Ketamine worked! Crossing fingers and toes that it holds!
Ketamine worked for me... I'm crossing my fingers every day.
TL;DR: Ketamine worked when nothing else did. I have my life back....
So I had the opportunity to try Ketamine. We have a very progressive clinic (for MONTANA!!) in my city and everything seemed to align and I was able to try it.
I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 at age 36, 15 years ago. After learning about the disease, it was established that it began at 17. I tried to get it under control for years with medications, therapy, different doctors. I finally got it to the point that the intense, full-blown manias stopped, but the depression continued.
At age 42, the depression really took root as the major factor. I spent the next 8 years with a few hospitalizations and suicidal most of the time. There were some brief moments it lifted (the mania trying to break through) but it never lasted. I began to understand why so many individuals with Bipolar end up committing suicide in later (50s - 60s) years. My doctors and therapists confirmed that when you get older, even with medication, depression, brain fog, and the really awful parts of Bipolar seem to intensify. And let's be real. After we know what's going on, we know that manic episodes are destructive. However, in my experience with Bipolar depression, there were times I would romanticize the missed mania. At least I felt good when that happened- regardless of the destruction I would 'wake up' to later on.
So Ketamine appeared. I have never been a drug-user. I was a drinker in my 20s and have gone through various stages of using alcohol as a buffer - but no alcoholism. (I KNOW alcoholism, my mother and brother have both died from it.)
All I can say is HOLY CRAP. It worked. It's been 9 months and I just cannot explain how well it worked. I have NEVER in my life felt this good -- and in a stable way - no mania, hypomania, etc. If this is what people without mental illness feel like -- I was robbed more than I ever understood.