illness

I love my mom and family but it’s very dysfunctional and passively emotionally abusive, it used to be a lot worse during my sucidal attempts and self harming in my teens when the abuse was super bad. I’ve come a long way since but I still have a long way to go but trying my best. I know it’s hard for her to understand but it just hurts, I feel like such a waste of space and a total burden or mistake, just feel pathetic and like trash right now, really hard to be kind to myself right now though I usually try to combat the negative thoughts. Anyways sorry thank you I just don’t have a lot of friends and people that understand disabilities or struggles with mental health. Thanks I’ll just struggling having a really bad anxiety attack and crying might have to call the crisis line a little. My eyes hurt from crying. #MentalHealth #Stigma #illness #Disability #lost #lonely #sad #Burden #alone #Recovery #Trying #TheMighty #help #Advice #SOSAD

#Recovery #Striving #Surviving #thriving #Hope

So this is for you out there we don’t know what your going through. Today we wanted to say hey IT is what IT is isn’t IT and NO IT is not ok and that is ok. You are allowed to show your feelings you are allowed to express yourself and share your feelings. This is all hard for all of us and we are all extremely tired and exhausted from everything that happened and is happening.

The one message we would like to convey is you are not alone you matter you are important and yes you are worthy!

This is a message of Hope don’t opt-out don’t punch out don’t give up you are so much more then what you are going through.

You never know who your going to help or who will help you we are helping because people have helped us.

ACT DBT CBT EMDR Mindfulness +++++++

Sometimes IT takes so much just to find out what how why when where that you never new or was aware that people care.

You know what get up get out of that toxic fish tank and get into a fight or flight for you as you are the only one that can save you. Sorry tough love we had to say IT.

When you are surrounded by therapy and supports be IT a virtual therapist, peer group or even a volunteer commitment you change the equation of you.

So if you can change the equation you can escape the loop. If you escape the loop you can do so many different things that are good for you.

Look we know this is for someone out there…

Maybe your drinking maybe your smoking maybe your coping just to get to tomorrow using or even being abused. We send our hugs cause you can survive and you can get out. We won’t lie IT is very hard. Sometimes you need a 6 month break that’s an option. Yes you are putting life on hold and yes things may fall apart but is not everything already falling apart if your in this situation? Personally this road has been travelled. The point is don’t give up don’t surrender don’t give in cause you never know who is out there.

Someone needs to hear this message you perhaps or maybe a connection that is going through IT.

We would like to send hugs big hugs cause you can do IT! Yes you can! God Said so with help. So that means you don’t have to do IT alone.

We ask you to consider if you choose your present who can you help? If you choose to continue who will need you to be there for them in there time of need. A total stranger in a store a parking lot walking on a street or even in a support group. Someone somewhere needs you.

We hope this helps someone know you are appreciated you are valued and yes you are missed.

We send #Love #Support #Hugs }{ #ChronicDepression #suside #Anxiety #Addiction #ChrinicPain #Divergent #Diversity #ADHD #ASD #Autism #Fibromyalgia #BackPain #ChronicIllness #MentalHealth #illness

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨💓💓💓💖💖🥰🥰🥰😀 #Love #Trying #Recovery #illness #thriving #struggling

I would like to open up about my invisible illness. I first realized there was something wrong about six years ago when i came to New Zealand in couple of months I got really sick had this persistent pain in my body and I kept getting this shooting pain from my neck to lower back. My pain became more widespread, more frequent, and more intense when I was at university.

I went to several doctors and specialists had several exams for past 6 years finally I was diagnosed in 2022. The neurologist gave my invisible illness a name Fibromyalgia. I was finally relived they found what actually my illness is however it is a chronic illness which is lifelong and has no cure and also accompanied by chronic fatigue and 100 other symptoms.

Living with fibromyalgia means living with a chronic pain condition that greatly influences daily life. I feel pain all of the time and this affects my ability to do day-to-day tasks.Every task I choose to do has a trade-off with another. For example, if I choose to cook something, doing the laundry becomes more difficult.

As soon as i was diagnosed,I was forced to slow down all my activities both in personal and professional life it had gotten so worse that full right side of my body from neck to feet was in so much pain i could barely move, close my fist or hold a cup or grab the spoon to cook or eat.

