fibromaylgia

I have to be in bed by 6pm because I just can't take the pain anymore. I work so hard to get to 6 and still feel like a loser when everyone else in my family is getting together for fun. # # #chronicillness
#ChronicPain
#RheumatoidArthritis
#BackPain
#SpinalFusion
#SpinalStenosis
#somuchmore
#fibromaylgia
#Constantpain

#fibromaylgia

I guess it's normal to feel this way. I've been taken medications and doing things to help myself feel as good as I can. For me, good means not being in (much) pain, not being overly sleepy, and not having any/much depressive/anxious feelings. I'd say 4-5 out of 7 days a week since I got settled in my current meds for #Narcolepsy , #fibromaylgia and #Bipolar2Disorder are "good" or "ok" days. But those other 2-3 days are heavy.

Today was rough. I ran out of ritalin and won't have any till Monday at best. So I was in and out of naps all day. I want to be awake. But my eyes, my body wouldn't let me. I took my #Lyrica late and have also run out of #cymbalta so I was slow and achey all day. I took my #Latuda but since I feel so physically bad, I think #Depression is kicking in as a result.

My doctor doesn't know why my vision is suddenly so blurry. I'm worried.

I pushed myself too hard. Did some heavy cleaning despite the pain and I REALLY need to learn how not to do that. I'm regretting it heavily now. I'm hurting a lot. I hope I can sleep.

I still don't have a medicine for anxiety specifically. I'm frustrated.

It's just been an * a lot" day...

I am super proud of myself because I was able to push through major physical pain and still made a really lovely Thanksgiving dinner for my husband and my daughter! At times the pain in my back and legs was so excruciating that I could barely stand up, but I wanted to show them that I love and appreciate them so I forged through and did it! Yay me! (So for gloating...I barely cook for us because of how hard it is. ) also, I am super grateful for all the wonderful support I've gotten here at the mighty. I wish I could have had you all to dinner...now that would truly have been awesome!❤🦃🍞🥧🍶❤💪🤗

Hope is hard to keep when the pain doesn't stop. Having a chronic illness sucks, it's not cancer, not something a surgery can fix, not something anything can fix. No cure. Not even a guaranteed thing that helps. Good days are few and far between, and after a good day comes an even worse day. There are so many resources out there saying they can help, and they can. But putting in the effort to try and be better takes energy many of us don't have. And there is no guarantee that the precious burning of that energy is even worth it.
But what's the alternative? Do we give in because it's too much? Do we lie down and never get up? I don't believe there is shame in that, but it shouldn't be our destiny.
All we can do for sure, my love, is endure. Endure with me, live each day with a grumpy smile and the knowledge that though it may suck, it is still a day where you are here. Endure it. Embrace what good there is. Show up, in sweat pants with greasy hair, pain in every bone, but show up. Be alive. Endure this pain, this tiredness, this hopelessness, this life. Endure it, because there will be an end. One day there will be no pain. Endure. Endure. Endure. Live, my love. Even without hope, you can endure. Look to the sky, the rain, the flowers, the snow, the children, look to what good this life has. And be glad to see it. It is not taken from you. Endure.

I say
"I'm hurting & don't have the energy."
They reply
"but you don't look sick.
Could you be more specific?"
"Yes, okay, I can't hold my own weight & collapse."
They say
"but you're not fat,
it must be mental,
seems like you just need to relax"

I hear their judgements,
hear their negative words,
just like their curious minds have rehearsed.
"What's wrong with her?
I don't see her curse,
She seems like she's just making herself worse."

Don't ever tell me I don't look sick,
it hurts so much, cuts too deep...
It's as if you've thrown me in a ditch.
I'm alone, misunderstood & misdiagnosed
They don't see my illness,
no matter how deep it goes.

The reality is they wouldn't be able to deal,
if they ever did see my pain,
because then,
they would know I'd never heal
& they'd finally realise just how
much I really feel.

The worst thing is I do have signs of the physical, but they are on my skin, in my organs & under clothing material.

Now when I hear
"but you don't look sick."
I smile whilst thinking
"It's none of your business,
you insensitive prick."

I hope all of you who deal with this can relate & smile about it.
Don't let it get you down.. talk about it with pride & bring awareness to their closed minds. ❤️🙏🏾

#ChronicPain #fibromaylgia #classicaledsdiagnosis #EDSAwareness #Misdiagnosis #StillUndiagnosed #RareDisease #InvisibleIllness #ChronicFatigueImmuneDeficiencyDisorder #profoundfatigue

#BodelinePersonality #bullied #Depression #fibromaylgia
I have been getting this really upsetting dreams lately, and its mostly from times in my past where I was really bullied. School, army, work. I wake up upset and so anxious that im shaking and sweating all feel so real.

I met this really nice guy, and he really cares. We talk about our problems. At times I really like him, and times I just want to push him away! Am I fucking crazy? What is wrong with me?

Im currently looking after my mom in South Africa as she had 2 operations , and there is not really mental health assistance here, and the gp just give me my meds I got from my gp in the UK give me.

Is there anyone on here that can advise who I can speak to in South Africa?

Desperate❤️