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My mom sent me this text and I just feel numb

I love my mom and family but it’s very dysfunctional and passively emotionally abusive, it used to be a lot worse during my sucidal attempts and self harming in my teens when the abuse was super bad. I’ve come a long way since but I still have a long way to go but trying my best. I know it’s hard for her to understand but it just hurts, I feel like such a waste of space and a total burden or mistake, just feel pathetic and like trash right now, really hard to be kind to myself right now though I usually try to combat the negative thoughts. Anyways sorry thank you I just don’t have a lot of friends and people that understand disabilities or struggles with mental health. Thanks I’ll just struggling having a really bad anxiety attack and crying might have to call the crisis line a little. My eyes hurt from crying. #MentalHealth #Stigma #illness #Disability #lost #lonely #sad #Burden #alone #Recovery #Trying #TheMighty #help #Advice #SOSAD

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Hi everybody.... 🙃
Just... I am just here becouse lately nothing can make me happy! No motivatipn at all.... looking for something to keeps me even a little alivr.. 🙃☹ #wanttobealive #Nomotivation #SOSAD

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I usually look forward to holidays but now that the kids are older, it's not the same. Loved ones have passed and no one gets together anymore. This is the most depressing Christmas I have ever had. #SOSAD #downinthedumps #depressed


Literally cannot stop crying over everything #Depression #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Insomnia #Fibromyalgia

A few weeks ago I let my brother know I didn’t think the way he had been treating our family was right. He never responded BUT his wife did and it was just mean. She told me they were done with the games etc. I simply replied that she was taking everything out on me when she should be talking with my parents as well. This entire exchange broke my heart. My brother has not spoken to me since. And I just found that they I friended me on Facebook. Seems a silly thing but not only have I lost my brother but also my niece and two nephews.
Then the 4th of July has always been spent camping with my brother in law and sister in law. We weren’t invited this year. I know I’ve been off for a while (newly diagnosed borderline Personality Disorder) but this really hurt my feelings deeply. Tonight I tried to talk with her and she didn’t want to. I’ve been in the basement (right now my safe spot) crying. I haven’t slept in the same bed with my husband in weeks as I sit down here and cry. I feel like I’m losing him on top of everyone else. My dogs don’t even want to be near me. I am broken and never in my life felt so hopeless and lost. Thanks for listening. #SOSAD #Wantingtogiveup



#CheckInWithMe I don't know why I'm checking in when all I want to do is "check out." I am feeling so sad because of a recent loss. I can't see the light through the darkness.
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