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Welp, this month’s been shit so far in terms of mood. I hope I don’t feel like wanting to fucking die again.
#Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AutismSpectrum #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #OSTD #OtherSpecifiedTraumaDisorder #SuicidalThoughts
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You ever just wanna throw your hands in the air and say “fuck it all”? Well that’s exactly what I’m feeling right now. I feel like everything fucking sucks rn. America’s insane for having Trump TWICE (we could’ve have our second chance for a woman president BUT NOOOO, a Neo-Nazi got president again instead!), I’m so sick of everything being “AI”’d purely because of harmful shit like AI art for existing and not caring whether something labeled AI or not, CRYPTOCURRENCY LIKE BITCOIN IS HARMING THE FUCKING ENVIRONMENT, NFTS STEALS ART WITHOUT ARTISTS’ PERMISSIONS… I can go on. To the point where it’s becoming FUCKING UNAVOIDABLE like in Apple’s AppStore and of course there is ABSOLUTELY no way to turn these suggestions off, LIKE NO, STOP SUGGESTING ME AI ART GENERATORS AND CRYPTO!!!
I don’t fucking trust or like Microsoft or Google anymore because of the shit they’ve done (including AI art generators).
Still can’t even get a FUCKING DISABILITY PAYMENT after all of these FUCKING YEARS let alone get a lawyer because WE AREN’T RICH LIKE THAT, ESPECIALLY BEING SOMEONE OF COLOR! Even then, I’m sick of having my autism being the reason, because it is NOT a disability/disorder, my anxiety and trauma disorder are the real disorders!! Next time, it will NOT be autism as A reason, but honestly I just want to say fuck this process in general because I’m so sick of it and possibly being misgendered all over again (I’m non-binary).
Many things I used to like/go to I cannot anymore because of the fucking inflation and higher/change of free plans (which I do understand that plenty of it is thanks to 2020 event and virus that shall not be named).
Things could’ve been better this decade, but NO. THINGS HAVE NOT BEEN FUCKING BETTER!!!
(Don’t call me human, I identify as something else non-pessimisticly and spiritually. Words relating to the 2020 event trigger me, like highly upset me and will bring up bad feelings. Thanks for understanding.)
#VentPost #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AutismSpectrum #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #angry #fedup #unfair #triggerwarning #venting #OSTD #OtherSpecifiedTraumaDisorder #DoneWithEverything
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I wish the DSM haven’t changed the Autism label to include “disorder”. My autism is NOT A FUCKING DISORDER!! Although I do get those who do believe that their experience is disordered, and that is valid and fine! I just mean generally when ASD is used to describe the whole community… I hate it. With a passion.
Autism is a spectrum. “Low functioning” and “high-functioning” are harmful terms for the community (unless there is any way to reclaim these labels and genuinely make sense, maybe not using “functioning” because what?)
We are not born with “defects” or “impaired” (unless an autistic individual genuinely view their autism this way in a non-ableist way) and the DSM symptoms was written to (maybe unintentionally) put blame on us for being different and having different social communications.
There is no such fucking thing as a “look” to having autism.
It’s not just men that can have autism. Woman/womxn and those outside of the binary spectrum (e.g. non-binary) can, too.
The puzzle design has been ruined because of a shit ableist company called Autism Speaks, and it grosses me out every fucking time I see it now.
I lost one of my ex-favorite singers 4 years ago because she turned ableist towards the autistic community.
I’m extremely sensitive to ableism when it comes to autism… because I feel like not many allistics (non-autistics) really get us… I’m scared to fucking go out again. I feel like I can mostly trust autistic individuals to talk to without being judged or thought of a ridiculous misconception. I’m scared to interact with most neurotypicals again because I fear of what they actually think of me or what common misconception they think of autists. I’m so sick of this….. I almost wish that I wasn’t autistic so that I no longer have to deal with knowing the existence of these fucking stereotypes and misconceptions and stigma that I involuntarily have to possibly face! This sucks!!! Why is it so scary being a part of such a small yet pretty misunderstood group?!! I don’t want to hide who I am, but I don’t want folks/folx to start thinking of stereotypes if I do wear an autism pin again!
