i’ve spent most of the pandemic wrapped up in dissociation, nothing could touch me and when those feelings of loneliness and depression tried to creep up, i pushed them down with weed and booze to numb the pain.
i’ve recently begun to come out of the darkness and be more social; i’ve even joined 2 improv classes, gone to some shows and have booked a 5min slot at an open mic night at a comedy club! i mean, just reading this has made me feel proud of myself ☺️
the thing is, i can’t dissociate for these things; they require me to be in the ‘here and now’. which leads me to feelings, those oh-so-intense feelings!
so here i am, manically laugh-bawling - yes, it’s exactly how it sounds; i’m simultaneously laughing and crying with my whole body, consumed with misery, and laughing at myself for it, like some twisted person, who get their jollies from other people’s pain.
like, who does that? 🤪
the good news is that writing this has been really therapeutic as the moment seems to have passed!
dbt distraction technique: 1
breana’s bpd mind-fuck: 0
Self soothing Saturday
DBT: Skills, Distress Tolerance
Conflict with Others? Try, Interpersonal Effectiveness