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dog days of air travel #DownSyndrome

I love dogs. Always have.
I hate leaving our dogs when we go on vacation, and this morning is no different as I say goodbye to our sad and sleepy Golden.
Walking through the airport on one of the busiest travel days of the year, I envy people bringing their dogs, ribbons and festive scarves around their harnesses and leashes.
My disabled adult son, however, is totally terrified.
The simplest way to explain his reaction is that when a dog barks, Charlie’s anxiety skyrockets and he physically recoils spiraling quickly into a full blown panic attack.
Will the dog bark?
Will the dog bark again?
Where is it?
Which way is it going?
Am I safe?
It can take Charlie hours to recover emotionally and physically from an attack triggered by a barking dog. And, unfortunately, today we see 6 dogs en route to our gate, only one a service animal. They are all quiet, well-behaved and honestly add to the happy excitement of families gathering for the Christmas holiday.
But then we hear the 7th dog, a shaggy, little pup sticking its head out of a carrier. The AirPod-wearing owner is seemingly oblivious, even as many passengers turn to see what’s happening. My husband and I glance at each other, and then at Charlie who sees the dog but is working hard to maintain calm.
Unfortunately the pup keeps barking non-stop, yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip all the way down the very long echo chamber concourse. There is no escape.
The damage is done, and we frantically search for an airport lounge or quiet zone for Charlie to calm.
But let’s pause here for a moment as I am pretty certain I can hear readers thinking: give him anxiety meds, have him wear headphones, don’t travel with him.
Let me clarify that Charlie has tried all three options and many, many more at different times of his life. What I can share is that medication makes him inconsistently woozy, headphones hurt his ears and head and leaving our son behind on a family vacay is heartbreaking.
Especially because Charlie French loves to travel.
He is an adventurer. He is a 33-year old man who works very hard for primarily three financial rewards: vhs tapes, gifts for the siblings he loves and flying Business Class.
No matter how bad of a trip we have experienced, Charlie eventually wants to try to go out in the world again.
Arriving at our gate we encounter a family with 4 small dogs waiting to board. A 5th pup comes inside from the decking at the end of the concourse where I see an outdoor seating area, and surprisingly, a giant pee pad.
Pretty nice.
I glance at Charlie struggling to find equilibrium staring at all the little dogs and their entourage of humans.
Why isn’t there a space for Charlie? And other individuals with sensory challenges or auditory processing needs? How can public spaces support these humans?
Accessing public areas seems like something everyone in society should be able to achieve fairly easily. Right?
There are children’s areas in airports Lounges have games and spaces for teens. There are notifications about food allergies at restaurants and food courts. There are family restrooms and baby changing rooms. There are smoking areas. There are carts assisting travelers with mobility issues. And, there are pee pads.
I won’t presume to speak for the disability community on how to problem solve this issue (#nothingforuswithoutus), but I can share Charlie’s perspective: I don’t want to hear barking dogs. I want it to be quiet.
Well, we pre-board (hooray for accommodations), take our seats in disappointing First Class (if it isn’t Business, Charlie is always a bit bummed), and wouldn’t you know it: 2 pups and their owners are just behind us.
Not sure how this trip will turn out, but I am proud of my brave son who continues to go out in a challenging society to chase his desires despite the hurdles he faces.
Here’s hoping the air bnb doesn’t have any barking dogs nearby!

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My mother.@disability@ataxia@chronicpain

This is my mother Joann
on linen that I dyed in tea water until it was the right shade of brown.Picture of her taken in 1921.
I named my second daughter after her. I miss them both.
This is embroidery which I designed. Still stitching, not smoking!

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My needlework

Here is a piece of needlework self designed and stitched by me!
To keep from smoking!

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Left for a while @depression @disability@chronicpain.

Hello Mighty warriors. I left the Mighty for a while.
I was hospitalized for a week. I had two infections that wouldn't go away, so my doctor admitted me. They left me very confused for about 3 days . Because my veins are very small, the nurses had a very hard time starting IVs so my arms were all purple. I felt like I didn't have any real choices. And couldn't sleep! And my lips were terribly chapped.
Leaving, I had awful balance problems (I have ataxia)which was made worse. I lost 11 lbs
(121 to 110 lbs) and no appetite. And still couldn't sleep. And my lips hurt. My darling partner kept my dog Russell safe. So why leave?
I developed depression. I couldn't sleep. Still couldn't eat. My lips hurt.
I couldn't seem to get thru this. I couldn't read about depression, sad times and problems. Or listen to the news.
I had to focus on myself. I needed rest so I turned my phone off. Even with my walker, my walking was and is awful. Slowly, my depression has improved because I prayed to God asking for dealing with these feelings.
The photo is of my brother John (in vest) and wife Sandy, while on the right, my beloved Guy and finally me. I was talked into going out to eat.
I have much to be grateful for.
I try not to think too much about world events and my 3 granddaughters lives in the future. I'm at Guy's home still practicing walking. Russell ( my little dog)loves it here. I am loved and cared for by Guy.
However, my depression tries to return. Some nights I still can't sleep. It tries to sneak in. I have to make myself eat healthy foods. But I won't give in.
And dig this, I stopped smoking!!!! I still want to smoke (it's been 2 months). I do needlework to keep my hands busy. I wore a patch for a while.
Life is up and down for me sometimes. I never even knew I had not 1, but but 2 infections. I felt awful physically and mentally. It was awful. Guy and I have tickets to see Manheim Steamroller later this month!
I am not overwhelmed by the Christmas holidays.
It's terrible to have no control control sometimes. But I need to go the rough times in order to learn and appreciate the good times.
Sorry for the long post. Guess I just needed to share my feelings. Thanks for reading this. Peace out.🤘