(please don’t call me human, I non-pessimistically and spiritually think otherwise mentally, I get species dysphoria being called human and will just make things worse so please respect this, thank you!)
#Anxiety #AutismSpectrum #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #Stigma #sad #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #OSTD #OtherSpecifiedTraumaDisorder #Vent #triggerwarning #LGBTQIA
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I’ll move out of this country entirely and never come back… I hate the US with a passion more than ever now. Extremely disappointed, as an American myself. I’ve lost all faith for this country. I honestly wish I wasn’t American.
#sad #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AutismSpectrum #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #OSTD #Furious #LGBTQIA #ScrewTrump
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I feel like I just want to give up, honestly. My anxiety won’t leave me alone. I had a meltdown yesterday morning and felt like crap about society all day. I need those meds again. I have an appointment today with that luckily, I need them as soon as possible. Otherwise, I don’t know if I can take this anymore. I’m so sick of this damn world. Things have never gotten better ever since AI and AI “art” or crypto was a trend. At the same time, what if I feel the same thing even with those meds? Is there a point in anything anymore?
Magnesium doesn’t work at all for sleep as I kept having stress dreams from my trauma almost every damn day. I’m so sick of this.
I’m so sick of dealing with this shit. I’m so sick of feeling like I’m not welcome here in this damn world. Sometimes I wonder if I’m better off dead.
#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #neurodivergent #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #OSTD #OtherSpecifiedTraumaDisorder #tired #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Trauma #Milddepression
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Either I want to be a kid/baby again or I want to be dead. That is the mood I’m feeling right now. I feel like I’m losing everything nostalgic to me and I just want to get away from this stressful life… I’m so sick of dealing with this fucking life.
#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Grief #sad #OSTD #Trauma
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So I’ve finally moved in with my dad to get away from the traumatic experiences from living with my mom, and my sister and my sister’s kids who have moved out already.
One of the reasons I wanted to move out is to get away from the noise my nephews (especially the youngest one) were making which drove me crazy and get very overstimulated often… but here, we live on the first floor and for a while we’ve noticed that our walls suck. And guess what, a kid’s up there, too. Our neighbors upstairs noise is super noticeable, we can hear their footsteps good enough, even in the mornings. It doesn’t matter where we are in the apartment, we can still hear everything pretty well. And it’s annoying, especially when I’m still trying to sleep or even when going to sleep at times. And in the mornings, they’re one of the causes for negative thoughts, whether that’s in general or about my past, and I’m already ticked off for the morning.
I know that this is only temporary and are planning to move into a house next year, but this sucks. We never asked for this. I can’t go back to where I used to be and I refuse, I’m done with dealing with my mom’s overcompensation and just remembering that was where the continuation of emotional and some verbal trauma took place since 2014. I’m also terrified of hotels now because I had a misunderstanding on when to leave and a security guard threatened to call the police on me if I didn’t make it out in time, leaving me in tears and so much anger and felt like this city hated neurodivergent individuals or something!!
I tried noise canceling headphones, I’m trying earplugs (even really good ones!), I tried my white machine, but I’m still too sensitive to the noise and it still leaves me with negative thoughts in the mornings sometimes. And I was hoping to move into a place where I didn’t had to do that anymore!!
My dad said that he’ll try talking to the neighbors upstairs again, but I honestly don’t think there’s much that can be done, and I feel like I’m always talking to him about this every weekend. What if the neighbors upstairs just don’t care? And especially since summer break will be coming up for them, I’m scared… not to mention that I hate summer because of the freaking bugs that tend to overstimulate me as well if I’m outside for too long.
Is asking for peace and quiet so much to ask for?? It’s bringing me in tears.. /rhetorical question
#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Trauma #emotionaltrauma #overstimulation #overstimulated #apartment #moving #OSTD
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