psych ward

The last 5 months have been crazy for me. I lost my mom due to copd in April and then shortly afterwards I went to the hospital because of my grief. What I thought would only be a week or two week stay ended up being a 4 and a half month stay. I spent a month at my local hospitals psych ward and then got transferred to a state psychiatry hospital an hour and a half away from home for 3 and a half months. When I got to the state hospital I got tested for covid and it was a positive result so I then spent the next 10 days in quarantine (which sucked). After those 10 days I got moved to a regular psych unit. I then spent most of the next 3.25 months on 1to1 because of my behavior but I eventually got off 1to1 and got some freedom back on the unit (like showering without someone in my room and being able to sleep with my light turned off). I spent my 25th birthday at that hospital (it was boring and sucked). I eventually went home on September 10th 2021 (I've been home a week now!!!) and am trying to figure out how to stay stable again. I've had to make a lot of phone calls trying to set up new treatment for me and have already ran into a few walls (sadly). I've left a bunch of messages and am just waiting for people to call me back. Hopefully I get things in place soon.

It's been a journey lately. Last week I was discharged from the psych ward after almost 2 weeks in there.
I find now my "bad thoughts" have diminished majorly but I still feel numb, and experiencing a lot of anxiety.

Part of this is I think from being around people and having to smile and laugh, it's super tiring. I just want to hide lol.

I am currently with my husband and in laws and they have made soooo many plans for the next few days.

I just wish I could be, and not go to anything or do anything.
#Depresion #Anxity #Pain #fakeit #PsychWard #Suicide

I've had 2 hospitalizations in the past 2 months and only my parents and sister know about it. I've been off work since early April and won't be going back until at least July. I'm typically an oversharer but parents are more hush hush about things. I know it's my choice, not my parents, to decide what to do, but I'm not sure what would be best for me. Rightnow I feel like I'm lying by omission. #Depression #Anxiety #PsychWard

Or is it just me?

#PsychWard #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder   #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder   #SchizoaffectiveDisorder   #PTSD #MentalHealth

I’m not quite thirty and I haven’t been able to hold a job let alone pursue a career due to my mental health problems getting bad in high school and much worse upon graduating. I tried college but had to withdraw before the first semester ended. After that I was in and out of psych wards, treatment facilities, just wasting away. There was a span of time I isolated so much, I didn’t drive, I only went to medical and psych appointments, and had no friends. I was significantly overweight, using food, and sometimes substances (though sometimes I was even too anxious and depressed to put effort into going out to find, sounds crazy I know) to numb out.

I eventually went to treatment in another state which really helped. I finally made friends, learned some independence, and sorta felt normal. When I got home I took a class at a community college, did really well but when the second semester came and I signed up for two classes, I crashed. Ended up back in the psych ward, and started ECTs which barely helped. Later started DBT which years later I’m still in and I feel like I’m so broken that I’ll never graduate even though I’ve not relapsed nor been hospitalized in over 2 years. I started ketamine infusions almost 2 years ago, I hate that my family foots the bill.

I’m looking to try working again, I’m on disability so it’s tricky, to say the least. And I’m living with family since I can’t afford anything else but I’m so tired of it. It’s just embarrassing how much I depend on others and how much I have to learn that others learned at 18. I just feel so pathetic and I know that’s not helpful but it’s hard when I know others view me that way, and some people who do have some say/influence.

It’s funny because as ashamed as I feel, it seems like I make a lot of excuses. I want to just “rip that bandaid off” and do everything that I’ve avoided or been unsure of, I just don’t know why I feel so stuck in the I “can’t” vs I “can”. Sorry this got so long, just needed to vent anonymously. Thanks to anyone who reads. #Depression #Bipolar2Disorder #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #AvoidantPersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #PsychWard #PsychiatricHospital #ElectroconvulsiveTherapy #Ketamineinfusions