The Mom, You Got This! Summit is my way of putting all our needs under one roof in a 4-day Free Event to help us feel calmer and more in control. Check it out! Here is a line up of topics momyougotthis.co #Parenting #MentalHealth #selfcare #SpecialNeedsMoms #medicalneedsmom #kidswithmedcialconditions
I’m drowning – trying to raise up to catch a breath when the next wave crashes down on my head. Last week it was a fibromyalgia attack that left me unable to speak for hours…oh wait that was two weeks ago. Last weekend was leaving my kids with my mom on our beach weekend so I could be with my husband when he called to let me know he had an ambulance on the way to get him – the leg pain being so bad he couldn’t walk. Tonight, it is finding out my eight year old (ASD & ADHD) is also dealing with depression – cutting herself and thinking about ending her life. Its trying to navigate the latest crisis while my 5 year old (ASD & severe ADHD) walks in on me crying and only cares about what’s for dinner and doesn’t care that we are in crisis mode, she doesn’t want what I tell her is for dinner.
I’m the juggler in this crazy circus – sure throw one more flaming torch at me – so what if I drop a few. No one steps up to take the load (hubby does when the pain allows him too), instead they watch and give platitudes
“Oh man that sucks.” – uh, yea pretty much.
“You’re so strong. “I don’t’ know how you do it.” Quite frankly neither do I.
“I’ll pray for you.” – Please pray. Please pray with everything you have, but also can you do prayer through action?
“Can you take some time away to recharge?” - Are you volunteering to watch my special needs children so that I can get that time?
“It will get better I promise.” – I’m sure it will, I just don’t know if I will survive long enough to see it.
Once the crisis is over I need to process before I get swept out to sea by the next crisis. I process in a variety of ways, so good, some not so good. First, I let my support circle know what is happening so I know they will check in on me and pray and whatever else they can do. Once the crying is done and I can breathe again I reach for sugar. I process through art, abstract, strange messy pieces that allow me to simply push the paint in big sweeping strokes, letting the colors sooth me. I also process through writing. I’m so thankful for the big wide internet. Its like screaming into a canyon and waiting for the echo to return. Sometimes it doesn’t and that’s okay too, sometimes it’s just enough to get all the words out. I sit here at the computer cross eyed with fatigue as I struggle to empty myself of words, the emotion pouring out through my fingertips as the key clack.But maybe if I share my words, my emotions, my process here, it will echo in a heart that needs to hear that is hard. Being a parent or caretaker is hard. Having a chronic health condition is hard. Distance learning and Covid isolation is hard. Relationships are hard. Life is fucking hard. The only thing that makes it easier is to reach out across the void and say I see you and I know it’s hard.
What tools are in your tool box that help you process the hard days and leave you ready for the next wave?
When my second child was born only 19 months after my first, and promptly proceeded to scream in an ear splitting pitch, at an unimaginable decibel level for something so tiny and adorable, I went into survival mode. I did what I had to do to make sure that my two babies and I made it through each day, with as little pain and as many smiles as possible. I did get back on medication 4 months in, and it made it survivable, but months later, when my youngest finally decided that he didn’t need to be permanently attached at the nipple, I began to realize how traumatic those months had truly been. I would leave my tiny children in the trusted hands of the carefully screened church volunteers, and be shocked to suddenly burst into tears at the sight of a very pregnant woman or a tiny newborn. The thought of those months brought a lump to my throat every time. I had nightmares of not being able to stop my son’s crying. I’d hear “ghost crying” all the time, and any time he had a high pitched meltdown, my anxiety would skyrocket. At the hospital, I learned that I was having symptoms of PTSD. I began seeing a therapist, again, after returning from inpatient care, and immediately inquired about EMDR therapy, which helped me to be able to remember those experiences with much milder emotional reactions, just in time for the arrival of my third child, another son.
I may do an entire post on this precious child, at some point, but suffice it to say that he’s brought immeasurable joy to our family, and is the complete opposite of his older brother in so many ways. However, even his joyful arrival in our lives wasn’t enough to magically heal the buried hurts in my marriage from the very eventful past few years, and my husband and I sought intensive marriage counseling, through our church. I cannot recommend this enough! It restored our marriage, and set the stage for us to survive the drama of 2020, 3 years later.
