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Sensitive Soul

This is true for me.
I honestly cry for just about everything.
Happy, Sad, Angry, etc..
I could be watching any movies and when something slightly relatable or sad happens, I shed a tear.
For so long I’ve hated myself for this.
Sometimes I still do.
It’s literally a gift and a curse.
To feel so much with all your heart, even to be able to feel what others are feeling. it’s a lot.
Even as I write this, I am tearing up.
This is hard to admit because I have been teased all my life for this. As of today I still do.
“She’s sensitive,” when I hear those words, I would always take it as a insult.
For so long I’ve been told crying was for the weak.
So For so long, I always thought I was weak.
Sometimes I still do.
As a kid I struggled with loving who i was being of being sensitive.
But now, I’ve been trying to love what makes me who I am.
I know I put myself down for certain qualities that I have.
Not just my looks but who I am as a person.
Everyone has their days, when they love who they are or how they look. One day They can be so confident. Then other days, you hate yourself and put yourself down.
I know I’m guilty of that.
I do believe I am beautiful inside and out.
I do have a sensitive soul but I’m trying to love that side of myself. I’m trying to own every quality that I have.
It’s not easy, but I’m trying.
And I guess trying is the best thing anyone can do. #HighlysensitivePerson #whoiam #Emotions #Sensitivesoul #loveyourself


Uh A LOT of #random pieces of my ashamed & weird mind

First, I am going to use this site as a diary, I believe. So please, by no means should anyone feel forced to read my crap. I am scared to post, but there we are; my disclaimer. You've been warned! :)

Tonight I #Write trying to get back in touch with #whoiam after an extremely #Manipulative #Controlling degrading #AbusiveRelationship . More than 1 person warns me this could be dangerous I am battling both the fear that it will be dangerous but as twisted as it seems I think I may actually be more selfishly afraid that I'll be #Forgotten #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder 

I have been losing people all of my life and not one person has stayed even if they came back everyone has had to take a break. A few years ago I went to 7 different psychiatrists and specialists looking for help and LITERALLY everyone of them told me the same answer more or less but their is one answer to my #seekinghelp that will forever be embedded in my mind, word for word.
"You are too #Traumatized to help , " he said. That cut me so deep I still feel scared today that he was right. But I'm here. Trying to prove wrong this theory quiet a few doctors seem to think of when it comes to me.

I've been seeing a psychiatrist since I was 6 years old so most of my life none of them gave me hope just #pills that didn't do anything for it wasn't a chemical imbalance instead it was just about everything else out of balance and wrong in life causing my behaviors. But everyone was too busy #fighting or whatever else the case may be to ever realize just how badly all the #Rejection  #abandonment #SexualAssault
#violence"> #FosterCare #Adoption SUCKS ... 
At 4 I was #Cutting something I do not support in others but also do not judge in others for your life matters far more than mine I assure you... No one noticed. I've been #invisible since I can recall. 

And while the #Relationshipproblems I had recently are going away as I attempt to hide from him and ignore how it hurts I still feel that stupid #Child within me terrified I am gonna vanish because no one will ever love me again and 'bad' love surely is better than no #Love - this is #panic talking, I think... 
Oh I don't know.
recently moved into a new house with my #grandma for #Caregiving and at first because I wanted to. But she has grown ... very different over the past year all her other children abandon her and while she just recently said she thinks she made a #mistake in letting me stay around instead of having to be further shoved from person to person, institution to institution, despite her doubt in that, I do love her and am glad she did even if life has been one massive hell hole with nothing but shadows filled with violence, anger, terror, horrible things done to a child, rather I say, the innocence stolen, full of every day questions about the next rejection or abandonment or if worry; worry that if I fell asleep she would be dead in the morning because I hadn't been able to save her.

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