I don't get what I do ...one min. Me and my mother in law are chatting and laughing then BAM next thing I know she's pissed off and rude ...not sure if at me or something else...I'm so confused ugh!! #Whiplash #confusing #FamilyMember #frustration
When someone asks how I'm doing, I'm going seems to be the only way I can think of to put into words how im feeling. Im a single mum to a wee 4 year old boy who has a severe learning disability along with cerebral palsey with dystonia. It was his birth and the trauma of it that brought on ptsd but anixety has always been there from as early as 4 years old (thats when my own dad left). At beginning of lock down I watched "13 reasons why" on netflix and it brought back alot of memories I hadn't realised at the time where abusive/sexual assult/emotional abuse the list goes on, I mean even memories i hadnt known about, someone once told me once you open pandoras box there's no going back and thats litetally what it has felt like. While all these realisations are coming out im still having to parent as many of us do. Childs dad takes him for 1 hour every night and to be honest thats more hassle to get ready for than its worth and most nights i come back feeling crap because he has told me im a part time mum can call me all the names of the day,then next day its whiplash as he says I'm a good mum, its just mentally draining. He has him overnight 1 night at wkend and theres always a story when he comes back how difficult he was or what I could do better. I send absolutely everything down right down to a list of his routine and meds. It gets alot and while doctor has said ptsd, i have researched anixety depression, bipolar disorder, ocd, adhd and autism. I would love some clarity and ive such a long road of councelling needed im on a waiting list for cbt but that is long and nothing else offered as of yet, but I just keep going and try to remember everyone has their reasons they are the way they are #anixety #PTSD #CBT #13ReasonsWhy #singlemummy #cerebalpalseyawareness
I'm with a fairly new therapist, whom I like so far. But CPTSD symptoms are raging. I've been in therapy for years, processed a lot, but am in a fragile spot now. Trying to move on and heal, but then I'm dragged back again in my head. To all those feelings, flashbacks, nightmares. Is there anything that helps or any suggestions? I'm going to speak with my therapist about it and maybe for now focus on something else.
I'm scared to go just because of the whiplash. But I need to talk with someone to stay afloat. The goal is to treat my complex trauma without going into a meltdown.
Has anyone had trouble like this? #CPTSD #PTSD #complextrauma #Trauma #Abuse #Depression #Anxiety #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Nightmares #neglect
01/13/2021 - The Jolted Sway: Borderline Personality Disorder
Written by Elarhyse Welgemoed Morton
Artist unknown. Found on www.google.com/amp/s/applesandtrumpets.wordpress.com/2015/03...
‘I spend every waking moment, shifting back and forth, back and forth alongside the waves of emotions my ship of a brain rides upon day in and day out. Some days, the water is soft and peaceful and with the right amount of breeze, I can keep my little ship sailing for days.
On other days, the water is choppy as the hurricane rounds itself back around over and over, plaguing the same area of sea without an end in sight. Huge waves plunge against my ship, water leaping itself upon the deck, causing me to slip up and lose my balance. I fall.
Throughout the day, I continue to slip on the salt water beneath my feet, grasping for something to cling to so I can ride this out. Most days, however, my emotions dance around like a jolted sway. Emotional whiplash.
Without warning, without hesitation. The water starts calm; suddenly a horrendous storm in the distance races itself to my location on the deep, dark sea. The waves whip around my ship for moments on end, only to suddenly dissipate as the sea returns to clear, calm waters. I take a moment to catch my breath, and after realizing I am safe yet again, I get back on track and continue to sail.
Moments, or even hours later, the storm suddenly appears again, engulfing me into an endless whirlpool as my ship and myself are consumed by the sea. The moment I start to feel like I’m going to drown, I find the will to float up to catch my breath, in hopes that I can survive what feels impossible to survive. My ship is gone. I am able to find scrap wood floating nearby that I can hold onto for dear life, at least until I am rescued. If I am rescued.
My limbs become numb as the day turns to night. The storm has disappeared yet again. I survived. A part of me was grateful to make it through the storm. A part of me was also disappointed that I didn’t meet my timely demise in the vast emptiness of the ocean. I am begging for release.
I can’t cry; I am exhausted from trying to stay afloat for so long. I shiver and shake, my breathing becomes shallow. My eyes begin to close shut; ah, peace at last. Suddenly, I am back on my ship. My eyes shoot open as I see the storm on the horizon. My heart drops into my gut, which twists and turns like worms in freshly precipitated soil. To my dismay, here I am doing this all over again.
The jolted swaying continues onward.’
Hi, my name is AllisunStarshine. I’m new to The Mighty and am excited to connect! I have newly diagnosed Fibromyalgia, Chronic Migraines, Anxiety, Depression and a "recovering" whiplash injury. I am stoked to not feel so alone with my health.
I realized I hadn’t updated my “medical conditions” list on my medical ID bracelet site in awhile. I realized after looking over my list that most of my conditions are “invisible”, except for my knee problem that I wear a knee brace for and sometimes use a cane. So often, I feel overwhelmed by the number of conditions I live with (Am I a “bad seed”?) and the physical and emotional pain that they cause; even the ones that have been “repaired” have come with lingering pain from scarring, incomplete cure or subsequent Dx. I’m thankful for my caring husband and a few really close friends who understand to a point. But even they get tired of my need to share my emotions about what I’m going through. I’m thankful for this group who gets what I mean and can give support without judgment or weariness.
I’m no longer able to work fulltime; I used to be an educator in various special education programs as well as in schools.
I try to help others who have conditions like mine as well, so I’m not just a “taker”.
Here is my list. Dates indicate either diagnosis date or surgery date.
Right inner ear imbalance 1998
Narcolepsy 1999, 2021
Allergies - plants, animals, foods and meds
Asthma
Hypothyroid
Sliding hiatal hernia 2011
Sphincter of Oddi dysfunction Type 3 2007 - result of gallbladder removal 2005
Diabetes Type 2 1996
GERD 2005
Mild/moderate disc degeneration neck & low back and mild spinal stenosis
Slip & fall back injury 10/15- MRI Nov 2017 SI joint injury
Fibromyalgia - 1995
Sleep apnea 2019
History of ruptured ovarian cysts 2006 -
Recurrent tingling/"electrical shocks" all over body 2007 - diagnosed as Small Fiber Polyneuropathy 2020
Scoliosis (curved and twisted)
Right knee cartilage deterioration (injured 1979 & 1986) - diagnosed permanently dislocated kneecap 2019
Arthritis - neck, hips, knees, hands
Carpal Tunnel syndrome - 2019
Bursitis - left hip 2017
Recurrent "tennis elbow"
Plantar fasciitis and tendonitis both feet - custom orthotics 1991
Fatty liver
Cardiac "regurgitation"
Major Depression,
Anxiety, C-PTSD, possible BPD
Multiple concussions (5)
Multiple whiplash injuries
Vaginal Hysterectomy with Rectocele and Cystocele repairs - 2018 - Urinary incontinence
Frequent Migraines
#Multiplediagnoses
#ChronicPain #MentalIllness
#SuicidalIdeation
#Trauma
#SexualAbuse #SexualAssault
#ChronicIllness
#PostconcussionSyndrome #SmallFiberPolyNeuropathy
#InvisibleIllness
#Vertigo
#Migraine
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