Whiplash

FIRST: I AM OK! Don’t worry about the title, I’ll explain. This is my last update about the friendship I decided to end. This is my 3rd update, you can find the other posts on my profile.

My last update, I said I did the hard thing and decided to end things and that he responded but I didn’t read it yet. Well, I read it later on that same day, and he got really abusive. He basically decided to gaslight me by putting horrible words in my mouth that I never said and down right insulting me. Because I was leaving, he wanted to tear me down first. I decided to be the bigger person, respond once more very kindly and not give into the awful energy he was creating and blocked him.

That night was rough, mostly because I expected a lot of things, but not verbal abuse. It was like whiplash. I had a short meltdown, and moved on. The best part? It’s only been a couple days and I’m already so much happier. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I stuck to my principles, chose my words carefully and chose kindness over hatred. Seeing the way he responded told me everything I needed to know about him, and it reassured me that I made the right choice.

If you start to get a weird feeling in your gut about someone and you don’t know why yet—trust it. It could save you from a bad relationship. Surround yourself with people who make you feel happy, loved, and seen.

#BipolarDisorder #MentalHealth #Selfcare

Ok so I saw 👀 my psychiatrist this morning and she is nothing but predictable she 🛑 my Xanax and gave me colonopin instead stopped my Zoloft and gave me Prozac. Then she sent me to have lab work done. I’m catching it rough and I’m at a job I hate I actually pray for someone to rear end my car every time I drive to work so I don’t have to go in. Like that’s how bad I hate my job! I don’t want to get paralyzed or anything but whiplash will work I can sue the person who hit me and it gives me a few days if not two weeks out of work. I know it’s wrong but I really wish I could utilize intimidation or threats to control the disability judges decision and force a approval for my disability so I don’t have to deal with people in a work environment. I am not a bad person I am just so sick of how life is going even though I’m severely afraid of dying I wish I was in heaven right now and not here because of all the 💩 I have to deal with. I’m scheduled to go to vocational rehabilitation services on April 3rd I pray they can help me find another job that’s not fast paced like my current one is and I know I sound like a jerk but I just can’t keep dealing with crap man I just can’t and people truly wonder why I have such a issue with authority figures gee I wonder why?

It’s a lonely condition—not being able to share what you go through with your friends because they see your struggles as having a bad day or going through a phase or a response to a specific thing that happened that week. What they don’t understand is that #ComplexPTSD is lifelong and can be triggered by a myriad of seemingly small things to other people, e.g. someone raising their voice with you. They don’t understand that because of auto-responses baked in your brain from childhood trauma, you can’t just meditate it away. A yoga class, while relaxing, doesn’t stop your amygdala from smacking you in the face with emotional whiplash. So you keep your bad days to yourself or your journal or communities like this where you hope your words will be heard by someone.

So I suffer from fibromyalgia, I was rear ended on Thursday (no one was really hurt but I have a serious case of whiplash i have been in so much pain even with my management meds I just want to scream at every touch. #Fibromyalgia

My name is Mita. I am a 42-year-old multidisciplinary artist and podcast hostess; a mother and a wife. I focus a lot on Pacing and Creative Coping strategies to get through my days with various chronic conditions.

Following a whiplash injury in 2015, is when my chronic pain/illness journey started. I’ve been diagnosed with whiplash, fibromyalgia, orthostatic intolerance/dysautonomia, chronic fatigue syndrome, occipital neuralgia and chronic migraines.

I am in pain every day. Some days my cognitive function is severely hampered due to Brain Fog. And P.E.M (Post-Exertional Malaise) can be a real stick in the wheel.

My baseline, on a good day, is a headache pain level 2-3, occipital neuralgia at a 2 and fibromyalgia pain level 4-5 (on the ‘In Office Doctor’s Pain Scale’) with migraine attacks every few days.

Since developing a chemical sensitivity, it makes the pain hard to control, as I cannot take most medications.

I experience Vertigo, muscle weakness and extreme fatigue on top of all the other crazy symptoms these conditions come with, and I am at a fall/faint risk if I am not careful.

Late fall, winter and early spring are the roughest months to get through, living in the Midwest as I am. But once the weather stabilizes and becomes warmer and if I have been prudent with my energy supply during the winter, then I can find myself living it up a little more during summer which is invigorating for the soul.

So, I am limited. Physically. This is my reality. I only have so much energy to go around and every day I need to pick and choose what I spend it on. I always have to keep in mind that I cannot overdraw my account. I need to balance my ‘checkbook’, if you will, to make sure I do not go down to zero, because I may not have enough to go around for the next day, or even the next couple of weeks if I do. But with Pacing I can lead a somewhat decent life.

ME-pedia describes Pacing as such: “…an activity management strategy to help ME/CFS patients limit the number and severity of relapses while remaining as active as possible…”

(Obviously, I am not perfect at Pacing as I find myself doing too much on occasions, due to getting impatient with my limitations. Overall, I’d say I do pretty well with it though.)

So, what do I choose to spend it on?  Well, some mundane tasks need to be done, like laundry or light cleaning, so I spread it out over a few days. I work within my boundaries which I have somewhat figured out via trial and error. This is part of Pacing. Ups and downs til you figure what You can handle.

I am a very lucky gal to have an extremely supportive husband and three children that help me with some of the heavier chores. The house would be in utter chaos if this was not the case.

When the mundane, pragmatic things have been taken care of, I choose to use my energy on the activities that fill me with contentment, keeps my anxiety levels down and overall contributes to a better state of mind. Whether they are Creative Coping Strategies, like painting, drawing, forest bathing, expressive writing, or just being with my family in the moment, or listening/making music (the latter depends fully on headache pain levels and brain fog but within my capacity, music will always have a part in my life).

I am also half of a duo in a podcast we have named Creative Copes where we talk about these exact things – A labor of love for ourselves and what we hope becomes an aid to others in similar situations. I save some extra energy for research and general podcast prep so I can co-host it, because the idealistic compassionate part of myself wants desperately for other people to feel less alone: a constant state of mind when stuck at home, in a body that does not compute anymore.

This is what I spend my energy on. Things that matter to me; that settle my body and mind and make my heart soar.

I am not all knowing and cannot be worldly with how limited I am: I am clearly not meant to be a main figure in changing the world!

But I can do Small Things in a Great Way, for myself, my family and others, and hopefully someone can feel less alone because of my story and be more inspired to get up each morning and meet the day head on. Love and light ❤️

I can be found on Instagram handle MitaMu.Art and/or Creative.Copes

www.instagram.com/creative.copes