Christian

I am grieving right now. I’m grieving the loss of a damaging, unhealthy, and harmful friendship, but a friendship I held close to all the same. I’m grieving the loss of the familiar life I used to have, a life my old friend played a massive role in. I’m grieving myself, as it relates to this sudden and profound change in my life. In short, right now I feel like my foundation has cracked underneath me, and I’m falling.

And to make matters worse, the grief has reignited a firestorm of mental and physical health challenges, from stomach pain and weakness to a profound state of depression and lifelessness. I don’t want to eat, I sleep too much, and I feel a constant pit of emptiness in the center of my chest. Grief is a beast. It’s a jarring, painful reminder that this world isn’t how God intended it to be; a reminder of all that sin has wrecked upon His creation. And when you have Borderline Personality Disorder, like I do, the pain of grief can feel like you’re living a nightmare.

My emotions swing from rage from the betrayal I suffered, to a deep loneliness after adjusting to a world without my ex-friend, to a sense of relief the toxicity is finally over. I’ve learned to treat my emotions like weather. Florida’s weather, that is. If you live in Florida, you know the weather can change on a dime. My emotions work similarly. In the afternoon, I’m experiencing anger and indignation. In the evening, I’m feeling lonely and I’m facing crying spells. Just as a Floridian must prepare for an upcoming thunderstorm or a hurricane, I too must prepare for the pain of the day. And I do that by anchoring myself onto God, the only One Who will truly never leave or abandon us.

When a storm approaches, sailors put down an anchor so that their boats are not toppled over by the approaching tempest. The anchor doesn’t stop the storm from approaching; that’s entirely out of the sailor’s control. But what the anchor does is make it so that the boat can withstand the storm’s beatings and tumult without toppling over or sinking. When we are grieving, or going through a massively painful storm, we must anchor ourselves in God and in His Word.

"I know the LORD is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.” — Psalm 16:8, NLT

##Perhaps right now, as you read these words, you’re being pummeled by the storm above you. The rains rages on, and there’s no sunshine in sight. No matter how terrible in every way the storm is, and no matter how tragic your situation is, God is here for you, desiring to be your Anchor. Nothing else in this world can provide the solid foundation that you deserve. You need Someone Who can be there for you through thick and thin, without leaving you or abandoning you (Hebrews 13:5). God wants that for you. So anchor yourself along with me and let’s weather the storm together. I believe, despite the emotional pain I’m in right now as I read these words, that one day the clouds will part and the rain will cease — and that you’ll be here with me.

#Addiction #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Grief #Loneliness #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Relationships #Christian #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #MightyTogether #CheckInWithMe

I'm looking for Christian Female friends because I only have like 1 and a sister just needs some more emotional support fr 💯😩the struggle is real🥲…Hi🥹💗 #Friendship #Makingfriends #Christian #Emotionalsupport #bored #ADHD #PTSD #Jesus

Just wanted to get this dice rolling! How has your day been? :)) #Christian #Healing #Jesus

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” The first four years of my life I grew up in a home with a father addicted to drugs and alcohol; he would steal the little money my Mom made to fuel his addictions. He eventually became homeless and one night managed to break into our little apartment and physically and emotionally harmed us. So, he went to jail, and my Mom managed to get a divorce from him. My little girl heart broke when I first visited my father in jail. No one told me I was in jail but because of all the Mexican soap operas I had seen, I knew I was visiting a jail. No one ever asked me how I was feeling or acknowledged my pain. Sometime later, my Mother -a single-mother- met a man who moved in with us. I loved and admired him simply for being my "step-father," but as I grew up he began to groom me. I quickly learned that he had deep evil intentions when I noticed he was quick to seek revenge from individuals who "did him wrong." With that information, my eleven year old self decided to remain silent and to undergo all the suffering he put me through in order to protect my beloved family members, near and far. At thirteen, they split for a while and my grades suffered terribly. I went from an A/B student to a D/F student. I truly hated my life and would cry myself to sleep every.single. night. I would talk to God while crying and tell him that although my biological Father had abandoned me and my stepfather had betrayed me at least I had God, my true father. The Lord answers prayers. That same year was my first suicide attempt. I told no one. The only reason why I didn't go through it was because God sent an immense surge of hope through my body as I contemplated the beautiful sun's rays in my uncle's yard. God has never been silent in my life. Fast forward, my Mom and this Man decide to restart their relationship again. Three more years of living with that man until he finally left. "What a relief," I thought, " I can forget about the past and start over." So, I forgot about the dark past and just went through life. I was completely unaware of the unforgiveness, anger, pain, and hate that had brewed inside my heart, especially against men. Whether I was aware of it or not, these wounds dictated my world view and behavior. I had so much anxiety trusting that God truly loved me and had a beautiful plan for my life. In high school, these traumas opened me up to disordered behaviors, which thanks be to God I didn't follow through with those behaviors. My healing began at a Catholic Charismatic retreat in Norwalk, California. Through the weekly formation meetings, I learned the truths of my faith and those truths helped me get through college: "YOUR FATHER IS THE KING AND YOU ARE HIS PRINCESS." The St. John of God Spanish community taught me how to read my bible, lectio divina, the commandments, basically, they formed me and it set my heart on fire. Fast forward again, I am starting my career, frequenting the sacraments, and begin to experience unreasonable anxiety to the point that I don't want to leave home. The Lord has a plan. I spoke to my confessor and he suggested I see catholic therapy services. I was adamant. Why do I need to see a therapist? I AM FINE! (LOL). Well, five years of good therapy and spiritual direction flew by fast. I became more myself, more active in my community, grew my social circle, I found myself! God has a plan. I am still being healed. Not where I was before, but definitely more who God made me to be at this point. Enough of my story for now.

