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So tired

I can't get to sleep early enough but once I do, I just can't get up! I sleep the days away! I've tried everything to change my circadian rhythm but to no avail. Help?

#Fibromyalgia #can 't wake up #circadian rhythms

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¡ "10 Million Voice's... That's All I Hear Daily At My Job... !"... #Thought 's #Voice 's

¿" To Be Fully Honest With All Of You... My Job Take's Alot Out Of Me Physically And Mostly Mental.. I Have Maybe 10 Co-worker's I Have To Deal With And 2 Bosse's.. And Not To Mention The Customer's... People On Here On The Mighty Think That I'm Being A Bit Much... But I'm Honsetly Not... People Just Need To Not Be So Up Tight About Everything.. Especially The Management... If They Are This Paranoid About Every Little Thing That Someone Doe's Diffrent.. Then They Are The Issue Not Me.. I Have Been Very Nice And Kind And Helpful.. I Deal With Alot.. It's Just Now I Feel Like I Work Less... And Then They Get Mad When Someone Is Not Constantly Doing Something Every Minute.. Tbh There Isn't Much To Do At A Restaurant Especially When There Are No Customer's... At A Time Rate... We Can't Stand Around But Then Again People In The Back Do It All The Time... I'm A Punching Scape Goat To These People All The Time... But I Alway's Find Something To Do.. Because I Really Can't Deal Being Yelled At All The Time... It's A Huge Trigger.. I Can NEVER Make People Happy Anywhere... Yes I Might Be Complaining Too Much.. But It's Just Bottled Up Trauma.. From People.. Especially Coming Face To Face With My Abuser.. Since I Have Been Here.. And That's Hard Enough To Deal With... I Can't Sleep My Brain Is Alway's Negative On How I'm Goung To Lose My Job And My Apartment All The Time.. It's Draining... I Sometime's Have Postive Day's... Tonight's Just Not The Night... Idk Why People Have Turned Into Complaining About Everything At Work... It's Like They Are Misrable.. Atleast At My Old Store I Alway's Had Fun Day's... And My Customer's Loved Me... " ? #Thought 's #can 't Sleep ☆▪︎▪︎☆ SKADI KVITRAVN☆▪︎▪︎☆


The Big “D”

Struggling today with Depression-I have some energy & motivation, but feel like crying and going back to bed.

Luckily I’m still rational enough at this moment to recognize my emotions as depression-can’t always recognize the D-bag for what it is.

So, I’m just doing my day, ignoring the haze of helplessness Depression is throwing my way today. Faking it until I make it-best way to deal with the big D sometimes.

Also already did some positivity homework this morning, will get sunshine, will move my body, and will meditate today. When big D creeps back into my awareness, it’s time to dig into more self-care and compassion.

#EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Depression #can ’tWalk#ChronicPain

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I Need to Tell Someone #can I Share?

Hello, all. What's on my mind, Tonite? So much. I can't share with the Support Groups that I belong to. It's too personal. Too scary. Too real. Too, depressing.

I have come to find that I have quite a few Genetic Defects. I might have looked almost perfect when I was born, but within my first 2 years, I was already quite different. My Momma had not long ago, lost a brother of mine, to a mysterious newborn "failure to thrive" condition.

Three years later, while she was pregnant with me, she tried very hard to be a good Vessel. But, my date was already written, in the chromosomes of her ancestors. Surely, she knew about those babies, or children, or adults, who grew up with unusual traits, and complaints. But, I think she feared that She, and I, would be cast away, for our differences.

She, only had a few very light symptoms.
But, Me? I had a few. Then, I had several more. Then, I had a bunch.

I guess she thought that if she didn't acknowledge them, I might not dwell on them, or be more afflicted.

That worked, until I was in my 30's, and all those strange conditions started to creep up on me.

Now, I am 61. She is 10 years passed. I've lost my marriage, my close contact to my kids, (now 28 and 31). I've no home, no friends, no life.

