many weeks/months and then even if it is serious the care at the moment chemo/treatments most people are having to wait months to get anything started due to the way it's all been since covid.I am angry at my body for failing me in the first place ,for getting to this ,I'm angry at having to feel like I'm begging someone to help or listen ,I feel like I've prepared for the worst now anyways and what hope is there to have !I know hospitals and staff have and do do their best and I'm not saying anything against that I'm just frustrated that myself and millions of others and people way worse off than me are suffering even more even when it's serious or terminal. I'm scared ,I'm angry ,I'm frustrated and then I just feel numb because right now I'm here and I'm a Mummy I have to just be as ok as I can which is difficult enough at the minute ........

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Well after a crazy ,hectic ,non stop 6 weeks of very long days ,all the decorating ,all the packing and moving things tonight I emptied the last of the boxes .This house now is starting to feel like our home :) .
Organising everything and even just hanging shelves or photos and adding all our little things has made me so excited .It's been a lot of tears and it's not completely done but I'm actually so proud of myself and what I've managed to do myself in 6 weeks considering the mess it was in when I got it.ive done things I never thought I'd be able to , and it feels so amazing now seeing it all come together ,seeing how Happy the kids are and how much them and our little Coco are settling into it.Really does make all the stress and hard work worth it to see them all so happy :) due to my health and pain being so bad too just decorating things,making things or organising stuff has really been helping with my anxiety aswell and I'm actually enjoying it.ive had so many and fay's lately but tonight unpacking that last box felt like such a relief and such an achievement of the fact I've done it all myself while being in pain and struggling and also making sure kids are settling in .
Going to bed feeling very satisfied and blessed tonight which is a really nice feeling compared to way I have been feeling alot lately.

#MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #narcissist #AloneTogether #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #Parenting #GeneralParenting #longcovid #CheckInWithMe #Bekind #Blessed #grateful

I'm feeling so content right now , and very positive ☺. To be ending this year decorating our new home and getting it all sorted for us to move in and get settled just feels amazing ♥️Afte rather past 6 months which had been hell & at times I thought things were never going to get better to now be able to get the keys to our very own forever home ,decorate it and get it all sorted for us to move into in a few weeks 😀 getting our little Coco and helping her get better, for the first time in a very long time I am feeling excited and happy .I'm actually enjoying all the decorating even though its alot of hard work myself but it's an amazing feeling seeing it all come together and being able to be excited and look forward now 😊 hopefully this will be the start of an amazing year and things will continue to go good ( even though I'm still really struggling health wise ,but I'm actually dealing with it all alot better now even on the bad days )

Hope you all had a lovely Christmas and a Happy New Year to all you Mighties 😊 😘 ❤

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Well this week has eventually just gotten too much for me ,was meant to get the keys to our new house this week and 3 times half hour before due to collect its been cancelled, the house is needing fully painted and is a bit of a riot , I had been planning to start it all right away .Because we're moving to it from temporary accommodation I have to get everything for the house ,all furniture, flooring,paint,everything plus for myself and kids that we need as nothing is provided by the house no white goods,flooring nothing .
I had arranged to get things that were being given away from free by a van and have now lost all them due to them cancelling me getting the keys today ,I ahd bene promising the kids they would se etheir new home each day as I was expecting tk get the keys and to get them excited for it too to only have to be told no again and feel like I'm disappointing them Iver and over again.Its now 3 days to Christmas she's said I will get them today but I am not holding my breath.I had been so excited and looking forward to getting it started and now I just feel completely deflated.The fact of everything that we've bene through past 6 months ,having to be in temporary accommodation and the kids constantly asking how long we're here,feeling frustrated because it's not our home and can't be settled to then for the past 7 weeks be told we're actually getting our own house and going to bed every night this week thinking that tomorrow will be the day we get the keys and can finally have a fresh start to then keep being let down has just gotten too much and ruined all the excitement I had with it .I am praying I get them later today (it's 1am here)
But I have lost all hope that I will which then means it will be another 2 weeks before I would due to the holidays and everything being closed .

#MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #narcissist #AloneTogether #Endometriosis #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #COVID19 #longcovid #Parenting #GeneralParenting

Having a little chilled day with Coco after her bath ♥️so glad she seems to be picking up q bit and feeling more comfortable, has anyone taken in rescue dogs or dogs that were badly treated just looking for any advice or positive stories ♥️

#MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Insomnia #Upallnight #SkinCancer #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #loveyourself #Bekind #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #PTSD #dog #DogTraining #puppy

The feeling of being so fed up and everything going on right now is just really overwhelming
#MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Insomnia #Upallnight #SkinCancer #Endometriosis #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #longcovid #GeneralParenting

So after a good few days with new excruciating pain in my side and back I went to hospital lastnight ,I have a severe kidney infection ,and dehydration after getting fluids etc I managed to talk them in to allowing me hone to rest as its the little ones birthday tomorrow, I have enough going on and I'm back I next week for few more skin cancer biopsies. So have even given antibiotics, hydration sachets , and more painkillers.if it doesn't improve in 48 hours I have to go back in .So I am on strict bed rest and to be honest I can barely move I'm doubled over In pain so couldn't do anything even if I wanted to.

Feel so fed up ad it's just constant health issues ,my body is already weak and not strong enough to fight this infection which is why its worse.

Just feel very overwhelmed with the things I already struggle with and now this.

I am physically and mentally drained .

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Really feeling it tonight , past week or so been dealing with a kidney infection which is absolutely draining me with the pain in my back and side even walking I'm struggling, really bad flu symptoms and all on top of my usual crappy most day symptoms I deal with !I just feel like past 6 weeks have been so hectic and now that it's slowed down and settled my body is just drained.i feel really really down and struggling because I'm just so fed up of the constant pain ,sickness, depression,anxiety attacks,insomnia mostly every night and nightmares or flashbacks when i do manage to fall asleep.im trying so hard to make this house a home for the kids and make it a positive space ,and make new memories, trying to keep ontop of daily house stuff,or making things in the house to keep me focused but I'm just struggling! Just feeling far too overwhelmed with it all right now....hopefully tomorrow is a better day 😊
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Not really slept the past few nights with little ones having nightmares, and then myself having sleep paralysis or the most vivid dreams when I have fell asleep .Having a sleepover party for my daughter and her friends tonight it's 2.30 am and they're coming at 1pm and I have so much to get done today before they come .I've been in bed since about 10pm and yet still can't manage to fall asleep.
I took my tablets and thought they'd help tonight to get me some rest and a few hours with less pain and hopefully manage to get a sleep as today and tonight is going to be so busy and constant and after everything especially just last month I wanted to make it extra special for Harpers Birthday and have a great day and night and not end up crabbit or moody because I'm overtired and sore.I am wide awake,in pain ,anxiety really bad and thinking about stuff that I really have no need to be stressing over.(can't do anything about any of the things)

I even built up new bunkbeds I'd got for their room as they're sharing now because we're in the temporary accommodation and it gives them more space in their room,so I thought I would definitely get a sleep after that .....

I just wish my head would just stop or atleast slow down enough to get some rest ........

Going to be up probably all night then need to sort the party and everything for later then have the girls all staying for sleepover .definitely going to have to stock up on energy cans for today !!!!

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Just when I thought things couldn't get worse ! After over a year of issues with the neighbour and constant trouble (not involving me in specific )but obviously it does as its been constant and trouble and police incidents, her car was blown up and set on fire other night and we had to be evacuated out the house in the middle of the night.kids are absolutely terrified as am I. Doc has prescribed me stronger tablets to help with sleeping and able to relax due to how bad I am right now.We can't live at our home anymore now due to it and the kids go back to school in 2 days.Weve been put in a b&b (which is horrendous)justnow and no where near our home, I currently have a small sofa in the room infront of the door so I can feel safe with the kids due to the type of place this is.But I am grateful to have somewhere.this is until can get a temporary accommodation.I thought my depression qnd anxiety was bad before this but this is on a whole new level,attacks,nightmares, flashbacks,constantly anxious .I feel like I'm such a failure for the fact my kids are having to go through this.i just feel absolutely numb now and don't think I can take anything else.

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