AloneTogether

So I got out of hospital I am still on long term catheter which nurses are coming in most days to check etc ,but my bladder is rejecting it so it's only draining little bits ,my stomach is still bloating as I'm retaining alot and the pain is causing more pressure on my spine,I am in constant pain, I've never felt so damaged through everything I've dealt with till now,Had my emergency app with dermatologist specialist yesterday and she's not very happy especialky with ky history of skin cancer etc so she's put through for an urgent ultra sound scan to be done on my lymph nodes to see what it is and if needs to be removed. The waiting is causing me so much anxiety and my head keeps slipping to dark places like what if it is serious and I won't be here for the kids and tunns of other crazy things .I'm trying to keep focused on little things crafty things I enjoy or organising what I can while sitting on my pressure cushions or in bed ,but dealing with the worrying while in so much physical pain ,using crutches, literally can't do anything unaided ,,trying to keep things as normal for kids as possible, teying to be the best mummy i can right now when im literally falling into pieces and waiting to see if I have to have a suprapubic catheter interested into my stomach because of these issues everything is just too much right now .

#MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Insomnia #Upallnight #SkinCancer #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #loveyourself #Bekind #Selfcare #Catheter #AloneTogether #Parenting #GeneralParenting

Since Covid / then Long covid ,severe anxiety &depression, PTSD from the fire at our previous home then all the mess with going into homless accommodation then temporary accommodation then eventually getting our home end of the year I was really feeling so positive and looking forward even though I was still dealing with chronic pain in my back and legs every day ,the issues I have from long covid and the ptsd I was finally excited and looking forward and coping.Even my pain and symptoms getting worse due to the slipped disc,the fact my hair is still falling out ,my scars from the skin cancer biopsies , I was still focusing on the new house ,decorating things making things the way I wanted and liked as I'm always crafty and like changing things with my own touches. My mood was much better and I was having less bad days then all this !now have been long term catheterised ,on crutches now for the foreseeable, my breathing issues are worse now ,I need help with everything basically unable to do anything myaelf unaided or supported.I have completely lost myself,loads my confidence in everyday possible, I don't enjoy the little things I used to love I feel I have no passion or drive feel like I am a completely different person ,I don't look forward now I'm taking days by days and just in this ongoing routine of being in pain on medication that I need but makes me constantly tired and drowsy. I feel like my children are suffering again after everything now having to see me like this and unable to do any of the things I used to do with them without assistance, walking aids,pain relief ,being on such strong medication that makes me constantly drowsy and unable to even get up sometimes .I feel so frustrated and agitated that my body is in such a state and constantly look at everything I've lost and loved about myself.Right now I am getting through the days but that's it I feel numb and guilty that there's people way worse off yet at the minute I can only see and feel how bad things are .having ongoing appointments non stop , worrying about the lymph node that is swollen now considering my history and what that may then cause or need to be done.I just feel absolutely exhausted I feel like a burden to those round me who are there for me and helping me as though I'm just a burden and a pest. I feel like I'm failing as a mum and my kids are suffering because of my health and issues.I just really can't seem to see anything other than this dark place rightnow 😭😭 I'm glad I have this app to vent my struggles and situations and I'm always very appreciative of the support and advice I get and could really be doing with some justnow.
#MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Insomnia #Upallnight #SkinCancer #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #Selfcare #PTSD #Anxiety #Depression #Parenting #GeneralParenting #AloneTogether #lost #ChronicIllness

Well I am finally home from hospital, but I have a long term Catheter in which may become something permanent depending on the damage to my bladder and my spine.I am on crutches, I can barely move to even slide myslef up a bed without struggling in pain ,I am now on morphene repeat prescription also from the chronic pain team .I have to see district nurses to see about getting things at home to help me be able to do things and get around now.I am so glad to be home with the kids and my little Coco ,but family member has now had to move in as I need assistance and care with everything to moving around to getting dressed,,washed,and also to deal with the kids which is amazing as means I can be at home with them even though I'm unable to do anything.they found a lump in my neck lymph nodes and because of the previous skin cancer its been referred urgently to my dermatologist.ive never struggled or been in as much pain as I am now so just having to take everyday as it comes and see what happens at future appointments.

#MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #longcovid #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #narcissist #AloneTogether #Endometriosis #COVID19 #PTSD #Parenting #GeneralParenting

Well after a crazy ,hectic ,non stop 6 weeks of very long days ,all the decorating ,all the packing and moving things tonight I emptied the last of the boxes .This house now is starting to feel like our home :) .
Organising everything and even just hanging shelves or photos and adding all our little things has made me so excited .It's been a lot of tears and it's not completely done but I'm actually so proud of myself and what I've managed to do myself in 6 weeks considering the mess it was in when I got it.ive done things I never thought I'd be able to , and it feels so amazing now seeing it all come together ,seeing how Happy the kids are and how much them and our little Coco are settling into it.Really does make all the stress and hard work worth it to see them all so happy :) due to my health and pain being so bad too just decorating things,making things or organising stuff has really been helping with my anxiety aswell and I'm actually enjoying it.ive had so many and fay's lately but tonight unpacking that last box felt like such a relief and such an achievement of the fact I've done it all myself while being in pain and struggling and also making sure kids are settling in .
Going to bed feeling very satisfied and blessed tonight which is a really nice feeling compared to way I have been feeling alot lately.

#MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #narcissist #AloneTogether #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #Parenting #GeneralParenting #longcovid #CheckInWithMe #Bekind #Blessed #grateful

It's so important to remind ourselves that we are enough .When we are struggling or on the harder days and when we are feeling just too overwhelmed , we have to try remind ourselves that we are strong , we're doing great ,we are enough.

When we have things going on in our lives on top of our own daily struggles wether it's physically,mentally ,emotionally or even all even being able to sometimes just do something which may seem small can be so difficult and challenging but it's progress and we should be proud of ourselves for getting through it or managing to do it no matter how small it may seem.
After having so much much going on past 6 weeks with my health struggles, getting a new house having to sort it all decorate full thing myself and do all the packing and moving ,then settling us in , trying to get kids settled and into a routine and all the joys of unpacking while feeling like I'm living out of bags and boxes and living in a riot on top on being in pain constantly and my usual daily struggles I'm really trying to remind myself just exactly how much I've done and that I should be proud of myself.
I am still struggling with believing this all myself ,and knowing im doing my best all the time but I am trying 😊

We have to take the time for self care to make sure we reset ♥️😊
#MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #longcovid #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #narcissist #AloneTogether #Endometriosis #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #PTSD #Parenting #GeneralParenting

I'm feeling so content right now , and very positive ☺. To be ending this year decorating our new home and getting it all sorted for us to move in and get settled just feels amazing ♥️Afte rather past 6 months which had been hell & at times I thought things were never going to get better to now be able to get the keys to our very own forever home ,decorate it and get it all sorted for us to move into in a few weeks 😀 getting our little Coco and helping her get better, for the first time in a very long time I am feeling excited and happy .I'm actually enjoying all the decorating even though its alot of hard work myself but it's an amazing feeling seeing it all come together and being able to be excited and look forward now 😊 hopefully this will be the start of an amazing year and things will continue to go good ( even though I'm still really struggling health wise ,but I'm actually dealing with it all alot better now even on the bad days )

Hope you all had a lovely Christmas and a Happy New Year to all you Mighties 😊 😘 ❤

#MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Insomnia #Upallnight #SkinCancer #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #loveyourself #GeneralParenting #Parenting #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #AloneTogether #PTSD