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Sharing more helpful information #Arthritis

Momma got my a copper infused wrist brace hoping it will help with my Carpal Tunnel. In with the brace a mini booklet came in the packaging as well. It is from Dr. Arthritis. (doctorarthritis.org)

In the booklet it gives helpful information about the wrist and ailments specially in the wrist. At the end he shares his; Top 10 Tios for Arthritis.

1. Take your medication regularly, not just when you're in a flare-up.

2.Treat any underlying Depression. Arthritis can get you really down. Therefore should not be treated as a physical problem.

3. Consider alternative treatments: Acupuncture, Aromatherapy and Yoga.

4. Use hot and cold therapies. These target inflammation and combat pain.

5. Stretch. This helps to lubricate the joints and enhance range of motion.

6. Gentle exercise in the evening. Before bed, just walk through your house or adjusting yourself on the couch a couple times can works wonders in terms if reducing morning stiffness.

7. Eat a healthy diet

8. Maintain a healthy weight. Extra weight puts more strain on your joints.

9. Manage smoking. Smoking puts stress on connective tissue. So try and cut back or quit.

10. Know your limits! Don't over do it. Rest when your body tells you to.

Not sure if this will be helpful to anyone, but thought I'd share just in case!! Stay strong!!

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Just a day

This is the start of my morning routine.
The yellow is a rescue inhaler, I use 2 puffs of it first.
Then I proceed down the line.
Small red is a combo steroid that promotes lung health
Grey tube is a combo steroid and broncodialator medication, it keeps my airways from closing completely on me even mid asthma attack
Finally the last one, big red, is a steroid that works hard to repair damage from when I was smoking.
I cannot exist without these. I cannot breathe

#Asthma #Lung

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Heartbreak 💔

My BF of 2 + years, broke up with me. During the time of our relationship, he suffered with a Gaming & Smoking Addiction. Prone to Anxiety. He Works at a Casino as Blackjack dealer. His environment normalizes the Win/Lose behavior. His moods go Up & Down, it affected our Relationship. I would become emotional and take it to Heart. I’m susceptible to depression. In the last 6 months, I morally supported him while he decided to remove those vices from his life & become healthy. I wholeheartedly Believed that once he decided to get healthy, it would bring us closer together. Instead, he became narcissistic, cold to my needs, grouchy, would make future plans with me & go ahead on his own, or cancel last minute. Say things like I was ungrateful. It would leave me speechless & crying. Refuses to get help, watches YouTube videos. Now Here’s the confusing part, he would Text me Cute memes every AM & PM. Say I Love You, All the Time. We would talk on the phone everynight for about 2 hours. He would spend the Night at my place 3xW. Drive 45 mins each way to see me. Fix things around the house. Be Loving with my Cat. We go on Enjoyable walks in my neighbourhood. Hold my Hand. Loving when our plans did Manifest. We shared Uplifting Vacations. Those are the Moments that left me longing for more. This went on for over 2 years. Felt longer. Truth is I didn’t want to Break Up, I genuinely Love & Care for him. When I read the Break up text, it has mixed messages. He said he was blocking me but I could email him if I wanted to talk. Shocked! Felt lost & dizzy when I read the message. For my own Peace of Mind, I decided to block him. It hurts so much. Going through a gambit of emotions. Feeling that No Contact is Best. Resisting doubt. Replacing my time by going out with friends. Doing my best to keep busy. It’s when I am at home, the quiet times is when Thoughts comes in. Listening to Soft Music to help ease this feeling. Taking Deep Breaths. Thanks for letting me vent.

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I am completely defeated by my existence

I've never felt more like shit in my life. I've had very unpleasant moments before, but this surpasses them all; I'm deeply depressed. I would never kill myself—I find it a stupid solution to a temporary problem and a lack of appreciation for life. However, I was on the bus on my way to the cardiologist, listening to this Lil Wayne song, “Let It All Work Out.” When I heard those last bars, I felt, just for a second, how miserable I am with such clarity, as if all those barriers between your conscious and unconscious mind that protect you from losing your sanity had disappeared. I wondered what it must feel like to end it all. I think it would probably be a beautiful inner peace, something I haven’t felt in many years.

