Talking to my 18 year old son earlier today, he told me he wanted to give me a heads up about something. I was like oh Lord no he's gonna tell me he's gonna propose to his girlfriend. He isn't. Crisis averted. #TheMighty #MightyTogether #relief #Fear #Horror
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#ChildhoodAbuse #abandonment #Rape #terror #Depression ….
When I was a small child, my father #Abandoned me without a goodbye. Mother had #Manic depression, and we were left poverty stricken. My clothes were holey, #filthy and #Hunger was a constant.
I lived in #terror being 6 yrs old, alone and subjected to constant #Abuse by strangers in my house.
I knew I had 2 choices #fight or #Die if I was going to win the ring of #Horror that had become my life. I chose to fight, to do what I needed to do, just to buy a pair of shoes. I had none. To cut a long story short, I want whoever is reading this to know that no matter how horrible, #Terrifying your life is right now? Take back your #courage , and #fight for what you want.
I’ve done more than #survive severe #Childhood trauma, I’m a #MentalIllness survivor too. I’ve excelled on my own, through my determination to get out of the hell hole I was in: like: meeting and hugging Nelson Mandela. Raising money for victims of crime, importing and exporting art and furniture, travelling to most of the countries in the world, making friends and connections on my own. owning my many businesses, and selling them for profit. Studying and being qualified in the science of the addicted, mentally Ill brain. Qualifying as a mental illness and addiction counsellor, raising 3 kids who’re well balanced and happy .
I’m now a YouTube influencer, my channel focuses on mental illnesses. Now, I’m teaming with MIND uk, to raise money for the mentally ill people who can’t work.
You are a survivor, you’re a magical, strong, brave, fabulous person.
Go for whatever you want, because you can. You can, no matter what ‘they’ did or said.
Do it! Your life is yours. Please take it back.
I’m with you.
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just want to say Thank You to everyone who has been replying my latest posts, for your words of encouragement, for your prayers! And also to those who has tapped ❤ to my posts. This all means much to me now. My world is being ruined now. The situation is getting worse and worse...
I feel frozen.
#Depression #Anxiety #Horror #Fear #MultipleSclerosis
I used to yell at the TV. I love horror movies, most other shows are unrelatable to me. Commercials targeting literally everyone but me, pressing me with what I "need" when in fact I hate 95% of it. Sports fans screaming on about people I don't know playing a game I never understood, let alone cared about the outcome of. A seemingly alien macho affection for vehicles, the expensive, loud, dangerous thing that gets you from point A to point B faster, as if it had some hidden value I was supposed to acknowledge. Comedies where I noticed a laugh track signaling me when it is supposed to be funny, where my laugh is closer to a parrots mimicry. Not really understanding why I should be laughing. Drama, that made me so sick to my stomach I had to leave the room, or suffer an anxiety attack. And if you didn't agree with me on any if the above, you were stupid, so stupid, I didn't want to talk to you until explaining why my views are more logical. After I was diagnosed with autism at age 45 this rebelilous hatred of broadcast went from my unique view, my beat of a different drummer to, well buddy, all this comes from the same source, your miswired brainpan. Knowing that sans autism I would be most likely part of what I see as an insane and dull minded majority, is a bout of depressive reality I have no stomach for. I have no special resistance, I am not magicaly endowed with an IQ so high my towering intellect rises to a whole different level than the drooling simpletons I share no values with. I instead feel deglamoured, siphoned, less robust. Still hate TV but now I wonder how insane my rants must have looked all these years. I for the first time feel doubt, instead of unshakable confidence. Second guessing the sources of my hardships, from "they are morons", "don't need idiots anyway", "I can do this better on my own" to..." oh crap, is this just my autism? ", or "wow I had a script I had been using for 30 years, and it's earned me some genuine suffering and regret, now I have no idea what to say". My learned aggressive approach to defend my views now subdued, no longer a screen dominating program, but a quiet background app. Yes some people feel new life with a diagnosis of autism. I just had my perspective shook up out of my broken kaleidoscope, and handed a telescope for the first time with no idea what I am looking at. I understand now why I can't hold a job or multitask, but I felt waaay better before I found out medically it's on me rather than the world. It wasn't worth it, my gifts being explained away. Not everyone can say they have literally gone through a Twilight Zone quality paradigm shift and live in a world of suspicion and alienation without Kevorkian-like thoughts ending everything. One thing hasn't changed for me though, I still love my horror movies. #Depression #Anxiety #Confidence #PTSD #neurodiverse #insane #Horror
With anxiety comes the over thinking. The worry, the 100 questions, that nasty voice in my head making everything awful. I spend my time at work pretty much with my head down. Occasionally I’ll be pulled into convo but I generally just get on with it because honestly I feel like everyone hates me. I had 6
Months off work after a break down. I came back and I’m no longer a member of this team.
I have been back 3 months and today my manager started a convo, asked if I’d watched any good TV.
Now I’ve always been a fan of the occasional horror, not gore but I enjoy a good jumpy movie
Once in a while. All I said was that I’d watched a good horror film. His response being “you shouldn’t be watching stuff like that really now should you ... you know with how you are right now”.
Now correct me if I am
Wrong but what is this assumption? that horror films will exasperate my mind set?
Maybe it was a genuine concern? But... umm... Did the film “Carrie” make me suicidal, cause my PTSD, Anxiety and major depression? Ermmm... no it was the fact I was subject to a horrific crime, years of mental, physical and emotional abuse. Am I not allowed to enjoy a horror film because I am mentally ill?
This comment angered me.
And I have not been able to stop thinking about it for almost 10 hours now. It is grating on me . Am I being unreasonable to be irritated by this?
I’m sorry if I am. Im probably being stupid but grrrr. #Horror #Anxiety #Mentalexhaustion
#SocialAnxiety
This is why I don’t cope socially.
I needed to just put it out these so I can go to bed and stop thinking.
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