Hence i had to make so many changes in my life to gain back strength and mobility slowly back to my body.I had to start taking different medications and therapies with many trials until my doctor found what worked better for me, many meds I was on, messed with my sleeping pattern made me feel nauseous and dizzy whole day and others messed with my stomach lining. I tried to work out because I felt that staying active changing my diet to vegetarian would help me sadly it worsened my symptoms even more. The most challenging aspect of fibro, for me, would be the fatigue, since it prevents me from doing a lot.

Unfortunately, there are not too many medical experts in New Zealand who have done research to understand what I have, and how it affects my daily life. My husband is my number one supporter and he helps me with my stress which is a trigger to pain, but there are also those who don’t understand or care to, so I just distanced myself from those people. I will continue to remove such people from my life, whether blood related or not, if you are not concerned about my wellbeing then I don’t need to have you in my already small circle.

In the last six years there has never been a day my body was without pain. I dont even know how it feels to be without pain anymore. I can’t be on meds 24*7 so i try to get as much rest as possible. As the meds have other side effects which causes other health issues.Honestly, i have tried all the pain killers in the world none of those have ever made my pain go even 20% less . There are times when I feel like nothing works and then i started to research and study on this illness myself.

With my findings and study for months i found out that lifestyle management is the only solution with people who have chromic illness. Since western medicine doesn’t have any cure i studied Ayurveda and gain knowledge around it and observed myself by doing trial and errors with Ayurvedic diet and practising spiritualism as a result to balance and manage my lifestyle Ayurvedic food diet which works for me in subsiding symptoms related to fatigue and stomach lining. Spirituality also really helped me such as meditation and yoga in order to focus on the positivity around me and to push myself to keep fighting with my body in order to live my life to the fullest.

As far as being open about my illness & symptoms, I hate to complain, because I know it can be annoying to hear someone talk about how much pain they are in daily, so I keep it to a minimum. I hate to hear that it will get better, when I know it’s not going to get better because there is no cure. So, I had kept it to myself. Remember to be kind to people as behind that smile we don’t know who is fighting a battle not everyone likes to open up about their struggles. I have had people commenting on my life about gaining weight or not going out or visiting families and friend. Last six years has been a roller coaster ride for me. I have been faking being okay!

My biggest battle is the pain I deal with daily, but the biggest is putting on a brave face, getting up and starting my day and trying to keep up with my daily responsibilities either personally or professionally. There was many moment in my life where i would want to scream at the top of my lungs. I just have no control over this illness that has taken over me and i would want to take my life. Then i look around and see I have family who i love dearly, and one look at them, tells me that my life is important and worth fighting for.

Honestly taking it one day at a time, is how I balance my illness in my personal and professional life, there is no other way. I had always been a high achiever and proceeded to put a lot of pressure on myself in every aspect of my life hence people always say i am lucky whenever i attained my goals whether it was graduating with academic excellence being the top scholar or getting a corporate job at management level or buying a brand new home or travelling around and buying luxury items at early 20s it is not luck it is hard-work sacrifices and most importantly journey of fighting with my own body, health and mind to live life and achieve of my dreams. I just want to say to each one of you if your healthy you are lucky one as Health is Wealth!!

I would like people to know and understand that this condition is real and it’s depressing- please be supportive. If you find that you can’t be of any help to that person suffering from Fibro, then remove yourself from their lives, and spare them further pain.

My words of encouragement for others who are living with Fibro are to try to find a doctor who is caring and believes in your pain, and work with them in finding medication that can help you control some of the pain, because right now, there is nothing that take it all away. Continue fighting, and don’t give up, we have people who need us and depend on us, so we must find a way to fight to continue living. And lastly we should all come together and help us spread the word, and know that you are not alone.

Lastly, this message was not for sympathy it was for awareness in the community which is must needed.
#Fibromyalgia #ChronicPain #fibromyalgiawarrior #illness #Fibro #healthiswealth #Bekind #ChronicIllness #symptoms #treatment #RheumatoidArthritis #FibroFog #Medicine

There are times when what has been becomes suddenly much more real then usual.
Not as a flashback - they're definitely different - but more like a realization that what's in my memories, in my patterns, in my body and mind has really happened, some time ago in my life.

What surprises me the most is:
I'm not fine, even though I'm better than in previous months and years, but, the hell, compared to before it's like I'm in Heaven.