I wonder, if I had known what I was facing, would it have made me have more resolve? Maybe I would have taken my own choices more seriously.

It's hard to know.
But, I wish I could have had a choice.


I'm lost?

My email tells me about an article or story. There's a picture that says "read now" with an arrow. I click but it doesn't take me to the article, just the general The Mighty page. I #can 'tfind the article even if I search the author's name.

See full photo

#mental Health #Borderline Personality Disorder #Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder #SuicidalThoughts

Who am I? A question I frequently ask myself. I know what roles I play in my everyday life but as far as knowing who I am has always plaqued my mind. #can You Relate #Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder #I Am Not My Diagnosis


New Week- Venting #hurting #Positivity #Loneliness #Forgiveness

Can anyone share why is it when you try to reach out and apologize that people instead see it as a sign for weakness and choose to attack you and verbally abuse you? If a person is big enough to apologize then others should be big enough to just say, I cannot move past this and move on? Don't continue to spread Hate and Abuse, why oh why is this the new Normal?
#can 'tstophurting


Depressing post alert

I finally called my gp today to get an appointment. Should have really done this sooner but I had given up on meds in March, lost my job 3 months before in December, and just didn't see the point. The meds were no longer effective, and the list of things I'm struggling with can't be fixed with a pill is how I've been looking at it. I can't just go back in time and not lose my job, I can't see my family, I tried messaging my mum but she ignored me, my sisters live far away. Don't have anyone (in real life) that I can confide in. I actually don't belong anywhere.

Well I've been getting worse and worse, lost all hope or motivation and I struggle with my mind so much that I literally stay in my bed, I sleep as MUCH as possible just so can avoid these horrible recurring thoughts. Thoughts of all my mistakes, beating myself up so much. I don't understand why I've let myself get so far from where I could have been. I dunno.. But my life is a literal waste.

Back then I was taking sertraline but they have changed my medication, so now it's citalopram.
You know when you look at that little pill and are wishing that it contains a miracle, here's to trying one more time to find something that works. I'm not confident that this medication will even work, but if I drift any further, suicide will be my answer. And then there's the thought that even if I do 'feel' better doesn't change what I've lost. And I really can't forget or let go.

I keep telling myself to look after my health, the same way that I'd advise a friend who was struggling with the same issues. But the road seems endless, I've already lost what was important to me how can I do this? I don't know, but I'm going to try one more time. I don't wish this illness on anyone. How can I find purpose and be less alone, when I feel I've let myself down this much?

If you got to the end of that, then sorry, and thanks.

#BPD #Depression #lost #can 'tgoback


Continuous #Pain #Heartache #defeat #lost

Hard to motivate myself with out my babies. Tried so hard for sobriety and change & even while clean ,in a program & housing where you raise your babies she was taken away.... Was strong in recovery for a few months after and now I've fallen and can't get up. Now court & trial is coming up fast for my middle child and I feel defeated & stale getting through the days slowly and unhappy and terribly lost without my littles. My social worker is inexperienced and rather go against me and then with me helping my kids and helping me help my kids and being with them. The effects of not mothering them hurts to a painfully crippling speed...
#mcfd #can #suck #It


Suggestions for therapy journal entries? #Therapy #Communication #Suicide #Anxiety #Depression #Writing #Journal

I need to write a journal entry for my therapy appointment tomorrow. I haven't written any this past week (it's part of my goal for communication disorder and anxiety. Since I have trouble talking to anyone but my kids and hubby, I wore instead. Then I read to her and it's easier to go from there). I've had so much going on, but it feels like everything, epilepsy, suicidal tendencies, anxiety, depression, problems at home, etc, just repeats over and over. (I do write about good things too). It takes me 2-4 hours to write a couple pages. I don't know where to begin this time! #Therapy #Journal #Anxiety #suicidal #Depression #Epilepsy #confused #can 't think