I am approaching 38 with multiple comorbidities, and several rare disorders. I was five months and 2 days pregnant. But gave birth to a sleeping baby girl in the early morning hours on July 3, 2018. Sadly, however, this was not our first miscarriage or stillbirth. Our first two pregnancies were stillbirths, followed by a several miscarriages, and then this very recent stillbirth. My husband and I are broken over it. We have no family to speak of, we only told my work colleagues (whom I’m only REMOTELY close to) simply because I was very high risk, and they were going to have to make a lot of special exemptions for myself around the office so as to limit my risk even though I work in an office that has fewer than 50 employees so legally, my state, they are not bound by rules of the Americans with Disabilities Act. I already have multiple disabilities, and pregnancy within itself is medically considered a “disability.” I even have a permanent disability tag, not even the short term disability tags that are given to pregnant mothers during late term pregnancy and then even after delivery. I know every mother possibly blames themselves, but I honestly believe that my body was “broken” from a very early age and needed to be “returned to sender.” Believe it or not, we are actually in the middle of the foster-to-adopt process, and have plenty of experience doing such, because I have a Master’s Degree in Social Work and was previously a Family Crisis Counselor for two non-profit organizations. We also fostered two sisters for seven years from birth to age seven. Ideally, we’d like to be able to get them back, but we don’t know if that’s possible, because it’s a sticky situation. My parents live 10 minutes away from us, and they have no idea. I told my one cousin that I’m closest to, because of health and safety reasons, but other than that, I didn’t tell any family. Her response (even though she’s older and has had a miscarriage as well, so naturally, I thought she’d be understanding) was: “I’m really glad you had a miscarriage because during my brother’s (second) wedding wedding we want everyone to be focused on their joy and not you, and to be honest, lately, we’ve had so much death in the family over the last two years, we don’t need to bring attention to you in anyway, so it’s great that she died.” I really have nowhere to turn to except for a priest who I haven’t had yet to see because I just got out of the hospital after blood and iron transfusions because I nearly bled to death after I threw a blood clot, and to be honest, I really don’t believe I love or trust my family anymore. I really believe that I am truly shunned by my family, and the only person I could trust with my life are my husband, my priest and my former teacher who was like a mother. I feel SO completely abandoned by my family (in every gathering an in every situation, it’s like I never existed. Sometimes, I feel like it would be better if I would was never born