When you've had a mentally crazy day, weeks, & month you document that ish. You let that vulnerability side shine. You educate ppl about how mental illness is different for everyone who battles that demon..
IT happened today. Anxiety attack IN my classroom. Thankfully, I knew it was about to happen so I called for one of my bosses to come in & let me go calm down. I'm usually pretty solid when my normal co-teachers are out but today had other plans. Did it get better after that mini break you wonder... absolutely NOT! That overwhelming feeling lingered til I clocked out. Trying anything & everything to stay calm for my students was a work within itself. They knew I wasn't myself.... and in all honesty, THAT broke my heart. Being told to "relax" was brutal. That is ONE phrase I HATE when I'm in this state of mind.
Once I got in my car, it's as if a weight was lifted off my shoulders & I just wanted to sprinkle some strength water on my cheeks & let it fall down, but I told myself NOT in work parking lot. The drive home was something, that's for sure. It was filled with meditation music on low & windows down. Did it help, one hundred percent.
Am I embarrassed that I had to ask for help, absolutely. Do I know it's okay to ask for help, especially when it involves my mental frame at work, absolutely... BUT, the way my anxiety works is, it feeds my brain shame. Embarrassment. Weakness. Guilt. All the negative energy possible.
Today, this post is dedicated to you. You're the real mvp. I have given you the towel for the rest of the night. You win. Tmrw tho, that's my day! The towel is mine!
If you've made it this far, thank you for listening. For anyone battling days like this, you're not the weakest link, remember that! There's always sunshine after the darkness. ALWAYS!!