For a couple of years now, I haven’t felt like a healthy young person. It all started around my first COVID vaccine, about three and a half years ago, I think. I began to get sick every two months, had myocarditis, and I slept through half of my classes in school—a very demanding French school that caused me even more stress because I couldn’t keep up. Also, I’ve never been mentally at peace; since I was a kid, I’ve had a lot of OCD. My mind was always overwhelmed with obsessive thoughts, preventing me from acting normally. I was able to control it with medication, but that doesn’t take away the constant, irrational thoughts that stop me from ever being completely calm.

Then there are the stresses of my relationship with my mom, with whom I clash often due to our very different personalities, and my dad, whom I barely see because he lives in another country, so we have to keep a long-distance relationship. My self-esteem was always low if I wasn’t with someone, but I could never maintain a relationship because my interest never lasted, so I’d have to move on to someone else. Despite all this, I wasn’t entirely unhappy because I thought I’d eventually reach my goals, live amazing experiences, and that everything would heal with time.

But then my whole lifestyle fell apart. Last December, I got sick the day before my graduation party, which I attended anyway. A week went by, and I was still sick. I went to the clinic, and they told me I had COVID. I thought, “No wonder I feel so bad,” and that I’d be fine in a week. That never happened. Since then, I’ve felt sick every day, every damn day. Some days were worse than others, but it was like that 24/7. I went to 20 different doctors, took an absurd number of tests, and no one knew what I had. I spent 11 months like that, with the uncertainty of not knowing what could be wrong. Despite this, I managed to stay relatively patient because I refused to think that whatever I had wouldn’t be curable.

Then a cardiologist gave me my first clue. I had already seen two other cardiologists, but this one specialized in dysautonomia and told me I had all the symptoms of this condition. "Condition" means there’s no cure; you can control it with medication, but it’s not immediate. It’s a process of trial and error, as there are many types of dysautonomia. When I found out a couple of days ago, I honestly didn’t know if my future would be as fantastic as I thought. Now, I’ll never be able to drink recklessly, will have to limit my smoking, will never do MMA again, and just won’t have the energy of a normal person anymore.

And the cherry on top is that just a month ago, I met a girl I felt comfortable with. She stayed at my place four times; I was enjoying the process and looked forward to seeing her each time she left. Then she messaged me saying she didn’t want to meet up as often and wasn’t looking for anything serious. #I am completely defeated by my existence; I can say I’ve hit rock bottom. I don’t know what’s next for me. I haven’t been officially diagnosed yet, but it’s pretty clear what I have since I’ve ruled out most other possibilities.

I don’t know why I’m writing this; maybe it’s because I want someone to listen, or simply to archive my story on the internet. What do you think? What would you recommend? I’m all ears.

By the way, my name is Teo, I was born in the United States but grew up in Chile, and I’m 20 years old. Cheers!

P.S. I understand English perfectly, but writing is hard, so I asked ChatGPT to translate this from Spanish to English. I hope it makes sense.

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Body Modification as a Healing Tool

For those that know me, tattoos are a big part of my life. I have six, now seven with the mushroom pictured below. For years I struggled with body dysphoria as a transgender male and body image issues from abuse and body shaming brought on by relatives. At one point, I even considered being anorexic because the abuse was bad. I still struggle with the abuse and with a lot of shame. I was taught to be perfect but I never will be and it’s about time everyone wakes up to that realization.

Body modification is a way to reclaim my body. It’s a way to say this is mine and I will decorate/modify how I please. It makes me feel unique and like I can express my individuality which was always seen as a negative trait when it’s what makes me most beautiful. I got this mushroom because well I have been smoking a lot of ganja and it brings me, most times, a sense of peace. I also love science fiction stuff and this mushroom looks like it could be straight out of an H. P. Lovecraft story. What are your own unique ways of healing? ❤️‍🩹 #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Bipolar1

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Poltergeist: A Fable

His life was one failure after another until he ended it, once and for all. Or so he thought. Why would a man who couldn’t live successfully die successfully? In the eternal span of milliseconds before he emerged as one of the wretched undead, he wondered what kind of undead he would be. A shambling cliche of a zombie, trapped in the same brain devouring mediocrity that had defined his life? A vampire? Too ridiculous to think that he could be that suave. No blood in the wineglass, pinky tastefully extended for him. He was a guzzler. He wanted to become a revenant, unable to rest until the world shook beneath the fullness of his vengeance. Everyone who had hurt him would join a trail of corpses distinguished by the smoking handprints covering their mouths. Silenced in agony as searing as his silence had been. But that was not to be. He became a poltergeist, but not one strong enough to move furniture about, or even to misplace keys or turn framed photos upside down. Given to him was the power, at the appointed hour of three in the morning, to rustle the blinds. A poor soul awake at that hour would assume the wind did it, but wouldn’t care enough to get up and check the weather report for a mild breeze. So he shuffles impotently through eternity, dreading the advent of polarizing light technology that makes window blinds obsolete, taking away even the small bit of haunting he can do.

Moral: Don’t eat gas station burritos while reading about optical instrument repair and then fall asleep as a Dracula movie transitions to infomercials about window coverings. #Suicide #Depression #MentalHealth #Trauma #PTSD

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