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Where did you go?

I wonder honestly where my dad went. How he was out of touch with reality and sent from a hospital to a house, and we all cut ties because talking to him would…I’m tired to vent.

Because I actually like talking to my dad about his theories, and his religion. I actually would tolerate his There watching me, watching you, fake news, real news- opinion. I enjoyed when he would say

“jazz, it’s your father”

And now no one talks to him, so I don’t either. My mental health is fragile, as a lizard is pale.
And seriously, department of mental health, might be jail, incarcerated minds walk freely in Jonny’s and psych ward socks, a few days later there eyes clear up, and then you can talk.

When someone is walking in their scars it s hard to talk to them about yours. But, psych wards have stars and words written on the walls, at least mine did, I made sure to write something in the walls- in toothpaste so it glowed in the dark. Those friendships we make, see you on the outside- almost like Shawshank, if you make it look me up, ignore my trembling hands when I shake yours, on the outskirts of the psych where we first landed.

Where did you go? I ask myself, my true self- cause I don’t know. #Depression #PsychWard


My hospitalization and recovery #Recovery #MentalHealth #PsychWard

The last 5 months have been crazy for me. I lost my mom due to copd in April and then shortly afterwards I went to the hospital because of my grief. What I thought would only be a week or two week stay ended up being a 4 and a half month stay. I spent a month at my local hospitals psych ward and then got transferred to a state psychiatry hospital an hour and a half away from home for 3 and a half months. When I got to the state hospital I got tested for covid and it was a positive result so I then spent the next 10 days in quarantine (which sucked). After those 10 days I got moved to a regular psych unit. I then spent most of the next 3.25 months on 1to1 because of my behavior but I eventually got off 1to1 and got some freedom back on the unit (like showering without someone in my room and being able to sleep with my light turned off). I spent my 25th birthday at that hospital (it was boring and sucked). I eventually went home on September 10th 2021 (I've been home a week now!!!) and am trying to figure out how to stay stable again. I've had to make a lot of phone calls trying to set up new treatment for me and have already ran into a few walls (sadly). I've left a bunch of messages and am just waiting for people to call me back. Hopefully I get things in place soon.


Depression coming back strong after psych stay

It's been a journey lately. Last week I was discharged from the psych ward after almost 2 weeks in there.
I find now my "bad thoughts" have diminished majorly but I still feel numb, and experiencing a lot of anxiety.

Part of this is I think from being around people and having to smile and laugh, it's super tiring. I just want to hide lol.

I am currently with my husband and in laws and they have made soooo many plans for the next few days.

I just wish I could be, and not go to anything or do anything.
#Depresion #Anxity #Pain #fakeit #PsychWard #Suicide

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Hi everyone,

Sorry for being absent. I’ve been in a locked psychiatric ward for over a month now. Being suicidal sucks. Any words of wisdom? I will write a longer post later but I just wanted to update you all as why I’ve been gone for so long.
#PsychWard #lifeinthepsychward #Depression #OCD #Suicide #suicidal #alone #Fucklife


Talking to family about mental health hospitalization

I've had 2 hospitalizations in the past 2 months and only my parents and sister know about it. I've been off work since early April and won't be going back until at least July. I'm typically an oversharer but parents are more hush hush about things. I know it's my choice, not my parents, to decide what to do, but I'm not sure what would be best for me. Rightnow I feel like I'm lying by omission. #Depression #Anxiety #PsychWard


Struggling to Accept My Mental Illness Consumed the first Decade of My Adult Life

I’m not quite thirty and I haven’t been able to hold a job let alone pursue a career due to my mental health problems getting bad in high school and much worse upon graduating. I tried college but had to withdraw before the first semester ended. After that I was in and out of psych wards, treatment facilities, just wasting away. There was a span of time I isolated so much, I didn’t drive, I only went to medical and psych appointments, and had no friends. I was significantly overweight, using food, and sometimes substances (though sometimes I was even too anxious and depressed to put effort into going out to find, sounds crazy I know) to numb out.

I eventually went to treatment in another state which really helped. I finally made friends, learned some independence, and sorta felt normal. When I got home I took a class at a community college, did really well but when the second semester came and I signed up for two classes, I crashed. Ended up back in the psych ward, and started ECTs which barely helped. Later started DBT which years later I’m still in and I feel like I’m so broken that I’ll never graduate even though I’ve not relapsed nor been hospitalized in over 2 years. I started ketamine infusions almost 2 years ago, I hate that my family foots the bill.

I’m looking to try working again, I’m on disability so it’s tricky, to say the least. And I’m living with family since I can’t afford anything else but I’m so tired of it. It’s just embarrassing how much I depend on others and how much I have to learn that others learned at 18. I just feel so pathetic and I know that’s not helpful but it’s hard when I know others view me that way, and some people who do have some say/influence.

It’s funny because as ashamed as I feel, it seems like I make a lot of excuses. I want to just “rip that bandaid off” and do everything that I’ve avoided or been unsure of, I just don’t know why I feel so stuck in the I “can’t” vs I “can”. Sorry this got so long, just needed to vent anonymously. Thanks to anyone who reads. #Depression #Bipolar2Disorder #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #AvoidantPersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #PsychWard #PsychiatricHospital #ElectroconvulsiveTherapy #Ketamineinfusions

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Why can't I just be me

I hate taking medications. I hate the fact I need them to fit into society's little box of conformity. I never know if any feeling is even real sometimes. Does anyone else ever feel like no matter what you do its never enough to get through the shame of having the unseen disorder. People assume because I look normal that I should just always be happy. Is anything ever going to get better? I mess up and act weird but that's me. Why can't I just be me? Why do I have to be what everyone thinks I should be. I get so sick of not being accepted but who really cares.. That's what I want is to have someone just like understand the crazy rollercoaster that I battle every single day. I want to just be happy. But all I do is self sabotage. I could scream at the top of my lungs sometimes how fake people are to my face because they judge me behind my back. But won't stop to think how hard it is to have a mental illness and addiction problems. Everyday I battle myself and forgive others for being fake just because they have no idea how painful it is to be alone in this madness. I just want to be my weird stupid self without being stigmatized. Everything I go through isn't easy. It feels like a million people wantvme to just go away or be who or what they want from me. Because why? Why do normal people hatevme so much #Bipolar #Addiction #PsychWard #Bipolar #help