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Why I chose to go to rehab....

I went into rehab for the first time at 22 years old….

I live with Bipolar Disorder Type 2, ADHD, PTSD, and BPD….

I chose to go to rehab at 22 years old because my life had gotten out of control… Addiction and chaos ruled my world and it felt like there was nothing I could do, until I started rehab. I knew that the way I was living my life in chaos, partying, and heavy drug usage would only lead me to death or jail.

I chose to start rehab because I wanted to gain control of my life and I was determined to live a sober life…..

Rehab was the best thing that happened to me because I finally found the support that I needed to get sober and live the life that I knew I deserved.

If you are someone who is struggling with addiction in silence, just know you're not alone….

You are worthy of living a sober life. #Bipolar #ADHD #PTSD #SubstanceUseDisorder


How I survived my early 20's with mental health challenges

I spent my early 20’s battling with my Bipolar Disorder Diagnosis and my Substance Abuse Disorder.

At 21 years old, I hit rock bottom. I was in a depressive episode that I couldn’t get out of, I lived in eternal darkness with no way out and no escape. I felt like I had no friends, no future, no family, nothing left, I felt the most alone I had ever felt.

This when I started drinking so I could cope with the feelings of depression and the darkness I felt come over me. I drank everyday, just so I could function in school and work. This soon would escalate into an addiction to alcohol and drugs. Very soon after, I received my diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder Type 2, and everything began to make sense……

Receiving this diagnosis meant I could put words to what I had been battling with in secrecy, the drastic highs and lows I had felt since I was a teenager finally had a name.

I began receiving treatment for my Bipolar Disorder, a combination of therapy and medications that would save my life completely.

However, because I had been medicating with alcohol and drugs this made it more difficult to treat my mood disorder, because the alcohol would diminish the potency of my mood stabilizers.

After graduating from college, at 22 I went into rehab to treat my Substance Abuse Disorder. While in rehab, I was finally able to get clean for 6 weeks straight without relapsing. I felt so proud of myself and was determined to live a sober life.

Going to rehab was the best thing that ever happened to me because I finally had the support and community to help me quit alcohol and drugs.

I survived my early 20’s with mental health challenges by taking action and seeking help. Getting on the right medications and going to therapy made it possible for me to live a stable health life with my Bipolar Disorder and Substance Abuse Disorder.

#BipolarDisorder #SubstanceUseDisorder #ADHD #AlcoholUseDisorder

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Self Portrait

I have taken up painting as a hobby and, although I have zero knowledge or talent, I find it calming. I either gift my pictures or turf them out. There are just too many to keep. This picture is my self portrait. The black represents trauma that slowly leads into the grey, that is healing. White represents fresh and new and innocent. The red is my face; I'm so broken it is unrecognizable.

#Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #CPTSD #SubstanceUseDisorder #CocaineDependence #PersonalityDisorders #Suicide #SuicideIdeation #SuicideSurvivors #MightPets #CannabisDependence #Cannabis #MentalHealth

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Finding the Gems

When I'm driving the backroads and I come upon an old homestead, I get shivers. What am I going to find? Sometimes, like this picture, you turn around to see if there are any shots you're missing and the frame jumps out at you. That's what happened with this shot. Everything lined up perfectly.

#Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #CPTSD #SubstanceUseDisorder #CocaineDependence #PersonalityDisorders #Suicide #SuicideIdeation #SuicideSurvivors


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Group Support for Family Members

I have the most amazing husband. He is my biggest advocate and supporter. Unfortunately, we are having trouble finding him other people to talk to. Can someone please tell me the group names that would be appropriate for him? Thanks so much. #CannabisDependence #Suicide #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #CPTSD #Anxiety #SuicidalThoughts #CocaineDependence #SubstanceUseDisorder


I Had a Panic Attack and a Nightmare Yesterday...

...over going to residential tomorrow, and my service dog and Ativan helped me through it. #MentalHealth   #EatingDisorders   #BulimiaNervosa   #PTSD   #SchizoaffectiveDisorder   #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder   #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder   #AspergersSyndrome   #Autism   #SubstanceUseDisorder

You see, I just found out yesterday something that the program never mentioned to me. It was that the program was for ages 10 - 18. I am 18 years old. I do not wish to be treated like a child and be around fighting children. I also do not wish to be forced to attend school. Although I'm still in high school, I wish to focus on my mental health, eating disorder, and drug addiction issues. I told the program this. They said they would not force me, but told my mom that they would try to "reason with me" about going to their version of school. I fear that this would ultimately lead to punishing me and withholding "levels", and not being able to do fun things with the program, such as going horseback riding and swimming. If this is the case, I will NOT be attending the program.

What also sucks is that I can't take my much needed service dog with me. My parents are not allowing her to come with me on the trip to Virginia, and I'm too afraid of asking the program if I can bring my service dog there.

I also had a nightmare last night regarding the program. In the nightmare, the program only addressed my mental health, not my eating disorder and drug addiction issues.  We had to sleep outside in miniature mansions made for dogs. We were treated horribly, and could never leave.

While I'm sure it's not quite like that, I sure do hope that this trip all the way to Fairfax, VA, does not turn out to be a big waste of time regarding the residential. If it is, well then, at least I get to have fun at a highly-rated and expensive hotel with my mom then for a few days! Lol.

Yeah, I'm just a bit nervous I guess.


Controversial question..Anyone else struggling to fully self isolate? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #SubstanceUseDisorder

To clarify, I am socially isolating, and I do understand how important it is. What I’m interested in is a conversation around how socially isolating can be harder to do for those of us who are more impulsive/emotionally driven/have addictive behaviours. I want to feel that I’m doing my best to protect my community from the virus, but I admit I feel ashamed because I’ve slipped up, and I’ve seen at least a few people (and had sex with two of those people, to be perfectly honest) and part of me doesn’t feel bad about this, because I know how much I struggle with self control in a social/dating sense especially. I really need people and it’s very emotion based, sometimes in an almost desperate way. It’s hard to put into words, but if this hits home for anyone please let me know. If anyone else is feeling as confused and guilty/embarrassed as I am, we should talk 😐

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6 months sober today!

Sucks I can’t go to a physical meeting because of the quarantine but I’m proud of myself none the less! This chaos in our world right now has been challenging me not to use to escape and numb out. Can’t believe I’m doing it though. Hope y’all are staying strong too ☺️ #Addiction #SubstanceUseDisorder #Anxiety