Well this week has eventually just gotten too much for me ,was meant to get the keys to our new house this week and 3 times half hour before due to collect its been cancelled, the house is needing fully painted and is a bit of a riot , I had been planning to start it all right away .Because we're moving to it from temporary accommodation I have to get everything for the house ,all furniture, flooring,paint,everything plus for myself and kids that we need as nothing is provided by the house no white goods,flooring nothing .
I had arranged to get things that were being given away from free by a van and have now lost all them due to them cancelling me getting the keys today ,I ahd bene promising the kids they would se etheir new home each day as I was expecting tk get the keys and to get them excited for it too to only have to be told no again and feel like I'm disappointing them Iver and over again.Its now 3 days to Christmas she's said I will get them today but I am not holding my breath.I had been so excited and looking forward to getting it started and now I just feel completely deflated.The fact of everything that we've bene through past 6 months ,having to be in temporary accommodation and the kids constantly asking how long we're here,feeling frustrated because it's not our home and can't be settled to then for the past 7 weeks be told we're actually getting our own house and going to bed every night this week thinking that tomorrow will be the day we get the keys and can finally have a fresh start to then keep being let down has just gotten too much and ruined all the excitement I had with it .I am praying I get them later today (it's 1am here)
But I have lost all hope that I will which then means it will be another 2 weeks before I would due to the holidays and everything being closed .

#MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #narcissist #AloneTogether #Endometriosis #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #COVID19 #longcovid #Parenting #GeneralParenting

This is our new little family member Coco 💜🐶 ,she is only 9 weeks old and is so tiny ,she fits in my hand .She was neglected and treated horribly , she had skin issues due to poor care , she was severely underweight and malnourished,she also had infections due to the lack of care and abuse she endured,the vet said had I not taken her and got her the medicine and care she needed she wouldn't have made it much longer. She is still very timid and has a long way to go to be a healthy happy little pup but the difference in her already from just having lots of love and care is massive.She has started getting excited now when I walk into the room, she is coming over to me and snuggles in to fall asleep showing she's started to trust me and feel safe.Her skin has all more or less cleared up and she's showing more signs everyday that she is becoming more alert and more comfortable and settled with us .It breaks my heart that anyone could do this to animals and treat them so horribly.But I am so glad we have her now and hopefully shel be better and healthy in no time & it feels amazing now that we have her and are moving into our new home 💜🐶
#Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Insomnia #Upallnight #SkinCancer #Endometriosis #COVID19 #longcovid #loveyourself #GeneralParenting #Parenting #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD

So after a good few days with new excruciating pain in my side and back I went to hospital lastnight ,I have a severe kidney infection ,and dehydration after getting fluids etc I managed to talk them in to allowing me hone to rest as its the little ones birthday tomorrow, I have enough going on and I'm back I next week for few more skin cancer biopsies. So have even given antibiotics, hydration sachets , and more painkillers.if it doesn't improve in 48 hours I have to go back in .So I am on strict bed rest and to be honest I can barely move I'm doubled over In pain so couldn't do anything even if I wanted to.

Feel so fed up ad it's just constant health issues ,my body is already weak and not strong enough to fight this infection which is why its worse.

Just feel very overwhelmed with the things I already struggle with and now this.

I am physically and mentally drained .

#MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #narcissist #AloneTogether #Endometriosis #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #GeneralParenting #Parenting #PTSD

Just when I thought things couldn't get worse ! After over a year of issues with the neighbour and constant trouble (not involving me in specific )but obviously it does as its been constant and trouble and police incidents, her car was blown up and set on fire other night and we had to be evacuated out the house in the middle of the night.kids are absolutely terrified as am I. Doc has prescribed me stronger tablets to help with sleeping and able to relax due to how bad I am right now.We can't live at our home anymore now due to it and the kids go back to school in 2 days.Weve been put in a b&b (which is horrendous)justnow and no where near our home, I currently have a small sofa in the room infront of the door so I can feel safe with the kids due to the type of place this is.But I am grateful to have somewhere.this is until can get a temporary accommodation.I thought my depression qnd anxiety was bad before this but this is on a whole new level,attacks,nightmares, flashbacks,constantly anxious .I feel like I'm such a failure for the fact my kids are having to go through this.i just feel absolutely numb now and don't think I can take anything else.

#MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Toxic #Abuse #youmatter #beyou #loveyourself #Bekind #Insomnia #SkinCancer #narcissist #AloneTogether #Endometriosis #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #COVID19 #longcovid