So I work part time at a retail store 🏬 and I’m having trouble. I’m not exactly sure whom I can trust and whom I can’t. My hours recently were reduced from around 25 to 15 and I inquired as to why. It’s a long story but as usual we have a store manager and two assistant managers, well I don’t exactly trust one of the assistant managers. Mostly because I bumped heads with the male assistant manager. I was having a manic episode day. I am diagnosed with
#Bipolar disorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #genralized anxiety disorder #OppositionalDefiantDisorder ,and so I got snippy with him. And I got wrote up all the while another employee literally almost came to blows with a customer,and she didn’t get wrote up at all. But the crazy part is I was told by pretty much all the managers I do a great job. I’m also currently working on getting social security disability. I do have a disability attorney and I’m scheduled for my second hearing involving my case in February. But it is causing me to stay in a state of constant anxiety 😥. I’m already a hypochondriac who fears death ☠️. And in conjunction with my other disorders, this added stress and anxiousness at work definitely isn’t helping matters at all. Which is why I’m pitching and pleading my case with social security to award me a disability check. Sorry just wanted to vent somewhere. And I’m 38 years old and I know that I’m expected to act like a adult and except that life isn’t fair. And that people especially (supervisors) are and can talk to you like a child or a dog and you have to accept it because you have a family and bills to pay. But with my mentality I absolutely despise authority figures to begin with cue you guessed it #OppositionalDefiantDisorder . Because of the aforementioned reasons listed above I don’t like being treated like that so I act out. I’m repeatedly told that it’s a part of life and it won’t change. But look at systemic racism and how things were 65/75 years ago. We have work to do still but a change was made. So my mind can’t process or understand why we can’t prevent authority figures from being hateful and employers from treating people like crap, and using termination and bill paying as a means of control. #Christian And the crazy part is I have no problem surrendering to God the God of the Bible. Jesus Christ I will obey but human authority figures nah I’d rather be equal 🟰 in authority so that they can’t terminate me or control me in a workplace. Meaning if they act ugly towards me I can then go sit down and not work and get paid and can’t be fired,wrote up,or hours get reduced this will aid in teaching them to be polite or respectful. And before anyone mentions it yes I know that that mentality is childish and ungodly as I’ve said I LOVE JESUS CHRIST AND GOD VERY MUCH! I don’t tell others what to believe or anything I respect everyone personal choices I still show genuine love and respect for others opinions and their persons because Jesus didn’t force himself on others and neither will I. But I believe these employers and supervisors need a dose of their own medicine. I’m definitely not trying to be ugly in my behavior it’s just so frustrating to me. Using the fact that people have to work and earn a paycheck to survive as a means of control all the while treat you badly is unfair. 80/90 years ago people of color were abused and we went to segregated schools,bathrooms, ordered food tne rear of the restaurant. We changed that mindset and behavior but modern day society allows employers and it’s managerial staff can’t mistreat us and control us but oh no we can’t fix that problem that’s why I get so angry at work and in life. And on the day of the incident I was walking away from the manager I had a issue with because when he approached me and asked the question “have you been in toys the whole time “ because my job is to straighten up and organize the products on the shelves, I know that it seems like a innocuous innocent question right? But there was a implication that I had neglected the other sections in the store and focused solely on one section when I had a witness that I was in another section of the store re straightening some products on the shelf. He had implied well i haven’t seen you! And when he snapped back at me I proceeded to walk away from him stating that under the law I’m entitled to reasonable accommodation and needed 5 minutes to collect myself to address him civil like and respectfully and was told that the reasonable accommodation rule didn’t apply in that situation. Again sorry I needed to vent in a safe space

Hello im new Here and I want to talk and be entertaining With Someone

My nephew is in the military. Im concerned about all the news of war. I can’t avoid the news at work with TV screens everywhere. Ugh. Please pray for peace and conversion of hearts. 🙏🏼

I'm struggling with over spiritualizarion. Well meaning people see the darkness on my face and offer their two cents, "Just pray more," "Just give it to Jesus," "Just read more Scripture, "Just let go and let God." I struggle against these clichés.

What they don't know is that I was a pastor before I came here. What they don't know is I used spiritual disciplines to try to overcome my addictions and trauma. What they don't know is the years I spent training and practicing in ministry and even deliverance ministry. What they don't know is how many years of sever neglect and abuse I've endured.

Yes, Jesus is all powerful. Yes, Jesus is all knowing. Yes, Jesus is ever-present. But what do I do with this AND the deep depths of depression that make living a challenge? What do I do with this AND the silence that meets me as I cry out in desperation? What do I do with this AND the overwhelming pain and fear as I relive the flashbacks.

I have done prayer and fasting and studies. I have done Christ-Centered 12-step recovery groups. I have done therapy and medication. I have fought and tried and surrendered and suffered. After all of this, someone who hasn't walked with me sees the shadow on my face and tells me how I'm not doing enough - read more, pray more, serve more, etc. People always have an answer when they've never walked in your shoes.

I'm tired. I'm worn out. I struggle with my faith. I'm angry at the shell I've become. Where is Jesus in this? I struggle to see.
#Christian #PTSD #Depression