#Marriage
#SensoryProcessingDisorder
#ADHD
#Bipolar2Disorder
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#MajorDepressiveDisorder
#MomGuilt
#SpecialNeedsMoms
#Parenting
August is Gastroparesis awareness month. 💚
I met Gastroparesis at the end of 2013. I had a new baby girl who just recently had a life saving surgery and I was trying to hold my head up from all that when... BOOM! My first baby girl A 2.5yrs starts throwing up after everything she eats hours after! She'd nap and on her pillow she vomit during sleep. If she didn't vomit it all the way up she'd chew it and swallow it down. I was terrified. I knew something was wrong. My mommy instincts told me and I had good instincts considering my baby had just been through some life changing medical stuff.
She was so little and brave getting her Gastric Emptying Study scan done as we needed to see how fast her stomach was emptying. Within a day or so of her scan we got the results. A had Gastroparesis her stomach was paralyzed. We needed to come in to talk about how to help her. She had to be on daily antibiotics 4x a day to see if it would help her symptoms. Because there is no cure.
I was numb. She was just a baby! I was mad. Why was this happening?!? I already had my 5 month old placed under multiple doctors, surgery and hospital care. Now, A has to have a specialist. I can remember being so scared that she would end up having a feeding tube like baby sister. So far, she hasn't.
In K we dealt with a completely different problem. School. They made her stay in the classroom to vomit in the trashcan when she needed to. In front of her classmates! She even use to just hold it in her mouth and wait till her teacher noticed. 😔 Once I found that out I was not a happy momma bear. She had already been through so much in her little 5 years of life and then to have her vomit in front of kids. I couldn't believe it.
Over the years she's adapted and knows when she will throw up or she'll just swallow it down. It use to bother me so much but it isn't her fault. She can't help it. We've tried oh how we've tried different things to distract after eating. But 1-2 hrs something always comes up a tiny bit.
She's 9 now and it's been a long road full of ups and downs. We see a motility specialist at the children's hospital 5 hours aways every 6 months. Daily medications, tummy aches, bloated tummy's, nausea and other issues. She's such a fighter. She doesn't complain. I don't know how she does it when I look at her I know she's in pain I can see it. It's hard watching your tiny daughter have a bloated belly that she can't hide. Watching her eat a few bites because she's full even though she's hungry. She's my hero my strength.
Gastroparesis awareness is just a month to most but to her and my family it's been our life since she was 2.5. It's lifelong.
#Gastroparesis #SpecialNeedsMoms #ChildrenWithSpecialNeeds
I found this picture on Facebook the other day and it really stuck with me. It’s like one part of my head knows it’s okay to not be okay sometimes, but the other part nitpicks at the statement. Like tears it apart and says things like it really isn’t okay, you should always be okay, look at all you have you fat slob..... there is so much more but that’s all I can remember at the moment. Some days are good and some are not quite so good, and then there are the days that are really a battle. The days where my body actually hurts from tensing up and never sleeping good, the days where I lie to my family and husband that I don’t feel good because I just don’t want to interact with anyone.
Whew..... I think I’m done venting all of that. Thank you for reading if you made it to the end. ☺️
So I have IBS. I am stressed all the time about everything from my kids to getting taxes done by the extension deadline to the massive amount of battles with insurance and Medicaid over claims etc. I am not good with change and coloring helps me focus on something smaller for a while. It doesn’t help as much when I am home and everything weighs on me more than if I am out of state with my daughter for surgeries.
What do you do to cope with your anxiety and stress? #stressrelief #TiredOfMyThoughts
I started this one feeling unsure how it would turn out. Feels a lot like the last couple years and the years ahead. Gave it to my sister. Yes I know it’s got knitting needles and I remember my mom trying to teach us that and crocheting. My sister tends to crochet for her relaxation and I try to find a place out of the house with good WiFi so I can listen to music that I like and color. Once I start a coloring book, I prefer to stick to it until I finish it. My first one was 48 pages and it took me 2 years approx. I like how it came out even if it’s a bit busy...that kind of sounds like my life. 🤷🏻♀️
Some days I feel like I can’t go on any longer. Today was one of those days. I pray for strength to get me through another relationship casualty to BPD. #Bpdsucks #misundersood #SpecialNeedsMoms #fightthrougheveryday
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