cancersurvivor

Having a hard day today.
I listened to the lie in my head all weekend that resting would help. Sleeping would help. While resting & sleeping help to some degree, literally staying in bed for the majority of 48 hours is not something that helps. I work full-time and tell myself that I can have one day of the weekend to recover... It's just the past two weekends I've spent the majority of the weekend in my room sleeping for the most part. Of course that over abundance of sleeping left me taking Tylenol PM last night at 11:00 pm so that I wouldn't be staring at the ceiling in the wee hours of the night. It put me to sleep all right... But I woke up feeling like a zombie this morning.
I dragged myself out of bed because my husband's ostomy bag needed to be changed. He survived bladder cancer over the past year and a half. Ended up having to replace the ostomy bag twice (the first time it leaked between the barrier ring and his stoma).
I've made it to work at this point. Albeit an hour and 6 minutes late, but I made it. The old me would have stayed home and stayed in bed all day. Thinking eventually my mood swing would switch to the positive side. I'm proud of myself for going to work. I feel there are a lot of extenuating circumstances that are hitting me left and right lately. Will my husband's bladder cancer come back? He had his one year CT scan this morning. My mother in law passed away less than one month ago and while we weren't close, it's still the only Mom my husband ever had. We will be traveling later this month to her funeral. I have type 2 diabetes that I put on the back burner while my husband went through chemotherapy & cancer appointments. I'm just starting to get my Type 2 diabetes back on track. I have a check in with my endocrinologist this Wednesday. Oh... And then there's the never ending Generalized Anxiety Disorder that rears its ugly head time and time again. It's a definite combo of Anxiety and Depression. One that I manage successfully most of the time. I just need to go back to putting some structure into my weekends so that I don't succumb to "resting" all weekend. Well... Since I am at work (at the County Attorney's Office) I suppose I should get moving on being productive today. Thank you for reading. If you read all of this, can you leave me a short comment? It will help me feel like I'm not just venting to the Ethernet. Thank you in advance! 💞 #Anxiety #DepressionNaps #Depression #BladderCancer #cancersurvivor

I am slowly healing mentally and physically after fighting cancer for 3 years and dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have approximately 5 years to live. I am 40 years old. I have two types of non Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I am healing. I am accepting my situation. And I’m letting love crumble my walls built from many of my past wounds. I am a fighter. And I will always be a survivor even when cancer takes my life. #cancersurvivor #cancerterminal #fighter #heal #lovemyself

I was actually told about this site by my therapist and it took a while to get it and then even longer to say anything. Im a 34 year old #mom #wife #MotherlessDaughter (thanks to suicide in 2003)
#cancersurvivor...and I also walk around with a face that says everything os A-Ok when I feel like Im falling apart. Thanks to the #BreastCancer. I had a double mastectomy and began Chemo and radiation and started the reconstruction process...I have had 12 operations due to complications with my body and not handling the surgeries well rejecting an implant 4 times, a major severe infection and so much more. I had said to every Dr I saw, that I was very scared of becoming addicted to the pain meds because addiction is on both sides od my family (its why my mom killed herself) anand they all PROMISED if it happens they will all be there.....it happened and NO ONE F*ING CARED. I became suicidal, tore my family completely apart and became someone I hated. I turned to a close family friend, *my moms best friend*who was is recovery and she turned her back on me. Eventually I hated myseld enough and I knew I didnt want to be this person anymore and I put myself into a recovery program and can now say Im getting back to my old self again, but I struggle everyday and its not wanting to pop pills or relapse its just depression & anxiety 24-7. My 93 year old grandma is my rock, my "mom", "my safeplace" is now on hospice with cancer EVERYWHERE. Everytime I see her I struggle because I dont want to live my life without her in it. Im so scared of losing the ONE person who truly knows and gets me. Watching her slowly die is so much harder than the way my Mom went. I am feeling so overwhelmed, sad, scared, alone, angry....so many different feelings and yet no one around me truly understands...Not even my Husband. I do t want to feel these feelings anymore...I want to be happy again but I have no idea how to get there again. I dont want to my gramz to die but I also dont want her to suffer....Im just numb & scared and I feel broken.
I just want to find some friends who TRULY understand how I feel and not just have the "get over it" attitude. Sorry for the word vomit, but hey I guess this would be the best place for it right??!?!?!