It doesn't bring me the positivity and mood switch I might expect, it weights the same, most of the times, but it surely helps me redimensioning the whole picture.
I'm grateful, overall, for one thing: now, when I have my crisis, they're still bad and, sometimes, worse than other times years ago, BUT they're crisis: they happen from time to time. (I'm not talking about being on low mood; to me, before, it was much more than that: tentacles slipping out of my head trying to choke me and smash anything inside and around me).
I can feel my mind clean, and, yup, I'm now crying, all of a sudden.

I'd never wanna go back to before.

A week ago I was writing a post I've never shared and, when recalling the bad effects the thing I was talking about had on me, I realized the list was very very long and very very painful and messy.
What makes it often difficult for me to comprehend my patterns and problems is that I tend to hide them, and then forget about them, over the years.

Thing is, there has been terror.
I don't wanna include the details, because I'm aware that for someone they could be not nice.

I shared this picture (search for Riftress on Pinterest, if you're interest - I really like these works) because it is one of the pics I saved back then.
Something have sucked up my own self from my life and I think it was the exhaustion from that period.

Crying helps me too.
If now I'm crying, it means it really has been hard.
Since I tend to hide and minimize, since people shared their issues with me and rarely listened to me, always ignored the signals I was pointing out and since things for me often changed - environmentally speaking - I tend to forget.
To me, now, it feels like I'm based on a void past.
It doesn't mean I'd wanna linger on it: just that in order to understand why I am the way I am today I need to recall.

Times like this one, though, makes me wanna go back that before and erase everything. Why it had to be so damageful.
Again, though, I tend to hide: none really witnessed in person any free expression of my mental state, so, then, it feel more righteous to minimize it. This confuses me.

Though I think it's not fair to compair: the same trauma can have different outcomes on different people; that's why I think crying is helpful -> it spots out the fact that what I'm feeling and thinking about - recalling - has really been a hardship for me.

But it seems impossible that all the dark lump has really left. Did it?
Instead of feeling and expressing itself in dark and full of --- ways*, my mind's just flat. That's the new pattern, I guess.
I've been backfired.
* I don't really feel at ease sharing details, again, but I don't know how to express it.

I still have issues to work on, sometimes - often - I just can take my mind anymore, I often have no energy to live my life, but sure it changed. Time heals.
And I've understood myself and other people better, in the meanwhile, which has been another fundamental turning point.
And I can't express how grateful I am whenever I get to become more aware then before. I love understanding.
So - I still can change and for the better.
There's and I have hope in it.

#Reflection #throwback #Trauma #Crisis #time #Understanding #past #Memory #Pain #cry #Life #mind #pattern #backfired #Healing #Awareness #HealingProcess #exhaustion #Monster #illness #MentalHealth #growing #growth #Present #Hope #change #Grief #Energy

Hello Everyone.
Welcome to another episode of #WhatOnEarthIsHappening ! 🤣

My emotions nose dived today like as if I was flying in an air plane circus show. #emotional time periods are not the best times, but they can be #Valuable when we have #Anxiety . I started to #think about all of these things that I have experienced so far since my father had died in March 2022.

When my #Dad passed away... I lost my favorite pain in the @$$. I was his favorite too. I #Love and #MISS my Dad so much. #Death is not an easy thing to #handle . But while I was #dealing with the #Lose of my Dad, I had them lost my job right after coming down with a terrible #illness .

It was a nightmare for me how I #lost my #Job and my #daddy all in such a short time span. I haven't found another job since because I have not mentally been #prepared for #MentalHealth is something that needed to be worked on as I am still #grieving over my father and my job.

So... Here I am... #RidingTheWaves that come in and out in my mind. Sometimes I just need to #RollWithIt and do what I need to do in the best way I can,.. even if it isn't my usual best. #Trying is better than #denying and #Procrastinating .

I must start small.
If I want a #Job ... I should try a small part time job somewhere. Maybe a retail job.. but.. even #Retail can be #stressful these days. It's getting #worse now that #AnxietyDisorder is getting stronger or more intense with me. But I will do my #best to #KeepWalking onward.

Do you have any words of encouragement for me?

#BipolarDisorder
#AnxietyDisorder
#PanicDisorder
#Parentloss
#Jobloss
#PTSD
#PMDD
#strength