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Lost a friend I adored #PTSD #artheals #Reflection #apoligized #trees #wrongwords #avm #congenital #calm

I lost a friend.Not by death.He said to walk.Ive traumatized him because of my own cptsd.Im in treatment and therapy.This person picked me up at my lowest.Called almost daily for weeks.Two years later with multiple diagnosis.But for months now, hurled insult after insult at me.When questioned why?He explodes.Then I rationalize and stay friends.I spent two years confiding,venting,crying,laughing and encouraging him for years prior.We had an appreciation for eachother at one point.I showed him my most vulnerable truths.I never imagined,at my age, someone would say the things he has said.He defends how much he cares for me but won't take accountability for making believe I had support from him.He stopped asking about my life or health.Minimum contact other than txt.I stopped asking about future plans as friends.He Let me know how wonderful the other women in his life were.After saying he's too busy for me.On three occasions,he tried being spontaneous to meet up.I called him on it.Said yes.Where are you! He would Immediately change me into a two or three weeks routine.Rushed over a coffee and hour of his life.Telling me over and over how he has no time.His stressors and triggers on full display because I trigger him he took almost a year to see his masks drop.The past year was embarrassing to watch.Munipulation is very transparent to a person whos lived it from childhood a fault.Even with candor and grace,people do not like to admit it.I ask and value the truth at all times from people in my life.I have had to learn everyone lies to a degree.Including myself.I feel and see the motive and is sad to watch someone blatantly try to set you up,deny,backtrack,
project and blame.I'm no longer putting that expectation on those closest to me.I know so much more than I silence before was for others protection.I have to look out for myself first and only.I have my son and my spouse.A friendship.A of my life.We still have our stories and how it started.A journey.We didn't go out of our way to hurt eachother meanness.We protected eachother.Pick the other up when needed.We made a home.A safe home for everyone.We might be passively aggressive at times.We still have a fight for eachother.Once ego falls.We laugh.And can laugh at eachothers lives.We lived it together.He would never say those things out of enemies would never say those things.
Instead of expressing how he felt and is over.I realized he didn't want the friendship and had been trying fir a long time to get me to end it.I kept hoping I had a real friend, like me.I am sensitive not weak.I have endured too much despair in a short time.I wont be screamed at.I wont be belittled or disrespected with name-calling or insults of my family.The arragance,to deny ones owns faults to a friend, sets the other to question All intent.What is an apology if its not real.Its a shows intent to hurt the other again and again.There is no one is spared in his rage towards me.

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These are my precious furry companions. Do you have any fur companions that are your life?

Wow this time I was able to post a picture and they're together. In foreground is Gracie 13 yo we've been together for 12 1/2 years. The black blob at the top left is Merlin 9 yo I adopted him 2 years ago. He was considered unadoptable bc he's a black cat, overweight (20) lbs & has feline asthma. He was 20 lbs when I adopted him and weights the same no matter what I try. These furry creatures are my life. Gracie is my cuddle bunny after we lost both her fursisters (within 4 months of each other) who she grew up with, she literally stayed with me for the times I just cried for days. I felt badly for her bc she would search for her sisters everytime we had a shared time like meals or nitenite treats. So I got Merlin. No background on him,he's vocal loves the sounds of kittens crying makes biscuits while trilling hated being picked up no cuddling. I Taught him to use an inhaler for his asthma attacks. He recently had mini stroke, his personality changed for the better. Now likes to cuddle, calls for Gracie when it's nitenite treats or if he sees me outside or it's 5 minutes past time to eat he meows pitifully. Thank goodness for them.
#ADHD #Anxiety #Arthritis #Fibromyalgia #Gout #Osteoporosis #Osteopenia
#congenital Kyphosis #PeripheralNeuropathy
#Bastrop Syndrome
#bone spurs
#Reynards Syndrome
#Shingles # Shoulder impingement Syndrome
#spinal stenosis #Cataracts

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“You’re Too Young to be That Sick”

I am wondering if there are younger people like me (20s-40s) navigating what it’s like to have a disability. I have a myriad health issues and new things keep coming up. I was ruled disabled a couple years ago and then was able to get back to gainful unemployment. However, it’s come back up again with new diagnoses.

I feel so overwhelmed with the body I live in. It hurts and is exhausting. I’ve met some incredible people in my life that I hope I can continue to foster relationships with. But because I still have some needs, I know finding friends or support who also live with chronic health issues would be an amazing place to find peace.

I would love to chat with people all over the world, so that we don’t have to struggle alone.
#Fibromyaliga #HypermobileTypeEDS #murcs association #congenital #Scoliosis #AdrenalInsufficiency #BipolarDepression #CPTSD #Insomnia #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder

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FATIGUE! #ChronicIllness #mitochondrial disease

Trying to just push on with your life when you have a debilitating chronic illness with crippling fatigue is like trying to limp along the freeway on a flat tire. How can I ever get better with no energy?
#ChronicIllness #MitochondrialDisease #ChronicFatigue #Fibromyalgia #congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia #RareDiseases

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Curious Children

I was born w/ #congenital facial bone anomalies. I've had many reconstructive surgeries & am generally happy w/ my appearance. Recently I started volunteering as a reader at a preschool. It's been a really great experience! Today, student asked me what was wrong w/ my face and told me "eyes are supposed to be close together, not spread apart" then asked if his eyes looked like mine. I'm no stranger to this comment, especially from kids, they are genuinely curious. I gave him my typical response "I was #BornThisWay " to which he replied, "Oh, I was born this way" (pointed to his own face).

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